Is controlling parenting uncommon or common in Indian culture?

Loving,

The way I see it you are processing your experiences and attempting to heal yourself in this way. So no need to apologize or feel bad if people refuse to believe you. I would just take that out of the equation if I were you. I am sad to read about what you went through but I feel you are on the right track. Only by speaking out about what happened to you will you be able to begin to make sense of it. You will find your way through it but it will take time a few years. you will go through a phase of hating what was done to you, and try to make yourself the opposite and then swing to other extreme. there will be stages, first denial then anger then acceptance. I hope you find the peace ultimately and the strength to forgive them. Only forgiving them will set you free of these memories.

As far as the overall debate about parents being controlling goes my take on that is: parents try to guide kids acc to what they know. They remember their experiences and try to do a 'do-over' in their kids forgetting that time (20-30 years) has passed, things have changed and its a brave new world out there. Very often these controlling parents are basically clueless. You can equally call it 'fear of unknown' or 'fear of venturing into unknown territory' as much as you can call it controlling, imo. You will notice that this holds whether the example is about dating black people or what your mom did. I feel she herself did not know what to do and fell back on the familiar to guide her when life threw her into unfamiliar territory. Unfortunately for you the familiar for her was this idealized world where she could only get by denial denial denial. All in all yours is a sad story but the very fact you are speaking out is a hopeful sign. You are strong and will emerge successfully from this turmoil this is my hope for you.

 

reading this helped me feel less alone as well. thank you. <3