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In-Laws or Out laws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mathangikkumar, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. Vasupradha

    Vasupradha Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Satchi akka,
    Wow......wonderful:thumbsup.....really....If the DILS feelings are acknowledged by ppl of previous generation like you, then we DILS will be having two mothers to enjoy our life after marriage...:)....

    For the first time, I am using this words.....and I use it rarely,..at times when needed most.....Yes, satchi akka," HATTS OFF "to your views.:bowdown.....My prayers for you to live long, healthily and guide us here, in IL, always.....like you do now.:cheers.....

    Vasu..:).......
     
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  2. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies.. Satchi.. e-indian.. cutie monster..smriti.. and all others ... read all your FBs and:clap:clap:bowdown:bowdown

    Dear Manthangi Mam..
    whilst I read through your "opinions" about todays wicked DILs and their injustice to their in-laws..and your solution that husbands need to WHACK their wives if they don't fall in line I was like:eek:mg::notthatway::idontgetit::bonk:rant:spin
    Mam you are an elderly person and you could've written a post on how peace can be maintained between DILs and In-laws.. you could've given solutions which will help so many young girls to cope with the nitty gritty of joint family.. you could've shared the tremendous sacrifices you and your in-laws made so that cordial relationship was maintained in your household.. instead you chose to publicly flog the current day DILs universally.. agreed that there are several monster DILs who do cause havoc in their inaws homes but to generalise that all are like this and make such insinuations is definitely not in keeping of your age.. please do refrain from such lofty offensive fictional posts..
    K
     
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  3. Maggie2009

    Maggie2009 Gold IL'ite

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    i may be on topic..or crazily off topic but how many of you have seen those visu's movies of the 80s?
    a lot of stereotyping at work..MILS can either be devilish foaming at the mouth crazies or sad,undernourished women who dab their eyes with their saree ends ever so often. DILs can be the all smiling, all knowing, troubleshooter that sacrifices more and more and again dabs-eyes-with-saree-ends. or, the witch that wears sleevless blouses, lipstick (red), and deprives in-laws of food, accuses them of theft, has eyes on the family property, ill-treats baby sil,etc. this one definitely gets a WHACK oops sorry i meant huge slap towards the end of the movie and then mends her ways. none of these movies showed the girl's parents suffering in old age all alone. anyway,both these images are grossly exaggerated and may or may not exist in a vast majority. Now, my 2 cents:
    1) both sets of parents need to be cared for in old-age and sickness.no two ways about it.
    2) look around you. earnings have multiplied like crazy and not many people eye the family property with such
    a lascivious eye as expressed.
    3) the vitues in living under the same roof as the ILs is over-rated.is it better to live together and despise one
    another or living respectably away and maintain cordiality at all times?
    4) "live and let live" is such a simple maxim. but, it never will work if one side tries to seize power and make the
    other side sweat it out for even the most basic of things.
     
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  4. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    golden words!!! My pils doesnt come even a bit near to this maturity and goodness of heart. which they never going to achieve in this life too. blind souls!!!
     
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  5. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    another thing is that GENERALLY nobody is really evil.. nobody enters a marriage with the idea of "breaking the home"... "stealing the son/ daughter".. "making the in-laws as out -laws".. here I'm speaking about the bride & grooms.. now I know the Indian Male ego never wishes to consider the wives family as their own but their are plenty of exceptions who do eg: my DH / my dad and many of my cousins and friends..everybody wants to adopt a second family through marriage unfortunately the "second" family is not ready to accept this person in their fold... then starts the episodes of frustration.. dis satisfaction.. leading to emotional and physical abuse in extreme cases.. just as the partners are responsible for each other's welfare and that of their parents..their are also responsible to ensure that their spouse is accepted with respect in the family.. the balance lies in OUR hands..
    just as its not possible for a man to desert his parents in their times of need so is it for the woman.. this has to be imparted to todays son's from their teens onwards..
    in households where the mother is given as much respect as the father by the grandparents/ relatives those men/ women will grow up to respect their spouse and their relationship with their parents..
    today we are at 21st century.. we talk about equality and yet we have this kind of disparity which is unethical .. UN - GODLY (if thats a word)..
    IN-LAWS (DIL/ SIL/MIL/FIL etc etc) will remain OUT LAWS till this disparity.. insecurity.. inequality..insanity continues.
    Dear OP mam
    many of us have suffered under the hands of "devil" MILs but am sure that most of us have decency yet left intact and are very human at heart.. infact its because of this quality our DH have stood by us and not whacked us when we at times voiced our dissent.. however inspite of all this incase of emergency.. tragedy.. sadness its women like me who have stood like pillars next to my MIL taking on all the burden.. though she would've been most happy to throw me out of her house I would never do that to her!!! because thats the difference between me and her!!!..so please refrain from posting such aggressive generalised threads.. it hurts and also brings back negativity..
    K
     
