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Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pridelady, May 7, 2010.

  1. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I don't think we can even compare any two cultures. Each culture has its own flaws. And every culture comes with its own beauty. So, if we could filter out the bad and take the good in our culture it would make a huge difference in bettering our lives.


    Yeah, that may be your view. I will not say that all bahus suffer in India and all inlaws are monsters there. You know, it all depends on the upbringing of any person and their outlook. Similarly, we cannot say all DILs in western world are living happily.

    BTW, 'Everyone loves Raymond' is one of my favorite shows too. Watch that and you will say inlaws issue is universal.
    Anyway, we cannot generalize relationship issues so easily. After all each individual is different and each person reacts differently to a given situation.
     
  2. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    :biglaugh yeah.. Those are the folks who want to have the cake and eat it too. :coffee
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2010
  3. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    It depends on what you want in life.If you want to be a loner ie just "your" family you can go ahead with ignoring everyone.

    If you want happiness around you , you need to adjust a lot.It involves adjustment from everyone.It is upto us to adjust or not to adjust.But the results will be according to what we are and how we are .

    Looks like we have forgotten "adjustment","patience" and "relationship" too.It is sad that some people equate adjustment with "breach of rights" and "privacy intrusion".

    As someone said ,To win some you have to loose some.
     
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    Since this thread seemed to be in theory of what we would like (since in reality we are Indian and hence live in mostly the Indian way), I didn't mention which method I use in real life.

    But like Ansuya, me and dh blend the two ways.

    With that being said, I never experienced the 'true' Indian way because my parents were very western thinking and I was brought up here, and my dh didn't really experience it because although he grew up in India... he paid for his own school (including college), paid for his own living accomodations, and most of the expenses for his first wedding, and got very little emotional support from his parents or relatives (i.e. he didn't have the close family experience most other Indians seem to get). His parents cringed to ever help him with anything or take care of him all growing up and even now. Even after we had given so much money, paid for them to have a lavish trip here when we were struggling, they would still not even do a simple thing like mail his school transcript records that they have lying in their house so he could get them evaluated for a job here. Yet, they want to have the power to interfere, control our lives and give unlimited input. Perhaps if they had been typical loving and involved 'Indian parents' we would not have minded their ways. But it's hard to put up with somebody's negative points, when there was never any positive points from them to begin with. I think the Indian system can work happily if everyone GIVES and is not just focused on GET. But that's how it is in any relationship I think, east or west. The Indian way didn't work for us because my inlaws want to be western when it comes to my dh making his own way in the world, supporting himself independently... yet when it comes to THEM, they want full on Indian way involving joint family, ultimate parental authority and big money payback.

    Like MsTrue said, can't have your cake and eat it too.
     
  5. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I feel for you ASG. You have the worst set of people as your inlaws. But it is good you live away from them.
     
  6. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    ASG, no Indian family is close. It is all mere acting. Every child has two faces - one in front his parents and the other behind their backs. This what happens in reality. Since I am frank, I face problems with my mom. Or at least many Indian families are like this. Master-slave relationship tied with strong emotions is what called Indian family system.

    I don't know about western parenting and western in-laws relationships, so I cannot comment on it. But if there is space for a person in Western culture, then I would prefer that. Indian parents or in-laws are always interfering.
     
  7. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    Really Mithy????? And your life experiences are representative of the entire Indian family dynamics??????

    This is very derogatory Mithy, to equate the relationship of a parent-child to that of master-slave! This is a small community and I really don't understand how all that is posted here can serve as a sample that happens in every household for people to start commenting that Indian family is this and Indian family is that. It is as absurd as saying every family in the West is dysfunctional because that's how they show it in American Beauty! Yes, Indian families are probably tied by a lot of emotions, but not all those emotions are negative in every family.

    This depends on each person's definition of interference Mithy. Some people may find something as mundane as "the coffee doesn't have enough sugar" uttered by the M-I-L as interfering, some don't! I really don't understand the basis for making such sweeping generalizations.
     
  8. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    [JUSTIFY]
    Please don't generalize mithy.. :) . Indian families are close(ofcourse there are exceptions). In my circle I never saw any children who were slaves to their parents. Yes parents advice...sometimes force to do things... but they might have genuine reason for that. Even if we don't follow what they say or rather order....at least we can listen to what they say...atleast understand their plight.....
    For example my mom gets irritated easily and we fight sometimes even now(after my marriage) for small silly reasons....she sometimes asks me to do some things which i don't do ....she says repeatedly do..do and do... I understand her plight in saying so(she definitely has reasons for what she says..which is agreeable..irrespective of I follow them or not)... That doesn't make her master and me slave. They are still my sweet mom and dad who genuinely care for me and my family

    Again...it depends on perspective.... Some in-laws or parents say/advice out of genuine reasons... They are more experienced in age than us. They might have seen world better than us. Not every advice given by in-laws/parents can be termed as interference... Sometimes thinking from their side also makes us feel that they are not interfering.

    And yeah sorry for diverting thread...but dear mithy :) you are getting married soon.... please don't have pre-notions about in-laws ...that they always are interfering... your in-laws might not be so..
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2010
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I have definitely seen some happy Indian families that are very close knit and wonderful people.

    There's good and bad family's everywhere. Mithy, as for my case, I just think my husband's village happens to be cursed by exceptionally nasty and cruel people. I knew this other woman who was from my husband's village (she used to live near us) and she was a MOM and can you believe, she would call her preteen daughter ugly and fat because she was a little chubby and had dark skin. This same woman was also cheating on her husband with another married man, who like her, also had small children. Then another guy we know from that village dumped his new wife in India and ran away to US after he made her spend big on a grand wedding and who knows what else (hint: dowry). I have just written that place off as miserable and cursed. But in no way have I written off the Indian family system, because I have seen too many other good families who love each other a lot. Just because my husband's family was devoid of love, doesn't mean all other Indian family's are... Hey, there's lots of love between me and my dh and hopefully our kids someday too... and we're Indian! :)
     
  10. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I disagree with mithy.

    I know many children who are the same in front of and behind parents. Not 2-faced.

    Parents are not dictators. Exceptions may be there.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2010

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