inter caste marriage problem, how to convince parents. pls advice

pandu123 · Jan 5, 2012

Hi, i am a 25 yr old brahmin girl, in love with a 27 yr old non brahmin guy. We both are working. My father expired in a road accident 2 yrs ago. My mom witnessed it and she was in depression until recently. I promised her that i will support her all through. But, later i fell in love with this guy. I have a younger sister. My mom came to know about my love 6 months back and she's completely against it. She does not even want to talk to him. My family did not expect it from me, nobody supports it. They even state my sisters marriage will be a problem if i dont marry a guy of my brahmin community. There is no problem on the guys side. Going out of home and marrying is an option but it is a very difficult thing for me, as i have taken up the responsibilities after my father expired, and i am worried about my mother. She does not keep in good health after the demise of my dad. And its been a tough time trying to forget that guy. I always want to try again. He is the guy i have always dreamt of, about my husband.
please suggest me. I have been badly upset about this issue. I dont know what is the right thing to do. I am torn between two sides, unable to leave either of them. pleeaasee advice.

pandu123 · Jan 5, 2012

sorry i posted in the wrong section. but any advices are welcome

LoveUrLovedOnes · Jan 5, 2012

Hi,
I can understand your situation, because I am also almst in the same situation. My father left us 12 years back, and my mum has struggled to bring me up. I also have a younger sister. I am in love with a guy, for more than 2 years. Till now, I have not told my mum about it, because I lack the guts to tell her. But she came to know about it through my sister. Initially she was not happy about it, but then, gradually over the 2 years, she came to know that he cares for me, and my family( unlike the usual chauvinistic approach of men). But anyway, when i tell her, probably 2 years down the line, all my relatives will oppose. That is for sure. But I have decided to marry him, only when my mum approves.

I feel, that you should convince your mum. It is pointless to marry without her approval. And your mum needs your support at this time. If you go and marry without the permission of your mum, it ll lead to problems during your sister's marriage. And people will comment that your mum has not brought up the kids properly.

so, I feel that you should convince your mum

simrose · Jan 11, 2012

I too agree with "Loveurlovedones"

sumaramesh · Aug 30, 2012

HI

I marriage is Love marriage... I suggest you first do your sister marriage. Its true that if you get married out of community, your
sister mite have problem getting married, coz of this Society..

Convince your mom about your sister marriage first. Explain how good your guy is, and how happy he can keep you..
So explain her to get sister marriage done first, that wise it wont affect her marriage and later you can marry your guy....

Here is my LOVE STORY

Mine is Love marriage. I am married to Tamil brahmin from Chennai. Am Kannadiga from Blore.

I worked with him short period in same company. Became friends, gradually decided to marry. Next question was to make both parents agree for this marriage..

My side: Dad was initially hesitant later i could convince saying he has good job and Masters from U.S and a very good boy.. Mom was ok from beginning...

His side: Immediately agreed as his Sister(hubby sister) also had love marriage....

Though everything looked smooth initially, my hubby lost job because of IT Recession, and my MIL started arguing to postpone marriage, but my brother marriage was already fixed and mom wanted to finish my marriage and then do Bro's marriage. This matter made a biggg conflict and arguments b/w two families.. Though my FIL agreed, my MIL never agreed.

Finally me and Ramesh seeing the tensions going on here, decided to get Registered marriage, as i dint want to risk.. Finally his parents learnt abt Registered marriage and agreed to do Religious marriage..

So with all this issues, luckily on marriage day every thing was calm and smooth and marriage went well in our style (Kannada Gowda)...

After marriage had to go chennai(MIL's Place). Had worst time with her, she did her best to humiliate and hurt and insult me, this created rift b/w me and my husband..After 45days of our marriage, MIL/FIL went to U.S for there Daughters delivery..

From then on it was little better, but fights had already caused damage. Later i returned to Blore, as i got job back in Blore.... Hubby got job 6 months later in Blore...

So after 1year of marriage i got an oppurtunity to set up our house, and initially we had some difference mainly coz of his parents things. Now after 3yrs, we are over all those things and moved on for better.....

Now i started tlaking to my MIL and SIL. And have invited her to stay with us for a week(She mainly stays with my SIL(in U.S) helping her with her 2 toddlers)..

Liza13 · May 13, 2013

I am not of the age 2 tink of my marriage...but still i m concerned about my future wid my bf.. He's a brahmin.....m not.... He's mother knws about us n is ok wid it.... But dis is also true dat d rest of the family is nt gonna accept me.. And it is impossible 2 convince my dad as well...

We both r in love.... n don't want 2 get separated... bt these thoughts haunts me... Shall i brek up wid him b4 we get more n more involved, so dat it wont hurt a lot? Or shall i go on wid dis risk? Please advice..... U all r so xperienced..
N i need ur guidance..

karthikaaa · Dec 11, 2013

Hi..same prblm evn i have..ours is like gownder ..he is reddys...so caste prblm...ma parents are not agreeing .thy are scared about relations..he is alreadt 31..he waited for me..but still i cnt say him to wait..donno wat do..i cnt runawy also...bcz i love ma parents..if i do like ..ths socity ll not allow thm to liv...i cnt cheat him..donno wat do ..any suggestions plz.