Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

LOL! I know what you mean.

Often times, I think my Mom/Dad feel the same about me that I never listen to them :biglaugh

 

Then why many marriages are getting failures, where the couples had sex...sex is not only the way....i dnt believe dating culture....do u openly say it to ur mother or father about ur sex before marriage:hide:.....Big nooo...After wedding they will arrange first night for newly wedding couples..ofcourse its official...Do u know the meaning of " Kanya danam or kanya dan " ....If u r not a virgin then u r not a kanya...so what is the meaning of "kanya dan" in weddings...

I dnt hate to live together before wedding but I do believe " avoiding physical intimacy is NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE when living under the same roof"


so my answer is no...

We have equal rights ...we can live with a boy but it may cause illegal relationship....If u share a bed with a girl its fine, if u do same with the boy its impossible to avoid Physical intimacy...

 

if we follow living relationship then india become like forward countires like america, uk..etc..In usa or uk, parents are worrying about their teenager kid's STDs and pregnancy... If we start for a reason though, it will reach very badly for our children...they just do it for fun....then how can u stop them? so if it is not necessary, try to avoid these living relationships or dating......

If everyone thinks in this way then our govt would put a rule for abortions similar in USA.:thumbsup


Bhuvnidhi, how can u support this living together ....u discussed about indian culture and traditions.....I was surprised.....how come?

This is ur reply right bhuvnidhi?

I really appreciate the below statement of yours


Quote:
<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset" class=alt2>but i really get upset when people in real do not really value our culture...... so indians..... if you really feel our culture is good...... show it by your actions...... just saying that "India is the best" doesnt help...... atleast first feel that..... otherwise better not to say that!!!

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/general-discussions/67531-do-u-like-indian-culture-2.html

 

Priti,
I did not read the linked forum but what culture are you referring to?
Historical, hindu culture as referred to in our ancient literature and vedic studies or the current so called culture that is mix of various practices, including muslim, victorian etc.

The basic philosophy of Hinduism is tolerance and self respect. Women are treated as Lakshmi of the house, ours is the only culture that has goddesses. Draupadi had 5 husbands, Kunti had kids before marriage. So, what culture are you talking about?

The word culture is loosely used (or rather abused) to one's advantage. No matter what culture or religion one follows, the basic rule of humanity to respect each and other and their privacy is more important, IMO.

FYI: As per sanskrit dictinary the meaning of "Kanya": daughter, girl, young woman. I agree the word is used quite often to refer to a virgin girl.
drjp

 

Quote:
<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset" class=alt2>but i really get upset when people in real do not really value our culture...... so indians..... if you really feel our culture is good...... show it by your actions...... just saying that "India is the best" doesnt help...... atleast first feel that..... otherwise better not to say that!!! bhuvnidhi's reply in culture thread...she agreed this....so I discussed here....

The word culture is loosely used (or rather abused) to one's advantage. No matter what culture or religion one follows, the basic rule of humanity to respect each and other and their privacy is more important, IMO.
drjp[/quote]


yes, u are correct.....forget about culture...just think about our future generation...

if we follow living relationship or dating then india become like forward countires like america, uk..etc..In usa or uk, parents are worrying about their teenager kid's STDs and pregnancy... If we start for a reason though, it will reach very badly for our children...they just do it for fun....then how can u stop them? so if it is not necessary, try to avoid these living relationships and dating........etc

thats why I told about abortions rule....

Kanya means a virgin young woman....

 

Hey Prithi ,

I think u did not read my reply completely in this thread.I had typed this below sentence in bold.

I do not support this and I had voted for "No,thats wrong".

But I do not look down on the couples(as it happens generally) who had a live-in and married later either.

When it comes to me or my nearer and dearer ones it is definitely a BIG NO.

BTW,

The below statement is from Bharti(same thread) for which I had simply agreed.I liked her statement but it is not mine(I wish it is mine)

Hmm.....Though I had oppressed ur views in the other thread, I really have to agree with you in the below statement of yours.

I wish you will agree with me and understand what happens when our culture gets westernised.

 

Hi priti,
I totally agree with u.. In today's India with all IT n call center ppl.. getting all westernised... wat i feel is it ll go for some days..n finally ppl will realize its too late n ll try to come to square 1 ie start followin our culture.. ................. m waitin for that day!!

 

Hey Bhuvnidi,

Sorry, actually i didnt read ur reply completely...sorry for that...

I wish you will agree with me and understand what happens when our culture gets westernised.

But I clearly mentioned in that thread i dnt like dating ....But the bottom line of our disucussion was we will have to follow only the good things...

 

wow...... such an interesting topic out there...... thanks priti8683 to bring this to my attention...... I would like to give my reasons first and then my vote…

well i believe there are two issues involved in this:
1) is it OK to live in before marriage
2) is it OK to have sex before marriage

ASG has rightly pointed out:

but i think it is not wise to consider them “complementary” to each other….. if at all, “living in together before marriage ” can only be construed as “supplementary” to “having sex before marriage”…. So while it goes that if one is living together, they have sex is a natural thing to happen; while its certainly not necessary that if they wouldn’t have been living in together they wouldn’t have had sex..... that’s the fact of today and not just for the western world…. but for India as well!!!!

