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Invite Discrepancy

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 16, 2018.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not a kid's birthday party, it's not a wedding either. One evite sent to the family is good enough. Her invite protocol need not match yours. FWIW, if someone invited me in so many ways - call, evite, reminder, I'd begin to feel hounded. If I was looking for a polite way to say No to the evite and waiting for a good time to decline in evite, I would find it hard to respond to the verbal, text invites issued meanwhile.

    When they need help, do both of them call or one of them does? Most likely one does. Similarly, if one invites to the party, it is counted as an invitation from their family to your family.
    On the contrary, be nice to someone still new to the place, and just rsvp yes/no to the invite.

    Maybe she doesn't want to pressure you into saying yes if you are planning to decline. She doesn't want to seem desperate or pushy.

    Like MalStrom said, it is an invite sent through evite, respond through evite, and that's all there is to it.
     
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  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    It's a housewarming and baby naming ceremony party. I feel it's a big enough party / function in Indian context. When they needed driver to drive around thier baby to doc , drive to grocery and all sorts of tiny helping...here I'm talking about the lady. When they need no hesitation to call up day/night no botheration about others. I helped all the while thinking she is new to the place with newborn.
    I feel it's a definite formality to inform about the party at least. Her dh Sending evite to my DH doesn't sound good, and expecting myself to attend the party.
    People should have basic manners. When they need help I'm thier "friend", when it comes to them "just another aquitance".
    I never considered her as a friend, more of an aquitance. Still it bothers because she extracted sooooo much from me, few times I compramised my schedule.
    I'm sharing all these to make you have a clear picture.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2018
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Update -
    Another mutual friend or close aquitance who too did some 'seva' to the "party organizer" , informed she too didn't get any text/call to the party. Only her DH received evite. This mutual friend is totally pissed off at the lady. Because recently when the mutual friend was in traveling to India , this lady dumped her with so many things to give her inlaw or parents and while returning back her parents or inlaws gave around 15 kg. Which the friend had to carry, friend has informed this particular lady she can carry only 5 kg.
    Somehow she convinced the friend, my point is despite time difference , new born, she had so much time and energy to call and cojole fix things.
    Now when it's her turn to be good host, she is playing innocent , naive.
    You may think it's silly, but that friend felt low, because she used her more. I was the driver, another friend was cook, did so much help.
    I feel we were used. I got a lesson never go overboard to help, thinking it's alien land etc etc. Some don't deserve.
     
  4. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Maybe your etiquette is just different from hers?
    Obviously when I need something or a friend needs something from me - the mode of communication is text/call.

    But since party is a group thing - we send evites and maybe post in whatsapp group - provided everyone in the group is invited.

    Otherwise its perfectly acceptable/normal to send on person in the family the evite.

    I think this could be just a difference in practice/perception.
     
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  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Since so much has happened, its really your decision.
    If you don't want to go, please don't go
     
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  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Now the other Friend wants to call and ask the host, in a casual tone , about the function also ask her why she didn't call/ text her.
    But I think this confront won't be nice
    What you ladies think
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kill with kindness. Text and ask her if she needs any help with the party.
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vedhavalli,

    Action 1 - Send an eVite to her for a casual dinner at home with her family on the same day

    Action 2 - If she communicates that she has a party at home and was expecting you to come for the party, then attend mentioning that your husband told you about eVite but you forgot the date. If she declines your dinner invite with nothing said, assume she wanted your husband only to show up and don't attend.

    Viswa
     
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  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    i think its her business.
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes , I feel better not to get involved.
    I grewup with brothers , plots of female minds I'm still learning
    Better to say it's your wish
     

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