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Is It How It Is These Days?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bruised234, May 9, 2017.

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  1. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Never thought I would post again in IL... But here goes.. Is it normal for an unmarried manager to regularly visit his married female subordinate frequently and also give her the keys to his apartment? Especially, when the woman does not bother cooking or doing any household chores back home, but takes food made by MIL for a few days to give it to her sick manager? Is this kind of friendship normal in the workplace nowadays? I found it kind of strange when I heard it, did not want think too much into it... but was wondering, is that how it is nowadays? I know I am extra conservative, but I have never come across this kind of interaction in my professional life so far. Even if it is just friendship, doesn't it lead to a conflict of interest? Especially the kind of guys you see nowadays - selfish and self-absorbed, bothering so much about a married woman. What do you think guys?
     
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  2. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    If neither party is known to you, why are you so concerned?
     
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  3. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    I never stated that I know neither. Frankly, I don't wish to interfere, but then it was kind of weird to hear that the guy visits her periodically in her house just being a colleague. I was wondering if I am thinking wrong or is it an aberration? The MIL mentioned it to me and I told her to just ignore it.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly, friendship in the office is very common. It might influence the code of conduct, i.e conflict of interest when it is between the manager and subordinate. But in general, friendship happens between two souls who have same wavelength and interest, so gender, position, family etc..etc.. doesn't change it.

    If their friendship is rightly understood by the concerned parties (staff, that woman's family, etc), I do not think there is anything to bother about it.

    Not all the guys are self centered and bad.

    I am not sure whether it is 100% professional or not. But personally, I have been more than a right hand to one of my supervisors in the past.
    He was unmarried and into his late 30s then. I was in my mid 20s and married.
    He trusted me a lot. We both lived in a different country away from our respective homes.
    So, having someone very reliable is important. For me, he was my boss and I had my best friends outside of the office to hang with.
    But for him, I was the only person he could confide and have the trust.
    When he was sick or when he was in any emergency or when he was needed a helping hand for some important personal matters etc.. he needed me.
    Often times, I booked his flight, made his on-line money transfers (I knew his on-line bank PWs), booked his meals if needed, and sometimes it felt as if I was treated as a secretary. But I did all of them wholeheartedly because I liked him a lot.
    There was a good friendship and understanding between us. But we were not like fun filled friends like other friends. The respect and the boss vs subordinate kind of space was always there.
    For me he was like an elder bro.
    I don't know what he thought about me.
    He often favored me because he thought I was a very professional, loyal, honest and diligent staff member.
    When I left the place, my other colleagues say "your boss is now handicapped". It affected him a lot then.
    I too missed him to some extend.
    It was more than a staff Vs boss relationship. It was like a student Vs teacher or mentor Vs follower kind of status quo for me.
    Just felt like sharing....

    So, it is possible... Unless you know what is going between them, we can't be suspicious about them. Not all the people are bad.
     
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  5. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    Well, obviously they are more than just colleagues or that is what an outside observer would assume. They are either having an extra-marital affair or they have a platonic relationship. In either case, it doesn't say great things about the status of your friend's marriage. If you are concerned, talk to her about it and see what she has to say. Also, where is the husband in all this?
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks like her MIL is uncomfortable about this. Where is her H and what is his stand about this?
    A well balanced woman with good character knows how to respect the borders be it friendship or anything. Her family, especially her husband will know his wife and the status quo between she and her colleague.
    It may look too much for the outside world, but if the concerned parties have no issues, it means they know something more than what the outsiders know.

    MILs can exaggerate and make a mountain out of a mole hill. So, beware before you conclude with anything.
    Because some really engage with EMA or slightly emotional affairs on the pretext of friendship. Who knows...
     
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  7. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Frankly, at this point I am not concerned. Husband was suspicious when both of them were carpooling initially, then he stopped asking questions to her, they fought, made up, have a baby now. Till now, I never felt a thing, but this just felt too much. Manager visiting her frequently during lunch in the house, going straight to her room and talking to her. Felt ultra modern to me, but then I am of a different period, this just bowled me over - as in, am I so backward thinking? And if the bad is true, it is not good news for me, but then I don't want to think about it. None of my business, I have enough headaches.
     
  8. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    You are not backward in your thinking. A man and woman sitting together unsupervised always contains the potential for sexual contact, especially in the privacy of the bedroom. I am surprised the husband is allowing all this. The whole thing seems strange.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is little too much for me. But are you sure about these details? Have you seen them first handedly when they met in the bedroom? Or is it from another witness's account?
    Because people can twist the things and make it a little too much?

    If the case is true, what is the response of the husband?
    Is he OK?
    Even if he is not around, I am sure the MIL - or the person who narrated all this to you, would have alerted the H too, right?
    Did he do anything about it?

    It is not modern. There should be a decent border.
    They can be friends, help each other when in need, but that should be it.
    Entering her bedroom, that too quite often seems a little too much.

    Perhaps they are having a secret relationship, and hiding it on the pretext of Mgr Vs subordinate roles.
    Perhaps her H knows it all, and allowing it to happen for some benefits (Eg financial etc...)
    Perhaps the H is too innocent or too blind in love, so he overlooks the red flags
    Perhaps there is some friendship, but the MIL is twisting it and making a mountain of a mole hill (which her son understands).

    Whatsoever, if it is not about your family, better you ignore it
     
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  10. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, it does feel strange. The husband fought and gave up. It is a long story. I can see why he is acting so strange nowadays. But I can't say it is something, it is just that why can't the woman see through it? Why is she being so stupid? Again, maybe I just don't understand and I don't want to understand either. I have started keeping my distance and again I feel sad because I am bombarded with strangeness around me.
     
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