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  6. Sridevi

    Sridevi Bronze IL'ite

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    The problem is since for a MIL, the DIL is not the same as her daughter. Even in my own case, during the early days of my marriage, though I had a joint family, my MIL refused to take care of my DS and I had to drop him with a babysitter and pick him up when I returned from office, - effectively, I had the disadvantages of a joint family but no advantages from it which normally people used to presume...
     
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  7. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Madam,

    I am back again as some of the statements you made sounded quite biased to DH's parents and DIL and her parents are sidelined. Here are my replies to some of them and I also have questions to them. I will be glad if you answer.

    1. When a DIL is expected to accept her DH's mother (the one who gave DIL the DH) then why a DH is asked to keep distance from DIL's parents? Is he not supposed to accept them? Or do the DH's parents should have the privilege to be with their son and DIL is supposed to send her parents to old age home and forget them? She has no right to meet her parents or be with them unlike her DH?

    2. You are talking abt selfish DILs but what abt selfish MILs? What abt those MILs who expect that DIL gives her whole salary to them every month? And that DIL should buy and wear only what the MIL approves? What abt those MILs who demand for gifts from DIL and her parents? And that also they are so specific abt what they want in gift? Are not those MILs selfish as they are only concerned abt getting things for themselves?

    There are MILs who anticipate their DILs/DIL's parents should gift them gold jewellery and the same DIL is told not to buy anything for her parents and family. What will you call such MILs?

    3. What experience are you talking abt for those DILs who have no brothers? Do you know the experience of feeling that your (DIL's) parents are alone and DIL has to treat them as secondary as the MIL is the primary responsibility of such DIL? Let me tell you, most of the MILs are insecure that their DS will give importance to his wife and his family. And many of them can't digest this fact that the DIL has no brother and they are insecure abt DIL's interaction with her parents. I am really surprised at the narrow mindedness shown here. Being a mother a MIL expects her son to see her, take care of her and be with her, but the DIL being a daughter is not supposed to even see her parents properly. How can a mother (MIL) be so mean that she can't see the pain and aloofness of another?

    That's why old age homes are found on search engine as many MILs expect their DILs to send her parents to old age home and forget them and make MIL as the so called GODMOTHER of her life! This just shows how low one can be as person!
     
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  8. GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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  9. snm1984

    snm1984 Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly where is Mathangi mam?This is a forum where everyone is free to express their own thoughts irrespective of whether it is right or wrong.She is free to say her thoughts,but when she posts something based on"happenings around her in closed quarters" she should have substantial points to tell whether she supports it or not.Well I guess she doesn't have,so do all mil's like her.They claim to to be powerful,to be in control of everything and be respectful of them because of their age and experience,but in facts they are just cowards inside.That's why they need to keep their sons in "close quarters" to them because they are not confident of what they are propagating themselves.
    I am sorry if I offended OP or any others,but I am tired of seeing people like her with narrow minded thoughts.They are also "women" right?Then they should be able to relate to dil's plight and learn from past mistakes.I hope at least we dil's don't become like them in future and change society's expectations of women.
     
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  10. foxybeat

    foxybeat Platinum IL'ite

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    I think the OP did not get the expected fb and has vanished. I have also seen her vanishing on another thread where she speaks about teachers and their dressing sense.

     
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