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In Laws Nagging Me To Travel And Stay In Native.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Earlier we were in nuclear family, and in laws lived in a different city, I.e their native place...but in recent times they’re spending more time here with me, H and toddler...they travel to their native place often and travel to other tourist and temple towns too with family and friends...I m used to the fact that they’re here with us most of the time...the time when they’re out of town I too get little freedom and privacy and chill out in my own way..I’m not working now...
    Thing is, they keep pestering us to travel to their native place which is a different city...we anyways have travelled there once or twice a year for major festival or function as many relatives are settled there...typically each visit would last some days to a week.

    But now they’re nagging us to stay with them for many days at their native...
    I don’t like this ..
    First of all, I feel we were living abroad, then we would have owed a visit to native to be with in laws... but, we are in India only, and in laws are also in India...but when they are anyways living with us for maximum part of the year, then what I should be the point of us also staying there for long duration in native?
    They can relax there, and then come back to stay with us right..

    Also all the times we went there, I found travel uncomfortable as it would require close to 9 hours journey by road and train..and going with toddler and lot of luggage is so tough...
    Also they’re not able to take much efforts to make us comfortable with respect to stay, not having proper accommodation or providing guest room in their home, and it’s tough to share room with in-laws so it becomes crowded...in that area no proper maids are there, so tough to manage chores and cooking there...last time we visited for a function they tried arranging a maid for cleaning work during our stay but she didn’t turn up and it was very tough for me as I d to wash utensils and do some chores there also....as in laws are old they can only do limited things, also...the severe and extreme weather climate conditions in native makes me unwell and sick every time...I just can’t afford to be unwell these days, as I don’t have the luxury of taking rest when I’m sick....as many from family circle have their base in native, ILs have their own issues there like their health and physical weakness, lot of relatives visiting, unwell relatives, elder relatives who need courtesy visits, personal work, personal commitment, medical checkup’s etc...so I rarely get a chance to relax or do any sightseeing or shopping or enjoy there..
    They don’t have Internet connection there, mobile data and dongles I don’t get proper signal..
    And cable connection no proper channels...so no outlet or entertainment...

    I cannot understand why they keep pestering us to go there for long duration...when they find it tough to entertain...DH can’t stay for many days there, it’s me who has to face inconvenience...
    This is why I never look forward to going there unless it’s necessary like function etc...
    Again from past many months they’re nagging me and baby to visit there and stay one or two months..if i was working I’d have told them no leave, but I’m a home maker....
    I’d rather just have them staying here, and going on vacation with everyone together...atleast we can relax and enjoy at tourist place which won’t be possible in native...
    For them it’s prestige issue as relatives will keep asking ...
    Last time itself, some months back there was about function there...they asked me and toddler to stay for one month prior to function itself...but I shortened my visit to a few days..she sulked and became upset...
    I don’t think it’s with wrong intentions ...but I’m getting irritated with the thought of visiting again..
    Anyone faced this situation, how can I deal with frequent pestering by in laws?
    Without offending them?
     
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  2. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Lying that you got periods?... cant believe this is the only advice I have got.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    That combination (dealing with pestering in laws without offending them) is not achievable or sustainable. Why spend energy on it. Instead, see how to avoid the visits with minimal permanent unpleasantness. Sulky faces for 2-3 days and some comments in the weeks after is something you can live with.
     
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Haha..that would hold good only if there is some major Pooja or Homa to attend...maybe for major festival ...not for routine travels and routine visit....besides it's only 3 days in a month that I cant enter pooja room. They're not super conservative to keep me out of kitchen at that time unless there is a major religious occasion.
     
  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Yes this combination is tough to achieve! Doing something we want, or not doing something we do not like , without offending others...that's why I posted here as someone may have smart suggestions that i haven't thought of till now...
     
  6. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi i have same situation with inlaws, and I know how you feel. Its very frustrating and illogical. Especially because I have no privacy at their house, it's really difficult.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I noticed that both girls with
    the situation, do not comment whether they had told their husbands about his parents' behavior and what a pain it is for both mother and toddler. If the husband is willing to shut them up, they would tuck their tails in and behave.
    @Needtobestrong:
    I also have the periods strategy, but a different one. After all, you need to be strong, no?: Tell your father in law (not MIL) that you need to have your husband in bed with you every day that you don't have a period; and the days are all the more enjoyable when they are not home. And advice him to be with his wife and enjoy the privacy at home in his native. Perhaps that would shut them up, and you may scoot back home with your husband.

    It is no crime to let them know you are all hots for your husband.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
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  8. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    Husband and I both are in same state of mind , we ultimately cant deal with the complaints so we go. But this time, they did not respect my privacy at all , and husband has made clear from now on they should visit us and not the other way around. I hope we are truly able to execute it. Only time will tell. He doesn't force me to go -its always mutual decision because they keep telling us to visit for sake of their neighbours .
     
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  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    :smile::smilingimp::fearscream: :tearsofjoy::p:D
    Can imagine their reaction if their sweet, quiet, soft spoken, Sanskaari , DIL told them upfront that she has the hots for their son!! Hehe..
    Wish there was a slightly subtle way by which they can be made to understand this...MIL and FIL also have stayed in a nuclear family for many years , so they had adequate privacy for everything...maybe I can make a subtle mention of " young couple at this age needs to spend personal time together " ( I consider married couple below 40 years as young only)...hope they get the message .:grimacing:
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Dearie,
    If your husband is cooperating, use him as a leg-pillow every day of the month. You are entitled to it.
    Even if the oldies peek, don't pay any attention. Let them peek, and feel ashamed. That is the subtle way to make them understand you need to be with your bed accessories.
     
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