Log in or Sign up

How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
Dismiss Notice

Is it immoral to steal your own money

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Spirit2501, May 13, 2013.

Page 1 of 3

May 13, 2013 #1
Spirit2501 Senior IL'ite

Messages:

21

Likes Received:

18

Trophy Points:

18

Gender:

Female

Hello ladies,
I might sound an evil DIL. My
My ILs came to US for helping us on new born baby which didn’t work out because they are too old to take care of baby ( DH didn’t realize and never asked me before asking them to come over).
We put our baby in infant care ( 9-5 pm). Everything was going fine until LO got sick and IL had to take care of her for one day. Just in one day MIL got high BP headaches etc etc, :spinmay be true. Then I had to take days off to stay with LO (after burning most of my maternity leave).
Boss was not happy, He said if my ILs can’t be of any help then why we have to deal with two more dependents, made me think he is right in the sense that it’s just full house and too much going on. Finally I couldn’t keep up with my job and had to quit it. Now ILs planned to stay for 6 months and are still with us for not much help except little kitchen chores (more people more work). I am okay with it.
But here is what taking my peace of mind is my MIL has asked DH to buy expensive things (2-3 of each item) for her other son and his family to take to India. She has stuffed her suitcases with all that. I just can’t see our money flowing to people who never cared about us.
Now here is what I am feeling tempted to do (though I am debating with my conscious to not do) that I should take out some of the items from her suitcase just before the day they leave. Sort of stealing our own money…Once they reach in India and could not find just say that custom people might have taken out (has happened with our friends). Already told DH in a subtle manner, he is like “ to kya hua?” no use..it’s our hard earned money damn it…I would not have mind if they were really a great help.. but since I lost the job..what’s the point of giving them so expensive items?
Do I sound immoral? If any of you ladies have dealt with such situation, please share you thoughts what else I should do? Just can’t get over with it…

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

#1

Loading...
Similar Threads
1. What Is Moral, What Is Immoral And What Is The Line Between Them
  
  SGBV, Sep 14, 2018, in forum: Married Life
  
  Replies:
  
  39
  
  Views:
  
  6,146
  
  gorgeous23
  
  Sep 18, 2018
2. Hiring an immoral woman: moral dilemma
  
  helpmeangel, Jun 22, 2014, in forum: General Discussions
  
  Replies:
  
  39
  
  Views:
  
  4,395
  
  darmesh
  
  Jul 9, 2014
3. Moral ir Immoral
  
  preity12, May 8, 2013, in forum: Life Without Spouse
  
  Replies:
  
  5
  
  Views:
  
  1,655
  
  steve
  
  May 10, 2013
May 13, 2013 #2

Decentguy New IL'ite

Messages:

1,092

Likes Received:

572

Trophy Points:

0

Gender:

Male

Spirit2501 said: ↑

Do I sound immoral? If any of you ladies have dealt with such situation, please share you thoughts what else I should do? Just can’t get over with it…
Click to expand...

Hi Spirit2501

Congrats on your new born !!

I just have one question. If instead of Inlaws if they were your own parents, Would you do the same?

Decentguy, May 13, 2013

Decentguy, May 13, 2013

#2

4 people like this.
May 13, 2013 #3

Spirit2501 Senior IL'ite

Messages:

21

Likes Received:

18

Trophy Points:

18

Gender:

Female

Thanks for the greetings!
I think you got mistaken, the gifts are not for themselves but mostly for my BIL's family who are the number one reason we have to leave India and settlt down in US (another story you can get idea about them in a thread "how to handle property issues with ILs".

I myself bought gifts happily for ILs with MIL of her own choice and some for BIL's family too. But she is asking for more for them...that's what is bothering me and she knew that they've never been our well wishers.

As far as my parents are concerned, they never asked anything so far. My MIL even didn't ask me if I want to send anything for them (she only cares about her own family). Even if they ask, they won't ask us to waste our money on someone who is not in good notes with us..

in addition, when we go to india, my mil never gives money for shopping or anythg else, i wonder if she would do the same for her own daughter. I do most of my shopping at my parents house.

so the question is not about if it were ILs or parents, it's about BIL's and me feeling not wasting money on them.
As I already mentioned that my conciuos doesn't allow me to do anything nasty like that. Any other ideas to deal with it.

Last edited: May 13, 2013

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

#3
May 13, 2013 #4

Decentguy New IL'ite

Messages:

1,092

Likes Received:

572

Trophy Points:

0

Gender:

Male

Reading your thread, I think you have resentment against the inlaws family and understandably so. I don't blame you for that. You have had your problems with Inlaws and those problems got compounded by the pregnancy and the leaving of your job. It is a normal feeling. If I were you, I would feel the same way. But if you are thinking of removing the items from their luggage one day before their departure, will that solve all your problems?

You cannot say the custom people have taken that out. Customs will not remove any items from the bags without you( traveller) being present. If they are checking in the luggage, the best option is to tell them that the bag handlers may have taken it out or something like that.

But again as I said it won't solve your problems. Maybe you will get some temporary relief and satisfaction but imagine if they come to know that you intentionally did that, then the relationship between you and them will just get worst.

I am sorry to hear about your job loss, but it is not their fault. You knew in the initial stages that they were old and could not help you with the new born. Maybe you should kept a nanny at home or work from home would have been an option ( maybe you thought of that too).

