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is husband really momma's boy or wife is the scapegoat?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by coolgal123, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    in this forum, most of the ladies say that their husband loves their mom too much and they are momma's boy...i also fall in the category of those ladies who got mumma's baby...but somehow i think how can be an adult person behave in such manner..i feel that these husbands become mumma's boy when it comes to their wife....its not their love for their parents...its the easiness of the path...when wife suffer through hands of in laws, husband tries to choose the easy path, ignorance of issues....and as supporting their mom is easy as compare to supporting wife so they appear like momma's boy...
    whenever my in laws say/do bad things to me my husband behaves as if he didn't hear/see/understand (whichever is applicable to the situation) and never tries to open his mouth....at that time it seems as if he has applied glue on his lips.....but if they say a thing to him he never scare of confronting....
    i guess our husbands make us a scapegoat to please their parents...after marriage husband also makes out that now his parents happiness lies in a parrot which is the DIL of the house....so husband also press the neck of parrot whenever necessary...:drowning
    your thoughts, experiences, agreement, disagreement, suggestion for how to deal with this are most welcome
     
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  2. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    It is in case of DWs DHs become momma's boy, as you say. A psychiatrist mentioned in her book that blood is thicker than water. So even if the guy wishes or not, the genes in him make him go mad if he sees his parents crying. Wife is a stranger after all. But things change when children grow. He needs Wife for sure to make kids happy and he cannot see his kids worried coz of his parents. So ultimately most men change around 45 years and thats how most of our MILS are blessed with great husbands. Unfortunately they tend to forget the lesson life had taught them and we are here to vent.
     
  3. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree that blood is thicker than water. But these DH and in-laws expect the wife's blood to be thinner than water for her own relatives. I really don't understand how MILs expect their DILs to ignore their family and be with them whereas they want their own DDs to stick to them 24X7!

    Such double standards are not evident to the DH for he feels that his mother is always right. As a kid he always learnt to obey and follow his mother's advice and ideas for she has been always right. And most of the sons don't have the courage to tell their mothers that they are wrong. And they are fools who believe that their mothers are so good and caring for their wife unless there is something extreme incident on their face which makes them realize the truth.

    This realization of double standard is something which comes over time, seeing the incidents with wife at home, with kids (when DH knows having his wife is integral part of his life and his siblings won't be there for him or his family), things start changing. At that time the MIL also loses her control over the house and over her DS as her son gets busy in his own family, work and life. And yes, DIL also gets to know how to tackle and reply to MIL that her MIL knows that it's better not to mess up with her DIL!
     
  4. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Silvertulip,
    How many times these men do obey their moms when it comes to expensive gadgets, fashionable attire, vehicles etc. Never is the answer. Only to prove their family that the wife listen to the husband, means he has an upper hand, the men makes sure that they nod to their moms. Also, they hope MIL can be used a bait to make them come under their strict rule when required.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Weak men just choose to side with the stronger team in the IL Vs DIL conflict. Strong men choose to side with the right team irrespective of who gets offended.
     
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  6. Minara

    Minara Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there something called a part-time MB? Cos that's what my DH is.. At times he's an MB to the point that I would feel like pulling out all my hair.. and then other times, like now, he's the sweetest thing in the whole wide world...
     
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  7. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    You know dear, in my case she tries to dictate that also for DH! She will make face if he likes something which she doesn't like! She tried dictating her ideas on the gifts I used to purchase for him! I got bugged and stopped buying, and he felt the heat of his dear mother's taunts! If he buys stuff for himself with my opinion, she taunts him that now he doesn't seek her advice like he used to do before. I just ignore, no point bothering.
     
  8. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey Silvertulip,
    you know what she still says she liked scorpio car and they had bough i10(DH worked there so there was 10% discount). Still she says scorpio is best. I couldnt keep my mouth shut and said it is meant for rowdies, as shown in movies. DH recalled how she pestered them to wear white shirts and pants and get huge gold chains and said it would perfectly match.

    I could not see this in my mom, she stops with comments. She says which is nice, and which looks bad for bro. He says straight he knows the best. It all depends.


     
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  9. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Mine is 3/4th MB. What to call him? Again sometimes he is upset by being accused taking up sides with either me or his mom....

     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    In my case... H wud never speak back if something was spoken bad for him... so leave alone supporting me, maybe he was used to growing up with more abuses... and not me....

    Of late he's started showing them the truth:
    Eg: PILs went for a vacation while having a vacation at our place... on the day of return i asked H to confirm if they wud have dinner at home.. H said he has a party and his parents confirmed they're eating on the way.. as arrival was late night.... Co-incidentally it poured cats n dogs and their vehicle cudn't stop at a decent place for food.... and trio arrived sometime post mid night .. and hogged on whatever dry snacks they cud....

    Next morn... FIL was singing ... I never said we won't be eating food you heard it wrong (to his son), now in this decade for the first time I saw H telling the truth in an irritated tone... imm there was a disaster recovery program from MIL and FIL buttering son with all possible goodies/ eatables that were hiding in his bag........... :bonk :bonk

    There's no doubt that GUYS love to select the easy way out... and they get a pedestal of better treatment in their own home ... who's complaining if they turn the wife into a goat.... only when they themselves become the goat they wake up...
     

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