So lets take it in reverse order to make more sense for what I have to say!!!

Sex before marriage:
hmmmm..... i dont think i advice it or vote in favorshakehead.... not more because its western culture and cos it’s a taboo thing in the Indian society or even for the fact that all these ideas are “runining Indian culture” as one of my friend said to me while referring this thread to me ( I don’t deny that they aren’t reasons at all) ……. but more because as ASG has said:

and also as another of our friend has pointed out:

and if such is the case women are for sure gonna mess up their lives because it’s a basic difference between a men n women, for men may have sex casually, just to enjoy and does not get emotionally effected by it while a women can give herself physically only to the guy she is very much in love with!!!! There is this saying “a women is madly in love if she gives herself physically to her guy and a guy is madly in love when he gives himself emotionally to his gal, while the former is obviously visible the latter is not!!!

i personally think one should wait for certain things for the d-day but then its a personal decision... and also for being sure that u are just not falling prey to bad intentions of someone!!!! I am totally against the idea of “casual flings”:notthatway:- which definitely I would call “ ruining of the culture”!!! But if “both” of them are committed then I would say it is a personal discretion!!! I certainly do not consider people in love going ahead having sex as “bad” ones…. See lets face the fact... that this is getting common in india very much..... not that it just happens in metro cities alone.... it is getting common in small cities as well......but I consider this a big big risk for the gal cos there are times when you might happen to meet one of the “idiot” and that would be known to you only at a later stage…. so if you have used ur heart and over that used ur head to come to a decision in favour of it and you are fully confident on the guy and have not hasted and have kept in mind ofcourse the consequences of what if it doesnt work out by any chance...... you sure know what u want in life!! And then as drpreethi said

When vidhya says :

I might agree with her to some extent for I have myself seen cases during my course of stay in Chennai with my rommies (though it was only evident from their different version of stories they said about being away – and poor them could not even lie properly) but what I find is that even these gals do not say their mind due to fear of society….. they behave hypocritically saying they feel sex before marriage is sin while they are involved in these acts themselves!!!! I do not blame them completely as unlike US this still attracts gaping mouths and is matter of gossip!!!! If you admit openly you will be tagged as the “bad gal” and then most of the people do not want that!!!!:rant

Priti 8683..... no body is trying to solicit sex here, or for that matter dating and “casual flings”..... i dont think anybody has recommended that or even favoured it.....its just a personal discretion thats all and people have just shared their ideas and their circumstances..... if someone think she wants it that way its her personal choice and weare nobody to interfere and we have no right to point finger at them!!!! :shock:There could be loads of fingers pointing to us for things we have said in other posts, I don’t want to quote an example on that!!!! period.

Life is no set rules, and ASG has clearly said:

Coming to living in before marriage:
I think concept only refers to as “trial run” :eek and provides an escape route!!! I could not better agree with ASG:

I don’t get the idea at all of living in before marriage!! People have said that in an arranged marriage if they had lived in with their prospective husbands they wouldn’t have ever married them!!!:spin Well I think a marriage/ live in relations ( I can term them synonyms) can be worked only if you have the zeal to make them work. No relation is perfect and there are always ups & downs….. if you tend to live in a “trial run” u will certainly back out during the “downs”!!! I feel commitment is commitment what difference does it makes if you are married or not…… just a marriage certificate? People will know you are living in with someone and what difference does it make if you talk about getting married to a divorcee or a person with ex-live in relationship….. for me the two has same meaning provided we are talking about living in for committed couples!!!!


The ladies here who have opted in favour of living in relation are all those who were committed to theirs and were sure of that they are marrying that person in some near future, there were no ifs n buts!!! I am so glad to see them all happy today:thumbsup….. but if for example one of those had turned to a split up I wouldn’t say they took a bad decision or they were not sensible enuf to take a wise decision for themselves – marriages also fall apart, we see that empathically then y not these? Only because we feel that was probably a “trial run” and then the whole thing turns cheap……:drowning

There was this question raised to ASG that y couldn’t she first get married and then moved in – I was curious of the answer too!!! And good to find that it was only for convenient facilitation of marriage…. So decision to marry was there which is as good as getting married!!!!

So if it is circumstantial that a person moves in with his/ her prospective life-partner its okay and doesn’t make a difference for it si as good as getting married and just awaiting your marriage certificate to come in at a future date, but if its what u think of having a trial run its just a BIG NO NO!!!! because if that becomes a case people will only use this as a platform for changing partners without expecting the emotional melodrama because it was a mutual decision, but i feel in reality any break up can not be possible without heartaches – whether u have lived together or not, or if u had sex or not!!!!

So for standalone question in the OP I vote for No, that’s wrong, just because in general parlance living in is talked in respect of trial run!!!!

 

This space is just to express our opinions.I personally feel that judging other people according to their opinions and bringing in their life stories is not really required.

I feel that what might be considered wrong and not acceptable in some situations might be correct in other situations.As long as the intentions of the "living together" phase are clear to both individuals involved, then it is OK.A lot of other members against living in relationships mentioned the "ruining of traditions/culture etc".The word culture is very loosely used.Are all those persons so worried about losing our culture following every rule set by our ancestors.Happiness and peace lies in being able to change and adapt with time.

Mythilli