Is It Easy To Forgive?

pinky2cute · Nov 19, 2016

Hi,
Just been thinking about this for a while. Me and H have lot of fights and mostly it is due to H's immaturity and egoistic attitude that he makes mole out of a mountain. actually his whole family is like that. They would suit so well for typical indian saas bahu soaps!

Anyways, so whenever he creates a big issue out of nothing and uses abusive foul language, i get furious and will answer him back equally. we won't then talk for days or weeks together.

Usually it will be always me who will call back and patch up with him. but once I call, he would talk abd later realise his mistake and promise to not repeat again.

Yet in the next fight, the same cycle continues.
So when in fresh fight, i remind him of how he hurt me in the past with his words n deeds etc... he would get even more hyper and accuse me that I'm the one to always bring past and that's why fights happen.
Yes I agree that i do bring up his past wrong deeds and his parents how they hurt me ...but what am i supposed to do? just sit quiet and let him shout?

I know many would say jus ignore and move away ...but to be honest I cant just do that when he shouts shows male egoism esp ehen mistake is his.
I love him and I know he loves me but i cant forget or forgive all the emotional hurt n pain he and his family caused me.

The inlaws are not well educated (jus 12th and 10th pass) so have village behaviour ...like son is more than daughter.... dil should listen n do watever they say... dil should get gifts n all frm her home fr festivals etc.... which i stood against and told them clearly no demands will be entertained.

After a huge drama and huge fights ....they stopped their demands.... bt it is hard for me to forgive them for the initial months behaviour.

I want to ask you all...
Is it easy to forgive inlaws and dh?
I somehow developed dislike towards his parents. i find them dishonest liars. they speak about preaching truth and god-fearing but iknow the truth that they are opposite to that.

GoogleGlass · Nov 19, 2016

Don't react to their actions, which he and they want you to.

Ignoring is the best form of insulting.

Avoid as far as possible the situation to exhibit male egoism. If not possible avoid reacting and getting hurt.

Soon they would stop once their ego is hurt for no reaction of yours.

Sparkle · Nov 19, 2016

pinky2cute said: ↑

Anyways, so whenever he creates a big issue out of nothing and uses abusive foul language, i get furious and will answer him back equally. we won't then talk for days or weeks together.

So when in fresh fight, i remind him of how he hurt me in the past with his words n deeds etc... he would get even more hyper and accuse me that I'm the one to always bring past and that's why fights happen.
Yes I agree that i do bring up his past wrong deeds and his parents how they hurt me ...but what am i supposed to do? just sit quiet and let him shout?
Click to expand...

Its better to be silent when he hurls abuses at you. Or if you want to give back, just say that he cannot use such language with you ever in a stern voice. Do not bring up the past. And walk away from the place.

pinky2cute said: ↑

Usually it will be always me who will call back and patch up with him. but once I call, he would talk abd later realise his mistake and promise to not repeat again.
Click to expand...

If it happens again, give some more time to see if he calls back.

pinky2cute said: ↑

I love him and I know he loves me but i cant forget or forgive all the emotional hurt n pain he and his family caused me.

The inlaws are not well educated (jus 12th and 10th pass) so have village behaviour ...like son is more than daughter.... dil should listen n do watever they say... dil should get gifts n all frm her home fr festivals etc.... which i stood against and told them clearly no demands will be entertained.

After a huge drama and huge fights ....they stopped their demands.... bt it is hard for me to forgive them for the initial months behaviour.

I want to ask you all...
Is it easy to forgive inlaws and dh?
I somehow developed dislike towards his parents. i find them dishonest liars. they speak about preaching truth and god-fearing but iknow the truth that they are opposite to that.
Click to expand...

You stopped their behaviour, so you have a reason to bring up the past or argue only if it happens again. No, its not easy to forgive, but you can try. When you hold dislike towards someone, you are the who is most affected by that feeling. Not the one you dislike. If not for them, forgive them for yourself.

pinky2cute · Nov 24, 2016

GoogleGlass said: ↑

Don't react to their actions, which he and they want you to.

Ignoring is the best form of insulting.

Avoid as far as possible the situation to exhibit male egoism. If not possible avoid reacting and getting hurt.

Soon they would stop once their ego is hurt for no reaction of yours.
Click to expand...

I'm ttying tht but its hard to ignore.

pinky2cute · Nov 24, 2016

Sparkle said: ↑

Its better to be silent when he hurls abuses at you. Or if you want to give back, just say that he cannot use such language with you ever in a stern voice. Do not bring up the past. And walk away from the place.

If it happens again, give some more time to see if he calls back.

You stopped their behaviour, so you have a reason to bring up the past or argue only if it happens again. No, its not easy to forgive, but you can try. When you hold dislike towards someone, you are the who is most affected by that feeling. Not the one you dislike. If not for them, forgive them for yourself.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the detailed reply....i agree on your points.
I warned him now that no matter whatever fights we may have, he has no right yo abuse me verbally.
I'm trying to forgive my inlaws for the initial days bt still not able to completely accept them.

vinodsinha · Nov 27, 2016

pinky2cute said: ↑

I'm trying to forgive my inlaws for the initial days bt still not able to completely accept them.
Click to expand...

Why should you forgive your in-laws and accept them ? That is not the mission of your married life ! Mind it !

Rather, focus on whether you can forgive and accept your man ! That is worth it ! If you can do so, then, at least you won't verbally abuse him back, in the same foul language, in which he starts abusing you first.

When your return abuse stops, at least he will initiate his verbal abuses much less frequently, than what he did in the past !

Chance of peace definitely exists, in this effort. But, reconciling with in-laws is an effort not worth it. They will continue to see you as an 'intruder' , who has 'taken away' their beloved son , from them. Their hate on you is going to be unending and permanent.

But if you bring down (by genuinely forgiving him) , your retaliatory abuses on your husband and your retaliatory hatred you shower on him ,during your fights, then, he will definitely change. He will be much more positive towards you.

Try it, it is worth it.

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