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In-Laws or Out laws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mathangikkumar, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    not everyone who posts here is living in usa and the view posted here are more about the change in the society, the parents of the girls have guts and give freedom to their daughters to live their lives but somehow parents who have sons never seem to be able to get out of the traditional setup where they have a upper hand!
    about we being better in laws, well only time will tell. there are lot of so called highly educated women , who have travelled around the world and may be living in usa or anywhere but the moment their son's get married they turn into typical traditional mil!

    especially im amused by your last line , " will interfere when they something is not right" , if you ask any mil who does not get along with dil , most cases will say i had to interfere as my dil was not taking care of my baby boy, not cooking good food, making me work and help in house work when the poor guy had worked hard all day in office and what not where the mom felt dil was torturing her son and mom had to interfere!
     
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  2. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't know about others, but I find the OP a highly offensive post.
     
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  3. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi mathangikkumar ji!

    I read your post and the reply by all the other posters also, somehow im surprised that after dropping a bom you did not bother to come and check the aftermath!
    we would like to hear your view !!!
    now about your post, with due respect i feel your post is highly offensive , not to the dil's but to the parents who have only daughters or even couples who are childless! You took so much pain to write such a long post about the troubles of the pil's whose sons choose to live away but what about the pains of parents who have only daughters ?
    has it ever occurred to you that in today's world when our parents spend equal money on educating the daughters like son and then getting them married off in a lavish way and innumerable gifts and ceremonies for their in laws , they dont have a right to have a emotional support from their daughter , forget about financial!
    there are enough examples around us , somehow you choose to close eyes to those where dil are tortured by SELFISH PIL'S !

    your this quote "I found out this is a case where the DIL do not have a brother in the house, more of sisters and there is no chance of having a brother's wife to see how her mother is treated by her brother's wife..Experience is the best teacher."

    it is the most offensive quote i have come across in IL , the same way i tell you the parents who just have son can never understand what is the pain of seeing your daughter suffer in the name of tradition!

    MAM , CAN YOU ANSWER WHY WILL THE PARENTS OF GIRLS BE ALWAYS TREATED AS SECOND GRADE ???? JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE SON NO ONE GIVES YOU RIGHT TO RIDICULE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ONLY DAUGHTERS!!

    In your post there is a lot of mentioning about property and money, i had posted earlier also to one poster who said that her in laws dont behave properly even after her parents gave lot of dowry and even now give lots of gifts as cash , in that case i said money cant buy respect and love and to you also i would say if you expect respect from your dil only because you have lot of property and gold , you will never get it!
    respect and love is earned by each and everyone, be it dil or pil's!

    About your question, again quoting from your post" what would happen to people of my generation who have one son and one daughter or two daughters, two sons or one daughter/ son? Where to go?

    For the people of your generation it becomes even more important to learn and remember that sons are not your retirement plan, you cant just love your son and shun your dil. you need to accept and love your dil and give freedom to your son and dil and not tie and choke them with your expectations!
    many parents these days have good relationship with their dil as they know love and respect are reciprocal. I am yet to find a pil who behaved nicely but were shunned by dil. usually there is some hidden truth , their extra concern and love for their son leads to problems in the family!

    you have cleverly tried to include two daughters only in one of your quote , as you are seeing it as recent trend , what did the parents of two daughters or for that matter many daughter also did in past? were they loving taken by the pil's of their daughters? NO!
    parents with only daughters had to face a lot in society , thankfully we are seeing new breed of young women who have courage to take care of their parents in time of need and we have a small no of sensible men also who dont think that wife's parents are not human.
    It is because of the thinking of people like you that we have female foeticide in our society , everyone wants a son who can take care of them!

    your quote again " one thing is clear by maintaining silence the son / s are also equally responsible for it, and share the sin."
    YES BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SINS WHICH A HUSBAND COMMITS WHEN HE HAS NO GUTS TO STAND BY AND CARE FOR HIS WIFE WHEN HE MADE ALL THOSE PROMISES IN FRONT OF GOD AND SOCIETY?

    and about your WHACK WHERE EVER NECESSARY, i think it would be better not to comment on it ! you know what you meant very well.
     
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  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friends,

    I do not want to post my opinions to OP's post. All I would like to say is that while we always see posts from dils and read about their travails, let us just treat this post as what it is - an mil venting on the forum. So my suggestion would be not to take this post personally, just take it for what it is - a post from a venting mil.

    Having said which, I would also like to reiterate that no generalization works in any situation either way. Neither are all mils devils nor are all dils devils. It is a very individual equation and what we normally get to see on these forums is one side of the story.

    So just as we have venting dils, wives, husbands, this is a venting mil.
     
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  5. revathysankar

    revathysankar Silver IL'ite

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    HI,
    I am 24 and we are in join fmly only with my DH parents ,Grand parents. Brother..
    Join family has cme 2 extinct becoz we want 2 decide and live as we like..
    In join family we cant enjoy tat have 2 ask permission from elders they wont accept lot of controversies..

    Join family now has more minus than plus since IL want everything under their ctrl not able 2 give the authorithy to take care of house things..

    Only thing in join family we lost more privacy and our own wishes..
    But we have many people around us 2 join and celebrate function..

    Simple if MIL R DIL feels tat this other daughter and another mom there is no need 4 old age hme..

    I am enjoying as well as feels disappont wen I see my friends..
     
  6. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    yeah satchi ! you are right!
    may be this is the post we all were missing when we discussed in this post http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/65174-how-does-mil-feel-abt.html that why we dont see any mil venting about dil on IL. Seems like techie mil's have finally arrived !
     
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  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Mathangi,

    Though I did not want to comment on this thread, I feel it would be wrong if I kept quiet about certain points that I feel need to be made.

    It is very essential that we as the older generation of today learn to treat youngsters with the respect they deserve. Respect begets respect and love begets love. Respect without love is not respect, it is fear and resentment.
     
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  8. whiteorchid

    whiteorchid Bronze IL'ite

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    yes op, in laws are like out laws only as they wreck and create trouble in their son n dil's life. just like out laws disturbed the peace of the city in laws take happiness in disturbing the peace of their dil's life.
    i wish their were stricter rules to WHACK in laws and people like you who preach this non sense.
     
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  9. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a very very very subjective statement. If you are going to assess someone else's right and wrong from your perspective, then it wont change things at all. It will be a same story all over again.

    How I will not be evil to my son and DIL??
    Ans - I will ask my son and make him independent enough to take his own decisions. His life, his decision. Simple. If he chooses to let his wife decide, I am no one to question it.
     
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  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Talking of stepping in when the "children" are doing something that is not right, it really depends on what it is that they are doing. There are three separate points here.

    Why would the children do something that is blatantly wrong if the parents had stepped in when the "children" were really children i.e. during their formative years? If the parents had been such good, loving, caring parents at that time, the youngsters would be good, responsible people by the time they got married and they would not be so foolish that it needed elders to step in to correct them.

    If it is a question of advising them in major life decisions, then it would be better to let them come to the parents for advice than intruding on one's own and trying to ram one's opinions down their throats. If parents followed this simple philosophy, I am sure the sons/daughters/sils/dils would surely come to them for advice on their own. They would respect, love and adore the elders for their wisdom and care. It is when advice is forced on them that they tend to rebel and brush the elders aside.

    There are also instances where the dils parents suggest something and the man and his parents resent that. Why? Are her parents stupid? Do they not have the daughter's and sil's interests at heart? Did they not bring the dil up just the same as the man's parents brought up their son? Do they not have enough experience and wisdom in life to make correct judgments and to give suggestions?
     
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