Irresponsible Brother

First of all , be happy that your brother is staying with parents, even as a newly married guy. It is not advisable to live with parents in the initial years of marriage as there are bound to be tiffs, so maybe that's why the attitude issue. If they are staying together, it's your brothers duty to prevent his wife from feeling insecure. She is newly married, and she left her parents to live with your parents. So your brother should make her feel that it doesn't change much, and her parents will also get same attention and importance. Also, if he visits his in-law's house and stays for days, what's the issue?- anyway, he is staying permanently with your parents only na. So, don't worry about his closeness to his in-laws. Your brother and his wife are a team, and both the parents are equally important. If he wouldn't give time to wife's parents, she may also refuse to live with his parents. Then you will have bigger problems.

Are you or younger sister there for your parents? Rather your brother is the one staying with your parents. But you think younger sister will be there for him?? In reality, younger sister will be busy with her own family, no time to look after her own parents, forget about brother. But without doubt, it's his wife who will be there for him till the end. So let him give importance to her parents for his own good.You should not compare. Imagine your brother feeling why sister is giving so much importance to her husband and in-laws after marriage, but not to me and my wife!

Dowry is illegal, still your parents are giving car to sister for whatever reason(on whose demand??) - so maybe that's why your brother is resentful towards new BIL.
Don't know what's the family dynamics here... I believe children should not have such expectations from parents such as bike and car and whatever.But parents , if they are interested to give, can at-least treat all children equally.They have to realize that they are dependent on son( don't know financially but at-least physically for old age care), so why would they give him the least ??????? I think if your parents can't afford a bike for the child who is taking their responsibility, shouldn't be buying car for the child who's going to get married and go away! It's not their duty to provide bike and car to their children, but if they are going to do it, at-least be fair!! I think problems can be solved when both parents and kids, stop having unfair expectations from each other, and build relationships on trust, understanding rather than material expectations. Brother is too immature to demand bike from parents, instead of buying on his own.Same for your BIL/sister accepting car from your parents, when in-fact doing nothing for them.That's even worse. Unless your parents are financially dependent on your brother, he can't interfere in their money. On the other hand, your parents also shouldn't be grossly partial/unfair to their son relative to daughters, or he may chose to live separately, and ask you both to take care of parents. Are you both ready for that??

I am a bit confused as to what exactly happened, but this is not correct.

 

True . balancing is the only solution. Both parents and children has to balance.both sons and daughters should balance parents and in-laws. Parents too can see sons n daughters equally.then no problem will be there in any family. Op's issues can be tackled easily with open communication.

 

Every woman has to learn the art of positive controlling as well as be a person of respect to husband. ur sis in law already has it. That is a good sign. One more thing we don't know what are the adjustments she is doing to keep ur brother and ur parents happy. We all have ups and downs in family. So is ur sis in law. She is there with ur parents only. So she respects ur family and ur brother. So ur bro has to visit her family too.

 

Some one had narrated one sided story to you .Think about it. It looks like that from your point of view. Every one have their own private space and mingle with likely minded people.

 

When your future BIL takes your family out for lunch/dinner its fine but when your newly married brother takes his wife's family for outings then its wrong I don't understand this logic. Well its wrong for both son/daughter to expect that their parents should buy a bike/car. However your brother may feel that your parents are ready to buy their daughter a car but not a bike for him. But your brother cannot control how much your parents are planning to spend on your sister's wedding unless he is bearing those costs.But did your parents show the same kind of enthusiasm when your brother got married? Did they do the need full during his wedding also matters.

 

Hi there....
Sorry if i come across as rude..... First things first, your brother is an adult and he is married and knows to think what is right and wrong....
You cannot comment or say wrong if he spends time with his inlaws, your sister in law is staying with your parents and spending time too.... there is something called mutual understanding and trust between couples, where a third person cant interfere or make a nasty comment....

Only thing what a girl or a boy can and should always expect from their parents is their unconditional love and blessings, not a bike or car.....

There is nothing wrong in your brother spending his time with his inlaws, thats between him and his wife....

Kindly develop a hobby or divert your thoughts towards something productive to keep yourself away from such silly things....

 

this logic is what drives 75% of problems with in laws in societies.

When son spends on wife, he is spoiling her
When SIL spends on daughter, he is a good husband

Ditto for every other purchase/action/transaction

 

BIL : Can spend time with his inaws : Which is acceptable
Brother : Spending time with his inlwas is mistake.

This is how we treat our family with others family and misunderstandings will come.

 

I think solution is very simple...please ask your parents to not give dowry/gift car to your younger sister. Clearly, gifting car is beyond their financial capacity, as they are not able to afford bike for their "own family". Advice them to save their money , after all son and DIL are taking their responsibility, so they should also have some concerns / responsibility to save the money than send it out of "the family"( your parents, bro & SIL). I feel many of the attitude problems will get solved.
If they want to give more importance to daughters only, at cost of son, they should not expect that newly married son to stay with them. Let him go, live nuclear with his wife, or even in his in-law's house if he wants!! You both daughters are there to take care of parents na? They cannot hold him ransom just because he is a male. Rights come with responsibilities.
Did not your parents educate you daughters and make you capable of job and financial independence?? Still you think you daughters are entitled to car from parents without taking any responsibility for them, while brother is evil to expect bike , but should live like prisoner taking care of them, but not allowed to visit inlaw's house? You cannot have your cake and eat it too! If you are so concerned about your sister, you can gift her a car yourself as you are working (thanks to your parents) , instead of expecting from "brother's family"(i.e bro,SIL and your parents).