Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Needtobestrong, Jun 3, 2019.
THIS is gold.
As a person brought up in a big joint family, I can write thesis on relationship between siblings ,and cousin siblings.
Occasionally they join with cousins and leave the own sibling in lurch.
The rivalry between girls and boys differ. Among girls , it will be like whose husband earns better, whose mother-in-law does not create problems, who has more number of male children, whose child has a fair complexion and whose child gets good ranking etc.
Among boys , I agree with what Viswa has said.
If there is girl and boy, normally the girl is somewhat generous in younger days. Normally mothers are partial towards girls and tend to support them better.
If a sibling has children and the other is not blessed with child, the problems faced are still worse.
It will be good, as long as the childless couple remains childless.Once they go ahead with adoption of one or two children, The story will run to pages.If the adopted children turn to be good looking as well as brilliant, heaven will fall. The sibling gifted with biological children is ready to accuse/abuse the adopted child in front of all and openly curse the child as'taken from the garbage bin, fit for nothing, has no blood traits of the prestigeous family etc etc 'even during the shortest visit that children make to their grand parents.
The siblings with adopted children living abroad are fortunate to some extent.They never bring the kids to India only to get involved in deep controversies.
Now a days the advice to parents is not to leave any property to children so that conflict on that account gets reduced.
But we may not think that jealousy is restricted to siblings alone. In many houses daughter is jealous of her own mother comparing her in-laws with the in-laws of her mother.I met my cousin's only son during a wedding. He is a soft ware Engineer always on heels, .He feels jealous of his father who retired as 'head clerk from Railways and earning a good pension.He says that his father was lucky to have a small two Bed Room Flat at least , with a permanent job handsome pension whereas he is always worried about the job security,probable diseases in old age and day to day life without monthly pension.For him, his matriculate father is a care free man.
Rivalry is a human nature and it may emanate in any form between any two individuals at any time.
With 2K kids I'm seeing rivarly starts as soon as 2-4 yr olds. Compare everything from time, money spent on them.
Worst cases if both are gals or boys. Combos survive till adulthood. Later no one checks on each other except family function, rituals.
Exceptions do exist but rare.
Some siblings live in different continents and time zones. Either they are busy or make occasional calls to each other. Again comparison starts from the brands of car, lifestyle, how big is house, spouse education, earnings, who's kid got better college. Comparison is high among girl siblings. Boys tend to avoid each other family's. I'm seeing all these being 90s born.
Imo - you can't predict if siblings will go along or not.
@jayasala42 and @Viswamitra articulated well.
Actually it can happen anyway
My husband, the younger brother worked many years in USA and gave lots of property for his elder brother who is 10 th Std Fail.
Neither his brother nor my mil have any gratitude. All they want is more more.
Some siblings live in harmony. Mostly they would be independent.
In my case,It’s all very positive to have siblings!
My brother is one of my biggest support system and I am the same with him.However, we know each other’s boundaries.
Also,every time I come to India..having my family and after my parents the only person I have in India is my brother.
We still hang out to have lassi,talk nonsense and laugh to our heart’s content.
Family,friendships and any relationship is a very beautiful thing to have!!
However..the impact differs from
Person to Person
You all may have heard of the "hourglass" syndrome about siblings
Basically in the early and later stages of life, siblings become close
In the middle stages, a lot of people ignore/forget their siblings
Often siblings have issues because of spouses. Sometimes, the spouse is the instigator, other times the victim
very true. it is not in anyone hands. even mine/your own kids may or may not bond completely when they are adults. best is just keep telling them again and again to be connected with their own siblings.
Even from a young age I considered myself lucky to have 2 sisters, in spite of never ending fights and quarrels. My friends who had only brothers were jealous of me. When I had a daughter first and was pregnant the second time I prayed for a little sister for my dd1. That is how much I love mine. They are there through the thick and thin for me. I will do the same for them. Luckily we have supportive husbands who understand how much we value each other. I think my family owes it all to my Chechi (elder sister). She came first and she showed us how.
Having someone in up and downs close to your heart is blessed. Fights are very common, after all there should be one reason to unite you that is blood relation.
It’s good to have a sibling with whom you can share your thoughts and since they grow up together hopefully they continue the same relationship post marriage as well.