Inevitable Grudge

Hi,

While reading your post i felt im reading something thats right now happening in my life, though my story is a little diffrent, as in ours wasn't a love marriage but an arranged one.

we are married for 7 years and kept delaying to plans to have a family until 5 years and when we started TTc its only last year that we discovered my husband had issues in his counts, after a lot of convincing we took up a decision to go in for IVF, my Mil was & is against we having a child, in the course of years when there was any pooja happening at home or temple & when the priest happens to bless that may u have a child soon she use to always say no no they dont want.

Today when my IVF treatment started, its a battle that Im to fight all alone with very little support of my DH as he cannot accompany me to the Hospital every now and then, she was forcing me that i go back to my parents house and get the treatment done there, but my husband didnt want me to leave him n wanted to be with me.

Even today when I had to undergo a Hystoscopy surgery she didn't utter a word to come along or anything, infact shouted that why am i taking rest post the procedure and why am i not in the kitchen.

There isn't a day when she doesn't show a bad face to me or taunts me and searches reasons to create an issue.

She has announced that she wud'nt do anything in all the 9 months of pregnancy nor post delivery, whatever it is i have to manage and if i keep any servant its my look out.

So I tak it in a way that to reduce our future suffering and Karma god is making us suffer in these ways, we might be getting saved from some big big issues by facing our mils on day to day basis.

Its our Fate, we cannot change what the MIL has in her mind, Ive never come across any MIl who would think that her DIL is good, infact almost all MILs think their DIl's are the worst wives to their sons.

rather you leave it on God and live the best way you can, He'll takecare of everything, she might shout,fight and create a drama but at last its all about You, Your DH and Your kids, so seeing them take a deep breathe and live on for this too shall pass

 

Op...if looking at her face and her reactions is causing you anxiety.....stop looking at her face.
Just do your own thing and keep talks to minimum.

Get yourself a maid to do as much work as you can afford to pay for.
You are pregnant and don't need the anxiety .It is money well spent.

Have low expectations and depend on your husband for care a love.

Have a happy pregnancy .

 

100% follow @yellowmango ’s advice. You cannot keep feeling anxious in your own home and such a beautiful phase of life . Good luck with the pregnancy !

 

Op...you can't force people to care.
Imagine your mil is not physically fit to help out and then plan.
If she helps with something,it is a bonus.
Get a maid and plan your life with the help of husband and maid. This hopefully keeps things cool for everyone concerned.

No point have expectations followed by disappointment . Keep your life fully under your control.

 

Sometimes I wonder.. being a woman.. and being gone through that phase.. y some MIL’s dont take interest in the pregnant DIL. We are giving their family name to the child..carrying forward their legacy..etc. but a simple “did you eat?” will not come out of their mouth.
My MIl was more shocked than happy when we told about the pregnancy..didnt say anything.. we gave her sweets.. she had no expression.
There were always free advices on pinpointing mistakes and nothing on the betterment of the situation..
On the morning sickness... i cant even write a list of things she did.. its long. Just beacuse she had no morning sickness, she felt that no one will have it.. if it is there, then the baby has some issues and it is better to get rid.
Sigh! Sorry OP!

In short I had anxiety attacks like you...thinking about her high pitch tone.. it reduced only after i started giving back. It saved my sanity and my self respect.