Inlaws want to move in with us..am confused and feeling guilty..

Sheethala · Jan 19, 2012

Thanks indianlover...taking care of kids is not possible for them..they have their own routines..though they say they will take care of the kids..i have seen it in their usual visits to our home that it is not possible for them. My kids are too young and they both need us to attend to them most of the time...my inlaws have their own time for food, sleep, exercise, tv, prayers..it is impossible for them to break it...so unless i am there to take care of the kids, its usually havoc at home.

Having heart to heart discussions ... is slightly difficult with my husbands family..they are all very sensitive lot..also they are very orthodox..not sure if that is the right word..but they are strongly rooted in the belief that daughter/daughter in law ..esp girls have to listen to elders completely..(all these years..i hv found it very difficult to explain to them anything..so i just dont usually talk unless necessary...and my husband does not discuss anything with them !! )

Vijikrish..I definitely want to take care of parents and inlaws very much...and i want my kids to get their love as much as possible..'cos as a kid I was given so much of love and affection by my grandparents and parents...
the problem is because of some very bad past experiences which is scaring me so much..i cant go into everything here but all i can say is ..me and my husband have had really bitter experience in the recent past that our entire lifestyle had changed...we wanted just to 'live' our lives.

But I do like the adjacent flats that many of you have suggested. Not sure how my MIL will take it though...am sure she will feel offended at first...lets see..but we are going to try this one for sure..I will let you know how this one goes thru'.

Pamela15 · Jan 24, 2012

Sheethala,

I agree with most who have suggested an in-laws apartment/house close to yours. Incase this doesnt work out, please hire a cook n full time nanny for kids - ignore whatever your in-laws tell you about not touching food cooked by someone else etc. They might create a fuss about it for sometime, but will eventually accept it down the line - considering that your hands are already full with young kids. Live your life the way you want to.
Create some space for them, in your house n heart and give it a try for a couple of months. Incase this doesnt work out, you can always explore options.
All the best!

orion80 · Jan 24, 2012

Sheethala,

You can also explore the option of a duplex house. This way you and your inlaws can live in the same house without each of you feeling that you are stepping on others toes. A separate apartment may work for sometime but eventually they will have to move in with you, when they are too old to live in a separate apartment on their own.

Hiring a full time maid/nanny goes a long way. You need not be bothered by the small chores which take up most of your time or require you to frequently attend to. You can ask your maid to do it while you can concentrate on your kids and cooking.