Hi Ladies, I am in US since last 3 year. Have a 3 year old daughter. We were very firm of going back to India until last month but now after the Delhi Gang-rape incidents and many other such incidents showing up from Delhi and all over India, I am feeling very scared to bring up my daughter in such an environment. Kids in Teens and beyond want to be on their own, go places with friends etc...I am very scared now. We are thinking would going back to India be an injustice to our kids who are here in a comparitevely safe and healthy environment. Also great access to facilities, uncrowded classrooms, library etc...Everything ovarall is great here, But the problem is both my and my DH parents are alone there (Both in Delhi). No other sibling. We really really care for them and we feel guilty each passing day as we left them alone there in India. So would our decision to stay here be an injustice to our old parents who dont say anything but much be missing us terribly. They and we can travel to and fro each year for next few years but ultimately thats not a solution. Please share your thoughts and experiences. Thanks Stuti
Stay in USA. (not because of the Delhi rape.... Just my 2 cents). I don't hate India. I love it... Flaws and all. I miss it terribly. I don't appreciate it if others mock it. But I have seen people r2i and then regret it. And make the decision because you and your husband want to relocate. Dont do it for anyone else because there is a slight possibility that you might resent / hold that person responsible (at least in the heart) if things are not smooth in the new country. Again just my 2 cents.
Hi Stuti, You and your DH can only decide what is good for you...You can note both aspects of going India and staying in USA and can see which one has more weightage. Like in my case ( this is just an example not to make influence in your decision) Cons - I miss my family everyday and do not feel like talking in skype fill this gap my DD ( 2 year old) is missing her grand parents's love and their affection ( vice versa as well) I feel no place is safe whether it's india or USA..I have heard a lot of cases here as well but yes as comparison to india USA is little more safer.. If I need any help..my family is there..I can call them at any time (It would be difficult in USA) and same is with parents/p-i-l ..if they need we can reach to them within few hours) And moreover..I prefer to grown-up my kid in my own culture Education is better ( this is based on discussion with my friends who are now GC holders or went back after satying in USA for long) Only benefits which I found in staying USA is - no interference in your life..everyone is independent (frankly speaking I don't want this independence). Safe than India Again..this is my personal opinion just ti give you example..You can decide based on your experience in USA and preference
Thanks Anita, Priya and Darshar for sharing your views. Priya, It felt like you read my mind. I 100% agree with all the points you mentioned about family and culture, However, education wise I am not too sure if India is better or it focusses too much on cramming and getting high marks rather than practical knowledge. But while asking the question about India or US, my primary concern is my girls safety. Seems like rapes/molestation is multiplying every passing day. Moreover I remember that while growing up in Delhi, me and my sister went through many many incidents of eve teasing and obsence gestures, unwanted remarks in our day to day life...going coming from school, tutions, markets...so my concern is to protect my daughter from going thru that in India. Thais all doesnt happen in US atleast. In other sense, I agree, noplace in safe.
Hi Stuti, I understand your concern. i also have 2 year old. But trust me, I have heard these eve tease issue in Jersey as well (not sure in other places). When I heard for first time I was shocked. Them my friend who was with me said..this not to be shocked if you walk in NY around 10 or so will hear same thing ( she is USA born and brought-up) but it's more in India (specially in Delhi, I was there for 4 year alone). But I guess you can check other places like Pune or Banglore ( before USA I was in pune and feel more safe than Delhi). My point to stay in India (any place) is you can reach at any time ( will not take more than 24 hrs), if required. I see you are from Delhi so you can reach within few hours. Again- It's my opinion/logic why I want to settle in India
Stuti, Your post reflects my thoughts...past few days i was really worrying about the safety, life values and laws in India. Not immediately, atleast after5-6yrs we thought we can move if want to.But after this Delhi rape, other incidents OMG!!! i'm not only worried for my 4yrs daughter, worried about my safety too.. accidents and vale given to life ...makes me to worry about my hubby's commute to office in that hectic traffic. After enjoying 6+yrs here all safety measures,organised library, traffic system, no bribe administratives here, not sure how we will adjust there.But when we think about our old and sick parents, really feeling down for missing them badly....(
I understand that what parents feel, us seperate from them. I have hard time with population and pollution, competition. Your parenst may feel happy, but is it right for your kids. You are crushed in-between two I think.
Seeing how much you are concerned about your daughter's safety shows that your daughter is indeed in safe hands. We cannot bubble wrap our children all the time wherever we are..US is no safer than India. Just teach your daughter to be a strong, brave woman/girl. She will survive anywhere. Do what your heart wants..to live near your parents or in US..Using the brain too much and thinking only adds to more confusion..Sometimes the problem might be small, or a problem might not even exist..we imagine and think too much and trouble ourselves over nothing. All the Best!
I literally just wrote this message on another R2I forum. Seems like this is on everyone's mind. I'm copying and pasting my response here. If you folks haven't been following this blog yet, you should if you are interested in this topic. The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker | My life and everything that touches it….. She pretty much writes exclusively on this topic these days. I don't think there's a single angle not debated and thought through regarding this issue. RBee unfortunately for us, I don't think there's an answer to this question anywhere in the world. While statistics and probability play a big role in safety of our girls, I think at the end of the day all we have left is a basic set of safety guidelines we can equip our daughters with and a healthy decent mindset for our sons. And hopefully participating in discussions and doing our little bit by raising children that are not like that. I grew up in a very conservative household. My dad never allowed me to have guy friends as long as I was in school or undergrad. He never let me go anywhere by myself. At one level it protected me in ways that most of my peers weren't but it instilled a fear in me that I've worked hard on scrubbing off in my 10+ years in the US. There are tons of posts by moms online about how miserable they feel about teaching their daughters to not walk alone, to take their guy friends or brothers with them. There are tons of others like this one here about what moms feel about raising their sons. People across the world are soul searching right now. The cries are endless. This is slow social change that has to happen around the globe. I don't think moving countries or not is going to solve this problem. But I can definitely tell you that girls grow up with a feeling of much more security in the US than they do here. It's much easier to find company to walk on the roads there. It's much simpler since you just mostly have to drive place to place there. You don't find men cat calling you at every junction no matter what you or your child are wearing. I think incidents like the one you point out happen in several states back there but they are just that - incidents. Here, every minute of your life is an incident if you are a girl. You are subject to this crap every minute you walk out in public. Every public moment is an incident. This is absolutely not the case in the US. I have never been subject to this anywhere except in Indian settings in the bay area (surprise! surprise!). I'm in no way belittling the sexual harassment there. But my own personal experience and that of my single friends (who've chosen to live there instead of return) points to a much better state of mind and confidence for girls there, than here. I will point out on the flip side however, (sweeping generalization alert!) that older women here (married with children) are much much more thick skinned, aware, confident, conscious of growing concerns and societal situations and adept at handling these situations. It's the classic story of what happens when you've been brought up in a rough environment, you learn to survive, to fight the system, to be aware in ways you've never been before. My .02 Crunch
