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Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by khylen, Jun 17, 2009.

Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

  1. Yes,It's Okay

    20.3%
  2. No, thats wrong

    39.2%
  3. Depends on the situation

    38.6%
  4. I don't know

    2.0%
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  1. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Definitely not OK! :thumbsdown

    The answer depends on one's culture.

    I wouldn't be living under the same roof just with my spouse-to-be, even if I were engaged to him. To me, living together, sharing workload, cooking together, just having fun, all are experiences to be enjoyed after the wedding. Retaining one's sanctity is, after all, one of the pillars of Indian culture. I definitely dont think you need to live in to get to know enough about your friend before deciding whether to go ahead or break up. I agree that one does get to know more, but it is, in my opinion, it is holier to meet each other and know more, rather than live in and explore. Why is there something called a wedding with all pomp and ceremony then? Why should one chant mantras, seek elders' blessings & go through the religious ceremonies of Indian marriages, if one were to experience everything beforehand? Doesnt make sense!

    I agree that people living in India adopt certain aspects of the Western culture. Starting from jeans and ipods to even living in with a guy/girl. But still, this doesnt mean the majority of Indians do this. More than half of India is accounted for by the rural population. There are cases of affairs in these regions, but live-in?? No, no! That's unheard of. Even in cities, in my circle of friends, I came across no one who lived in with their spouse. The closest case was one who lived with her spouse and his family for a month of so before marriage.

    Cheers,
    Sandhya
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  2. smartstranger

    smartstranger New IL'ite

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    It's OK to live with spouse before marraige

    Thanks
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2009
  3. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    It just depends on the person! If it works out in the end; decision was right and no worries. Else; again depends on the person how he/she takes the break-up.. If positive; no big deal! If negative; decision taken in first place becums wrong.
     
  4. loonypooh

    loonypooh Silver IL'ite

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    wow a huge discussion out here!
    well i dont know if its wrong or right, but in my case my MIL was against our marriage plans.. she still is cross with me but has no choice!:biglaugh
    she had tried all possible ways to "stop" or rather say destroy our relationship.. and that is when DH planned to relocate to Mumbai(my hometown)
    once he was there we fixed a date for marriage with my parents' concent.... they were pretty cool about things, they really liked him
    DH(my boyfriend then)
    ours was a court marriage, and there were roughly 3 months to go, is when i told my dad i am planning to live with him ..
    they did show they were worried but then left it at me saying i should be the one taking decisions abt my life at this point of time, when the marriage is the nxt thing on the plate.
    but from his tone i realised he found this to be a gamble... however we both were strong...
    we stayed together for good 3 months before our shaadi and here we are 2.5 yrs happily married....
    and we were pretty comfortable staying together before marriage.. not in the US, in India ofcourse:)
    and not for a day i felt we were against our "indian culture". what is it anyway?? staying with him a couple of months before marriage doesnt make me "culture-less " anyway!
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2009
  5. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Hmmm. This is a toughie.

    I believe that living together with another person is the one thing that will REALLY help you learn more about the person (than just spending a few hours a day with him/her) and also helps you come to a REALISTIC conclusion about how TRULY compatible you are with each other. Also, living together takes a lot compromise and adjustment, and if you cannot make these adjustments / compromises, then you know to re-evaluate your relationship and can determine if you still want to stick it out, despite the obvious difficulties, or if you'd rather bail when the going is still good.

    The reason I said that this is a tough decision to make is that many of us were raised in a culture that believes that living together with someone else before marriage is a taboo and a strict no-no. So, many of us may feel uncomfortable making this decision and may opt to pass up on an opportunity to truly get to know our potential spouse to determine compatibility before marriage.

    If either of my kids wants to live with a potential partner before marriage, s/he would have my blessings. But would I have taken this decision myself back when I was single and looking... nope, I wouldn't have. Hypocritical, I know, but this is how it is.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2009
  6. radhikrish

    radhikrish Silver IL'ite

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    My voting is no, it is not correct to live together with spouse before marriage. This is my personal view and I didnt do it though me and my spouse were in the same city away from home after engagement, but staying separately. We did meet on weekends after engagement , did purchases for setting up our house etc , for moving in after marriage. Though we had a house ready with key in our hands, we were living separately in hostels /bachelor accomodation and moved in only after marriage. I would like my children also be like that and value the sanctity of marraige.

    The argument like you would know him better, doesnt hold good, as what do you do if you find that some of his habits/actions are totally not agreeable to you - will you leave him for that after living together ? :spin No, then you would talk with him and try to change. Then why not the same be done after marriage. And if you stay together, sex will definetely happen for sure. When we have waited for so many years , we should hold it for the wedding to happen and then only indulge in physical relationship. I may sound old fashioned, but I am raised up that way and I believe in our tradition strongly and dont feel the need to change myself for this matter.:coffee
     
  7. Suhasini123

    Suhasini123 Senior IL'ite

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    Frankly speaking, I lived in with my DH (that time my lover) a couple of times when we travelled together for official workshops out of our region (Other cities or abroad). The first time it was an accident, as I was forced to move to his room when I was in Thailand followed by a scary night alone in my room in that 5 star hotel where the workshop was conducted. By then we were in love for about 3 years and had a very sweet intimacy level. We stayed there for about 2 weeks!!! Again we continued to stay together then and there and of course planned our trips together as far as we could. Though our close friends doubt this, no body questioned or spoke bad about our relationship other than just lovers. We got married in Jan 2008 with the supports and blessings of our parents. My DH still loves me as the way he showed his love when he first met me... sometimes more than that, so as me..... It is not so bad to live together with your partner once your love is confirmed and you both are so sure about each other... But again it depend on the situation
     
  8. tinker

    tinker New IL'ite

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    My Answer would be a BIG NO.

    i know its personal choice but how many of you can discuss the same topic with your friends face to face. And most of you who said "yes",will not reveal this secret to your kids and never expect them to live in together when they grow up.
     
  9. rosequeen

    rosequeen Senior IL'ite

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    Its perfectly OK to live together.
     
  10. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Wow!! Quite a discussion.

    My vote.. Its okay for me if anyone is Living -in with their lovers. But that s out of "letting live" mentality I have for people in general. Will I do this for myself ? No.. I dont think I would ever do it. For my indian genes are way too strong to allow emotional slippages..

    Somethings in life are way too precious for me than getting them somehow.. Marriage, baby, family harmony are few to quote in this list. I would have them in their pristine form than any other way.

    I dont judge people based on their life situations or their life decisions. Sometimes there is only one way to get your desired thing. To each its own. There's no hard and fast rule when it comes to subjective matter. Whats good for one may become unconventional for others. I think our convictions play a great role in building our moral fortitude. For some, morals are all about "holding hands, but no sex" before marriage, for some it may be "Not singing Bhajans when left alone in room", for some it may be about sticking to their idea of perfect life...

    For me, morals are staying true to my own convictions than pretending anything else.

    Cheers
    Ria
     
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