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Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by khylen, Jun 17, 2009.

Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

  1. Yes,It's Okay

    20.3%
  2. No, thats wrong

    39.2%
  3. Depends on the situation

    38.6%
  4. I don't know

    2.0%
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  1. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Priti,
    No, its not for 'entertaining only'
    Its not the be all and end all and one can very well look beyond a single point of view.
     
  2. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Wow,a full blown discussion here!
    Just a doubt.. Why is a commited iving in with somebody a synonym to casual sex? Or does this poll mean just the physical intimacy part alone?
    When you live in with somebdy its a major decision, just not something you can do in a minute. You decide to share your life, your day to day activities, your personal space and thats HUGE! thats just a major commitment like an official marriage! if 2 people are commited enough to do that, it is no business of anybody else to say if its right or wrong. Just becuase one is indian doesnt mean doing so demeans your entire culture. Like others have mentioned, stop the dowry practise, then you might regain the name of your culture. But maybe since Dowry is something that has been practised for ages in the Indian culture, it should not be banned? that should be the attitude we should have right since living in is a sin cause its not part of the ancient culture??I am sorry, but couldnt resist this bit of sarcasm, after seeing the nitpicking going on in the thread.
     
  3. sowmyasridhar

    sowmyasridhar Senior IL'ite

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    My opinion is "A BIG NO". I do equate V to my self worth and self beleif. This is absolutely my personal opinion.

    I beleive we should wait till marriage and good things are worth to wait.

    I was thinking of do I need to write here day before yesterday. But yesterday after reading all 9 pages, I have to say this thread has really affected me as my mind was and is revolving around the same topic for the past 2 days.

    The topic was "Share your view on couples living together before getting married. Is it acceptable or not? Lets discuss here.. "

    After reading first few pages I really thought did I read the topic right? oh!
    really people think that living with DH before marriage is the right thing to do..

    1. Though NO is a majority even as per our poll results, people did not have anything to say STRONG as it a common one and there is no need to emphasize on why I say NO.
    2. People who mostly have said DEPENDS, I could see that when it comes to them personally many saying a NO. Basically a "letting live" mentality as rightly said by a friend here.
    3. People saying YES, have really come with points to prove that and some one has admitted a sense of acheivement.
    It would have been better if things are not generalized to men and women .
     
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  4. bharti

    bharti Silver IL'ite

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    initially i did not respond to priti's comments too much here in an open forum and just said that we dont have right to point fingers and rather had prefered to put a pm....but i feel compelled now......

    i really do not understand what kind of support are you trying to seek from me..... initially you had sent me the link of this thread saying "they are runing indian culture"...... look dear m not here to start a andolan to save indian culture.... everyone has got a sensible mind which can think of its own as to whats good or whats bad for them and as to whats none of their concern as to things other are doing..... we can just share our open views here..... a positive or negative..... but we are not trying to change other's view!!!! so i donno what do you expect????

    what might be a strong "NO" for me in my own context.... it can be "ITS OKAY" when its for someone else...... everyone including ASG, Rihana have voted "it depends" they havent siad "go for it" then whats the harm if they say atleast they went that route and they are happy..... all the more they have definitely said a NO for seeking this as a measure to have "TEST RUNS"..... thats very much indian..... for in western world its normal to even have "one night stands"......

    once you are committed to someone if you have sex before getting a marriage certificate or after what difference does it makes.... a psychological... thats it!!! its good one waits..... but y should one be blamed to have done wrong, if they feel commitment to be a mental state of mind..... and view marraige certificates or marriage itself as a formality...... there are loads of indians who do not believe in god...... then what..... are they too ruining indian culture as god are our cultural symbols..... as far as the other person is not stopping you to have your independent belief its okay!!!! if having sex with a person you are committed to is so wrong a thing it should be wrong even after you are married.... y suddently should this become a pious thing!! i can never get that!!!! i view commitment is commitment..... you are scared that what if the relationship by any change doesnt work out...... so does the marraiges these days.... so should i view as a person who has married and sepearated to be bad..... for that person also had sex with a person to whom he/she could not be committed for the whole life????

    see if you close your eyes and dont want to see the reality in todays world i cant help you..... and if you come to me saying someone is trying to be an eye-opener go and stop that person..... i wouldnt do that...... thats is very much happening in india today leave apart western world..... my denying the facts wouldnt change them...... if in my love marriage i dint have sex b4 marriage i call myself good and otehr friend of mine who had as bad.... i dont think i m right!!!!

    yes we are indeed sharing just our own opinions here...... i do not understand why are you feeling someone is trying to solicit sex/ living in b4 marriage here..... everyone has clearly spelled they are not.....


    its a personal choice what is of utmost importance in one's life..... while boozing has become one of the common things in today's lifestlye... if someone says she cant tolerate her man doing that..... its respectable..... i have no right to go and say "what a stupid are u.... its common and its no big deal today.... grow up"... NO i would say thats wrong... its personal choice!!!! similarly for you priti or for many people it might be the virginity of the spouse.... so fine its respectable..... but then if for someone its not... and they have priority for a good heart and loving n caring nature..... so be it.... u cant say "how can u do that? this is an abnormality and u are choosing an abnormal person"..... priorities in lives of every person is different and it should be respected!!!!


    i agree with newmommy on this....
     
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  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    One question before I answer the pollIs it ok to live with your spouse.....what happens if the live-in relationship does not work out and the room mate does not turn into spouse ? Does one go on changing partners till the right (?) one is found , a trial run ??
     
  6. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Virginity is BULL****. Sex is SO overrated. So what if one has experienced it before and you had saved yourself. You be sincere and loyal to someone you are committed too. That's all it matters.

    Indians are goody goody and everyone in the other side of the world are sinful. Please stop this nonsense. Come out of this. It will do good too. See this beautiful world for what it is.
     
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  7. rahul

    rahul New IL'ite

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    India is part of the world and its people are as human as the rest of the world. It's wishful thinking to think that somehow India is different.

    A few pointers to help one see the reality.

    More than a quarter of India’s youngsters have premarital sex -- Sharma 322 (7286): 575 -- BMJ
    http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/15/world/asia/15india.html
    Asia Sentinel - Hidden Darkness: Child Sexual Abuse in India
    {Quote from this report:
    Your view of discarding people who are not virgins as suitable brides/grooms is so divisive to society.}
    Also as mentioned 'kanya daan' in one of the posts. It's a phrase that's obviously coined by man. First of all 'daan' of a woman is abhorable because she is not property. Also, it was called kanyadaan even when the groom can have multiple wives and thus he doesn't have to be a virgin. Terms such as kanyadaan and garbhadaan are something to scoff at by modern women (and men), IMO.

    Rahul
     
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  8. vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

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    Good one Rahul. The term Kanya daan pisses me off to no end. We insisted that it should not be present in our wedding and finally got it. We had panigrahanam, sapthapathi and mangalya dharanam. That is it.

    Do people even say garbhadaan? Thats even more deplorable.
     
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