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Is it normal to resent ur hubby at times?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by silvertulip, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am married for an year. Ours is a love marriage. My prob is that I have a MIL, who expects me to be ideal bahu!Witsend And my hubby who is a loving and caring hubby otherwise, at times turns into a mama's boy expecting me to be perfect bahu! I get really bugged when he starts giving me instructions on how should I do things so that my MIL loves me more (not that I don't listen to her and do things she wishes) and that I have a great image b4 my SIL and BIL (SIL is married and stays 4km away). He always expects me to go pout of my way to help my SIL & BIL, so that MIL becomes happy that I am treating my hubby's family as my own and that I am so considerate abt my SIL & BIL (I don't dislike them and tend to be good, but I can't go out of way to please them!)
    Most of the times if we plan to go out, he wants to involve them and will say that I (me) wants them to come along but when I don't want them around! (I need my own space, I wanna be on my own), and then will praise me b4 my MIL!! And my MIL gives me instructions saying, "well done! next time do this or may be u can do that..blah blah" :rant
    If I get angry at my hubby, he says he is doing it to create a good image of mine in his family! I feel like telling him tht I give a damn!!!! I do what I can and I can't pretend to be always so nice and good!! I need a break from my office on weekends, I can't act on ur expectations!! I really resent him that time n we end up fighting. I have started resenting him nowadays which I don't wanna do..please help..
     
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  2. blessbabydust

    blessbabydust IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi silvertulip
    Dont worry .... your situation is common ...yuor hubby is trying to help you so you can be a goodbahu in his family once you establish it will see to show your real personality you dont have to change your attitude and personality but changing your alitutude is good ..... it is common in relationship to give and take not always give and not always take .... because of this i would never spoil the relationship with your husband ... he is not acting like mamma's boy he is trying to mould you into his family and making a point that his choice is best of all and everyone loves you .... try to listen to your husband for a while and you will see the changes happening
     
  3. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Even if you do not want to resent at him, you WOULD RESENT at him, sometimes or often depending upon what your MIL tries to do on the situation. Your act of resenting at him is INEVITABLE.

    Same way, your hubby will also development resentment on you, even if he does not want to do so. Again this act is also inevitable.

    MIL is only one factor among a long list of other factors leading to resentment in wife as well as husband. You can try and minimise these resentments, at least the one you develop towards him.

    Expecting a whole month, wherein there is no single instance of resentment on him, would be impossible. This is the reality of married life. You are just one year into it. Soon, you will accept this reality.
     
  4. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    Minor issue. Resenting your loved ones once in a while is normal and is usually a sign that something about them is bothering you. Talk it through with your husband and tell him clearly that you don't give a damn and check his response. Also let him know that while you're ready to compromise (you'll have to unless you want to complicate matters further. In fact, everyone has to!) , he must also ensure that the two of you get some alone time during weekends. The solution is to be frank and communicate whatever you feel to your husband and ask him to come up with viable solutions that suit the two of you well.
     
  5. vchelluri

    vchelluri Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Silvertulip,
    It is most common thing in our Indian families, wether it be a love marriage or arrange marriage, everyone in the family including husband has so many expectations on DILs and want her to satisfy each and every member of the family and they forget that she is also human being with same feelings as them and is equally effected by their actions/reactions/expectations/demands, etc. It's not so easy to change this attitude of them nor so easy to mould as per their wishes all the time but we can surely balance it to some extent with some patience.
    First of all don't argue with your dh on this issue as this will only end up in fights by the end of the day with your dh. Try to explain your concerns to your dh when he is in nice mood. Let him know that you also need some space for yourself. Tell him that you have no objection in inviting your SIL and BIL and do it and tell him that you want to spend a lonely time with him/want to go out with him alone atleast once a month. It may take a while for him to yield to your suggestions but he will sure come to your point as he will also be missing the lonely time with you. Whatever your issues/concerns are, just try to explain him in a soft way basing upon his mood assuring him at the same time that you will definitely won't be neglecting his family members.
    Coming to your MILs instructions just ignore as much as possible and it should not be much bothering for you as you are a working lady and that helps you to spend less time with your MIL. I don't mean that it won't be bothering you much as it will bother every DIL even if it is for a short period.
    I think all the MILs will be thinking DILs as their juniors and try to impose each and everything they know/learnt from their life.:bonk Anyway as it is only a year in your marriage, it will be more torturing and bothering for you but believe me slowly everything will be in your favour if you can sharpen your brain a bit more and try to tackle them in a nice way and convince dh in a way to get rid of your end of the day frustrations.
    Hope you get to solve your problem soon and all the best dear.

    With warm regards,
    Latha.
     
  6. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for the replies! It's not that I don't want to adjust to his family or I am not willing to compromise..I know that he wants everyone in his family to love and accept me. I also listen to him and seek his opinion at times when required. It's just that at times I get tired of fulfilling the expectations!!:-( There is a need for balance and I will try to get that..will seek further inputs if required :)
     

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