Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws?

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Whoa!!! did not realise that one little missing laughy ..smiley thingies rotfl) make so much of a difference.

I meant it as a joke about Everybody loves raymond. Actually the MIL is so over the top in it but she still is close to many MILs described in this forum.

Infact one of my past co workers has a similar mom. She worked with us too (Indian though) in a different department and brought food for him everyday. She would ask him to throw the other food his wife gave.

I was the only other Indian person there so she talked to me always and invited me very often to eat with them.They were settled here for the past 35-40 years so my co worker was born here. O the plight of the poor people (co worker and his wife) ... they did not live together however she poked her nose in everything. Infact I started calling him "Raymond".

Hope that clears it

FL

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Western is definitely better. I cant imagine living with my mother in law. I would have ended up in prison for murder lol. But I cant imagine even living in the same STREET with an inlaw let alone house. and then they meddl and want to control your every moment. Westerners are not obliged to take care of the elders in later years. But, a small % of people take in their parents or parent as time goes on which makes that parent an inlaw to one of the parties taking them in, especially if one person is now alone and spouseless. my mother OPTED to live alone she refused to live with any of her children once daddy died. She lives in a senior commmunity and has her freedom and likes it just so. A lot of other mothers do the same, but some choose to take the children's offer and move in. SOMETIMES IT WORKS and sometimes it causes divorce becuase I think initially, people just cant mind their own business lol.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

I think this is the way it should be. People should have the option of doing what they want to do with their lives. In India, we do not have any options. Usually, if there are more than 1 sons, the one who is financially not well enough to move out is left behind with the parents. If all sons move out, none of them want to take the parent(s) in and they are endlessly and forcefully moved from one house to another, which is deemed fair mostly. all the sons arguing why should they be the one to shoulder the burden. In India, sons usually fight a lot about this issue. If their is only one son, he has no options, of course.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

But not the daughters? Only the sons are obliged in India? What is the mother never had a son, will this burden fall on the son in law? Is there absolutely no social care for older people like the us SS system and the German SS system and France and most of Europe?

Unless a person is poor and even if they are, the welfare system in the US and europe will tke care of their elderly. Some US states have great incentives for elderly people and no taxes, and it does not matter if they are dirt poor or filthy rich, they are all entitled to the same care. Many people either have SS insurance or husband died and left money or they get his retirement same over here. So there is no need to go move in with anybody, unless they absolutely want to and get along great and can zip the lip lol

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

@ poonkannny. on the funny note, while reading your post I someone could not think of SS as social security but thought of the SS in the European / german context. Was pretty confused...

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

hahaha... It took a few seconds to sink in that it was social security and not the dreaded "Schutzstaffel" from the WWII.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

And we all know what the current state of Social Security is!!!

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

I think our parents tend to obsess and micromanage us at the same time. It is a two edged sword.

The fast and do poojas so that we can get a good spouse. Ditto for boys mothers that obsess over their sons progress. By the same token they tend to micromanage even the lives of the adult children.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Caring for parents (IL or your own) is not bad. And most of the folks here agree on that. The issue starts happening when the parents forget that thier sons too have responsibilty towards his own wife and kids and cannot spend lavishly on them as before.Another thing i never understand is how come the son is responsible for providing for his nieces and nephews?? Just as women work in the US shouldnt thier sisters and brothers work and provide for their own kids?? Just because their son lives abroad, it automatically is assumed that he will take care of everybodys expenses in india.Coming to education - I agree with malaytha - not every indian parent is able to make their sons doctors and engineers. a lot of them spend thier life savings on their daghters wedding and they dont spend anythng on the sons wedding at all. The son has to manage his wedding , his education but the moment he starts earning a good income, its automatically assumed that the son will now take care of everything and its okay for them to demand a luxurious life from their son (something whichh they werent able to provide for their son). Parents need to be taken care of. But giving them final authority because they are your parents doesnt make sense and it is not right either. There is a fine line between need and greed. Indian parents often forget that.