I would say just let it go. Maybe when MIL is asking you or hubby to buy something , just tell her diplomatically that the items are not available or will take lot of time to ship or something to that effect.

Decentguy, May 13, 2013

Decentguy, May 13, 2013

#4

1 person likes this.
May 13, 2013 #5

anuram09 IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

820

Likes Received:

6,370

Trophy Points:

370

Gender:

Female

I feel stealing is a cheap act. If you have enough guts to steal, please divert it in positive way by talking to your DH or by voicing your opinion in front of all.

anuram09, May 13, 2013

anuram09, May 13, 2013

#5

1 person likes this.
May 13, 2013 #6

skyinsc Silver IL'ite

Messages:

186

Likes Received:

160

Trophy Points:

93

Gender:

Female

I second anuram09. Stealing the items from your MIL suitcase is childish. You should have put your foot down before buying those gifts if you dont wish to send those gifts . Its not too late even now..you can be assertive that you dont wish to spurge your hard earned money as gift especially now that there is only one bread winner in your house when ever your MIL mentions about buying expensive guys. you dont have to sound bitchy but talk smoothly in persuasive manner to start with. If you voice out couple of times when ever your MIL asks then may be the message will get through her.

skyinsc, May 13, 2013

skyinsc, May 13, 2013

#6

2 people like this.
May 13, 2013 #7

helpmeangel Platinum IL'ite

Messages:

1,795

Likes Received:

1,005

Trophy Points:

208

Gender:

Female

Spirit,

I can see why you are being tempted to take out your stuff as you feel disappointed and frustrated because of loss of job. Thing is, you cannot blame your in-laws for being old. The kid is yours and the final responsibility to take care of the child lies with you. Just think of your In laws visit as a vacation for them and not as one to help you out. You will be able to gain some peace of mind that way.

If you have already bought them whatever they asked for, there is nothing much you can do about it. Just let it go. A small price to pay for your own sake.

helpmeangel, May 13, 2013

helpmeangel, May 13, 2013

#7

2 people like this.
May 13, 2013 #8

Spirit2501 Senior IL'ite

Messages:

21

Likes Received:

18

Trophy Points:

18

Gender:

Female

anuram09 said: ↑

I feel stealing is a cheap act. If you have enough guts to steal, please divert it in positive way by talking to your DH or by voicing your opinion in front of all.
Click to expand...

I know right...I feel the same way about stealing..never had such thoughts before...stealing was never my thing and just after two replies I won't think about it again. I've been their favorite DIL (who never raises her voice no matter what) I don't know why was I thinking of ruining my own reputation in their eyes.

I feel I am going insane these days..losing job...staying at home with them listening to her all day long stories of BIl's family..so annoying that she is always worried about them..
I guess I would just keep my eyes shut and soon it will be over.

Thanks Decentguy for positive feedback..

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

Spirit2501, May 13, 2013

#8

5 people like this.
May 13, 2013 #9

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

12,513

Likes Received:

30,285

Trophy Points:

540

Gender:

Female

1. Problem started when in-laws came without you having a say in it. DH didn't ask you, agreed, but did you speak up? Silence is consent.

2. Why is your boss commenting on your in-laws not being of any help and you having to deal with two more dependents? That is unprofessional, both on your part and his.

3. DH already showed his take on the matter 'tho kya hua?" Heed that. Do not rake up the matter of the expensive gifts. He also knows they didn't help much with baby, you have quit job. Don't overemphasize the obvious.

4. "I would not have mind if they were really a great help.. but since I lost the job..what’s the point of giving them so expensive items? Do I sound immoral"
Immoral is a big word, let's steer clear of that. But, relating gifts to their help with baby is not "nice". The help they could give cannot be bought with money. The gifts to them can be considered simply an expression of affection etc from their son (and you) to them.

5. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. OK,this trip of in-laws didn't turn out as planned. Instead of creating tension and unpleasantness between you and DH, simply take it easy the rest of their stay. Show some joy (even if unreal) at their shopping, take pictures of them with baby, make it a point to mention you are glad they got to spend time with baby, get a portrait taken of the whole family. Turn the situation to your advantage, and by coincidence, it will turn out to everyone's advantage! The money spent on gifts is gone.... make the best of the situation.

If you take out the gifts, what will you do with them? You cannot use them. You will give them to someone else? If you return them, it might show up on credit card statement.. and do you want to go through hassle of return line or mailing it?

I would get some cheap temporary thrill from thinking of things like taking stuff out of their suitcase, but wouldn't actually carry it out.

Rihana, May 13, 2013

Rihana, May 13, 2013

#9

11 people like this.
May 13, 2013 #10

anahita5 Gold IL'ite

Messages:

637

Likes Received:

785

Trophy Points:

188

Gender:

Female

nah! don't take away the gifts. I think you resent them and think this will make you feel better. It won't. Take this episode with a grain of salt. Don't spoil your mood and enjoy your time with LO, plan your future, what you want to do next. And use this situation to you benfit at a later time. may be remind DH of how his family has not done anything for him..

anahita5, May 13, 2013

anahita5, May 13, 2013

#10

(You must log in or sign up to reply here.)

Page 1 of 3

Share This Page