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In Need Of Inspirational Stories From Friends

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety82, Oct 7, 2017.

  1. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello how r u all?
    It's been a Lil long time to keep in touch with you. Again came back with a new post. I have seen many ups and downs(mostly this) in my life when it comes to relationships after marriage. That is with my in-laws and my husband. I was back stabbed teased and my name was totally spoiled by my in-laws just because Iam independent in thoughts and having my own way of line. This has happened for the past ten years with nil support from my husband. He is a great escapist. On the other side, he did much to comfy me in many things in life and has not interfered and controlled me in my own way. This is a plus. He never asks money nor he keep a track on my activities. But when it comes to his parents, he escapes or he supports them and he will be like this in future also I know that, Pointing me as a victim even for Lil things. Being in this situation, sometimes I can't even control my emotions and vent out myself in a room keeping all these in mind struggling alone without any emotional support except my parents. I was totally insulted by my sil for no reason(I swear) because Iam from a middle class family. So I couldn't withstand my sils behaviour so I stopped talking with her without any argument or fight. This has created a big cyclone and I was compelled to talk with her irrespective of her behavior stating that since because she is my SIL I have to talk and she will behave and treat me however she wants. Slowly my pil emotionally abused me and everytime earns a sadistic pleasure out of teasing me by words.I also had miscarriage s because of mental agony (for this I had a comment that I was not interested to have a child) . The limit exceeded and I came out and now living alone with my husband. I won't interfere in his happiness with his parents and at the same time I stopped talking to them. I really am afraid of my future because of their reckless behavior towards me and worry that they shouldn't disturb me anymore. I would like to know where am I doing mistake. Whether Iam mentally weak or am I not have any tolerance on my self respect damage or something that I should improve to have guts or I don't know. At the same time I have an urge in mind to come up in life in career wise so that I can maintain my self value. I really want to come up and live before them and show that I am no more weaker. I need inspirational stories and experiences from my friends who have come up and showed in front of in-laws that they can't be treated so easily and so badly in life. I really need advices from all women who has emerged so strong and showed that they can live as a powerful woman.
     
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  2. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    Hey cool down...


    U have come out right they y u r unnecessarily thinking about them ? Just start to enjoy ur life...start for baby love concentrate on ur self ur career Health developing ur skills ...b happy... silence is better than arugunent fight and all..after 1 or 2 yrs everything will fall into the right place.
     
    Sweety82 likes this.
  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP,
    You don't have to prove anyone anything. You have already started living away from Ils. Focus on your life and move on. Time heals many things

    Here is a real life story of my friend in India. My friend had a bad time at her dh house because of the control freak PILs. They verbally abusabused her, turned dh against her. Her name was spoiled by PILs. They turned every one including dhs relatives against her for standing for her rights. Even the relationship between pils and her parents were spoiled. She continued with good spirits and carried on with her duties well even when they were treating her bad.

    Finally, after three years of marriage, they bought a house a few km away from pils home and moved away from pils. In the first few years, it was not smooth. But she continued treat them well whenever she visited them or she visited them. She gave all respect as they are husbands parents and relatives. She forgive them but never forgot what they did. Whenever pils where in need of anything she helped them without staying in their house. Same way she treated other relatives also well and attended all family functions well. Her job and financial independence helped her a lot.

    Time heals and distance helps relationships. That is what happened. Now all the confusion pils created gone away. All relatives love and respect her. They like her company. Now she have reasonably good relation with pils. They even take care her ds well. They babysit kids when both of them are away for work,job or anything.. Now they are all leading peaceful and happy life.

    I think the key is keep doing your duty as much as you can and still maintaining a respectable distance with in-laws. She treat them well because they are her husband's parents. It also made her husband respect her more. She didn't try to prove anyone anything but continued to do what gives her happiness with enough patience, maturity and rational thinking.

    Don't worry OP, everything will be ok .. give some time..even if you don't like some one, treat them as a guest if they visit your home. Don't consider them as enemy's. Be very positive. They are your dhs parents. Once you gain confidence maintain a respectable distance relationship with them.That will give peace to everyone.. but it can wait.

    Now focus on your life with dh and enjoy this time without tensions. Build a strong relationship with him and think about your own family , your own team. Every thing will fall in place. Try not to live in past by bringing old issues . Also don't complain to dh about pils. Look forward , live in the present.
    Be positive and strong. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2017
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  4. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Op,
    Just keep reminding yourself that what you did was right for that situation. You took a strong decision.. now dont become weak on knees..
    If u need inspirational stories, my co-sis left house and living with her H. We dont know if they are happy cuz inlaws kind of built a barrier filling all wrong things abt her into my H head. I was neutral abt co-sis.. but now if i get to talk to her, i will surely take her side cuz i know abt my inlaws now. Co-sis kind of isolated herself and bil doesnt talk abt her to any of us. She is not invited to any family events. Bil is invited, so he comes if needed. Relatives ask abt her out of curiosity and they get one line answers.

    But, i am not given same amt of respect and privacy as my co-sis. I am kind of taken for granted and my parents were bashed left and right for smallest of things. So, i had to take similar route of co-sis and i am at soo much of peace.
     
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  5. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for ur valuable advice. :) I have remained silent all over these years. I don't how I have remained like this. May be because of fear or may be due to dislike. But in-laws are in-laws . Some exceptions are also there. Those dils are lucky I feel :)
     
  6. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for your wonderful words. I felt energetic after reading all inspirational stories. The thing is even if I maintain distance they will come into that space. They know very well that it embarrass me a lot but they don't care. I have to land in a good career path and that's my next plan. Hope that change will bring some positivity in life. :)
     
  7. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey yogirl I am sailing in the same boat as urs. Nobody even considered me as a human being in my family. My SIL is hysteric but taking that I could not bear my self respect getting damaged every time. That pain is really high. Even Iam not called for any event in my in-laws family because I am not considered as a human being to respect for but just as a maid. So I decided to stay away to keep up my self value. Praying for a change :) .
     

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