Irritating behavior - need a sharp comeback

Mscongeniality · Jul 30, 2014

Greetings! I am an avid reader of this forum and find many of your insights extremely resourceful in handling major and minor issues relating to spouse and ILs. I know my concern is minor, even trivial considering the nature of some of the queries posted here but I must say in my defense that through tolerance and tact I have averted major conflicts with ILs and have built a harmonious relationship with husband and ILs. ILs needle me with minor taunts about my family - it bothers me but I try to ignore it in the interest of maintaining peace. I do not live with them and face these issues only when they visit me or we visit them every other year. An issue is brewing now for which I need your input. An old female friend of my DH (she is also a family friend it seems and is now divorced) is surfacing back in our lives. He does not seem to show any interest in catching up with her or meeting her although for the past few years, every time he visits India my MIL and SILs encourage him to meet her. They invite her to all family functions and this month at a wedding in India, which my DD and DH attended, she also came and everyone seems to have made a big deal about how these two are finally getting back together. My DH mentioned all of this to me and joked that they refer to her as his "girlfriend". I know they will go on and on and elaborate on this when we meet them next and may invite her also. I want to handle their taunts with tact and do what I can to make them not bring this up again. They never seem to know when enough is enough and a joke is in poor taste. Has anyone every experienced this - if so, how did you handle it? Thanks in adance.

anika987 · Jul 30, 2014

Well..tell them laughingly "I guess it is also time to bring my bf"

anmolhai · Jul 30, 2014

In our family if anyone tries to bring the talk about other girls that dh met before me then I usually brush off the comment by saying...well I guess we were meant to be together that's why you didn't marry that other girl and I didn't marry that other boy

and ten jut move on quickly without getting irritated.

Mscongeniality · Jul 30, 2014

Thanks, Kalpanasrikanth and ammolhai - will try to let it slide off with a smile rather than giving them the pleasure of taunting me further.

yellowmango · Jul 30, 2014

If this happened to me,I would take this as active attack on my marriage.Not something to joke about at all. Your husband should have put a stop to this long time back.
Tell your husband you consider this as their attack on your marriage . Warn him not to let this happen again because if this happened with you...he would probably not take it as a joke. With mil and sil like this...who needs enemies.Sick Women.

chillbreeze · Jul 30, 2014

Hi OP, I agree with YM. This is not a joke and should not be taken in lighter sense. Within a week after marriage, my pils made me sit and were casually telling about couple of previous girls they met while searching alliance and proceeded to sing praises about the riches of the girls' families and that they didn't want the money but their son's happiness and a good girl so said no to them. Since I was newly wedded I thought they are just making small talk and telling the story of how they selected me. But later I realized they were just trying to say indirectly that they didn't want a girl from a very rich family coz she may not obey them all the time and they expect me to be a good dil coz they chose to bestow the honor of being their dil on me. (Both my family and pils' family are middle class only).

Anyway at that time, I responded to them like marriages are made in heaven, so we can never say who will end up with whom. But later on, I told DH that his parents need to stop bringing stories of the past to me as it is doesn't concern us now and I don't want to hear about how great other girls and their families were when we are starting a new life together. And that was the last I heard of them.

PS. Btw, I like your username:thumbsup.

yellowmango · Jul 30, 2014

Dear Op...give your husband two options.
1) He calls them up to stop the nonsense immediately and stop causing trouble.
2) You will directly call them up and ask what their intentions are and why .

Akanksha1982 · Jul 30, 2014

Agree with YM, this is not a joke.

Your MIL and SIL are pathetic. However, telling DH to talk to his mother and sister about stopping it depends on whether he himself is interested in stopping the nonsense or not. With his description of the joke it looks like he is enjoying the joke too.

So what is about the that women that MIl and SIL are going gaga over it. Is she beautiful, from a richer family or what?

I think keep a watch on your DH. He maybe communicating with her on FB or Whatsapp etc.

Next time when MIL/SIL brings her topic up, just tell them that she got saved from not having to listen to such talks.

Weasly · Jul 30, 2014

Dear Op,

1. When your sil and mil dont have the decency to treat you with respect, they have no business joking with you about anything, specially about this !! (I wonder if ur fil's or ur sil's husband's old alliances surfaced, is this how they will behave?? Brush it aside like a joke??). So please nip it in the bud !! Such foul and vile people exist in this world, its absolutely disgusting !!

2. With your dh, tell him u appreciated his prior stance of ignoring her, and thought your marriage is strong, but him joking about it now and encouraging this meet and all is not appreciate. Would he be okay if you rekindled a friendship with an old flame?? Just tell him once in a stern voice that you are hurt !

guesshoo · Jul 30, 2014

If they start any nonsense like that, look straight at them and say, "it is not funny. It is extremely offensive and disrespectful not only to our relationship but also to the girl to be spoken about like this. So, stop acting like stupid teenagers."