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In-Laws or Out laws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mathangikkumar, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    This sentence alone is capable of bringing tears.. Thanks a lot ma'am for being so understanding. Your words are really true..
     
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  2. ToTheLight

    ToTheLight Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Madam,

    Our forefathers also faced these issues and they have written a solution in out scripture. The thing we people are very much attached to so call material comfort of life and simply ignore the way defined by our fore fathers.
    According to the Hindu scripture( Most renowned Geeta Bhagwan Krishana has explained them) there are four stages a person should follow.
    1) brahmacharyashram,
    2) grihasthashram,
    3) vanaprasthashram
    4) sannyasashram.

    In modern term we can say that In Brahmacharyashram have to devote our life in pursuance of knowledge . In grihasthashram we need to enjoy the family life.. Do our duties and responsibility and enjoy fruits of life. In vanaprasthashram we can say we have to get more spiritual and be less interfering in day to day activates... Try to find inner peace. Try to give the control to the next generation and move on in life.
    And during the last stage is sannyasashram. In modern terms we can say people should be detached and be immerse them self in devlotions (it need not be only to God but it can be social work, Hobby) any thing where you are least bothered by others and others are not bothered by you...

    Now coming back to latest old generation I somehow think they are more interested in micromanagement. They have less to do with their own spirituality and more todo with the aggression , fault finding towards DIL... So before pointing fingers at your DIL and lecturing them about the traditions and culture one should pause and think about this.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2012
  3. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Your observations might be true in certain cases ma'm..

    However,whatever I have learnt from my marital experiences leave me with certain questions:-

    1.Inlaws have nowhere to go..OK.. This generation is being blamed for not allowing them to stay together. Well,the previous generation i.e. parents and inlaws were better?Did they prove to be otherwise?
    I have my own doubts.
    In my case,MIL wants to stay with us. MIL's MIL i.e. grandma of DH is still alive and is staying in village.In all these years I haven't even seen my MIL even going once to meet her..
    Their generation was better..Ahem..
    And I am supposed to take care of everything..Seems unfair to me..

    2.If one demands a fair game,one SHOULD PLAY A FAIR GAME.. How come rules are different for DIL and Darling Daughter? Daughter is applauded and appreciated for turning her in laws out.Her in laws are the worst and she has all the rights(but no duties) over brother's life and wife!!
    Well,I am an intelligent female with eyes and ears too!! I learn my own lessons..

    3.When a wife leaves her family and house for a man,why can't he? Ok,if he can't leave,atleast the wife's parents and siblings should enjoy the same authority and access to their daughter's home as much as the husband's.. Why do my parents have to bring a lot of gifts for everyone in DH's family whereas his family only knows how to accept gifts (and that too with sarcasm and taunts)??
    I would like to ask here,parents of how many ladies are as confident and accepted in a wife's house as her inlaws are?Or how many enjoy the same authority(in daily affairs and decision making too) alike the boy's parents?

    Why would a wife then treat her inlaws equal when her own parents are considered substandard citizens in her own house?

    4.If my PIL/MIL/SIL demand something from me(money,love,respect,care etc),they should give the same to their ILs also..
    All authority and no responsibility/ All takes and no gives make Jill a bad boy..

    My point is-Demand equality in care, concern, respect and money if you yourself treat others equal..When my MIL prefers and loves her daughter more then me,why am I blamed for being partial??
     
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  4. shobana sridhar

    shobana sridhar Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Kamala
    What you have written is nothing but truth .When time passes on the pain becomes dumb. The only thing we want is patience.Sure i lacked enough patience to bear the pain those days but could continue with enough to carry on.If there had been one or two things we can sit and brood about it. If it is a continuous flow who had the time to sit and cry? That was the time i started ignoring which made things easier for me.One thing i have learnt is that once you go for something vehemently it goes farther away from you. If you leave it it comes back to you.So i have learned not to give any importance to what people talk about me. But neither my husband nor I give up when it comes to our son.
     
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  5. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Excellent post, Tothelight. The original protocol was fair to everyone and treated everyone equally. Down the generations, people distorted it suit their own whims and fancies. The fact is people just don't want to give up. They want to rule over their sons and dils as long as they live. Where is the concept of moving away from the material world and immersing oneself in the spirituality in the old age gone? The older generation compares the dils of today's age to the dils of theirs. why don't they compare the mils of yesteryear to themselves?

    My GM dedicated her life to God. She spent almost all her waking time in prayers. She would get up before everyone else and started praying very early in the morning so that nobody disturbed her. After praying, she would eat her breakfast and then rest, so no interference in what the dils were doing. Today's MILs pray just for the sake of ritual. While one eye is on the scripture, the other is on the dil observing what she is doing, so that she could gossip about it later. Once this superficial daily ritual is over, she spends all day gossiping about dil, watching saas bahu serials, getting tips on how to torture the dil and interfere in everything.
     
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