In laws issue in India and no relatives in USA...where to get settle????

gaurimahajan · Dec 15, 2014

Hi,
My situation is a bit complex and I need some advice on returning to india.
I am in US for last 6 yrs with husband and 2 kids (1,5) but as don't have any relatives in US so we feel lonely here.

My in-laws are divorcee and don't stay with each other and there is none to take care of them as my husband is only son. I can't stay with in-laws as we don't go along well. Its impossible to stay with in-laws. Though we will go back we have to stay in same city but different homes. My husband then need to look after three different places (MIL, FIL and me). My MIL doesn't talk with me so me or kids will not go to meet her.
Because of in-laws issue we wanted to stay here in US but we don't have any relatives here and no one can visit us from india. So looking at future, we will be lonely here.

But my side of family is good and I miss mybrother and sister very much who are in India.
I want to go back but worried about issues due to my in-laws. I am very frustrated and looking for someadvice to stay in US or go back to India.
What will be better for kids in this situation?

Thanks,
Gauri

raji2678 · Dec 15, 2014

Stay in US, but make frequent trips to India

Anamika99 · Dec 16, 2014

I think US is better over all, even for kids in terms of education.

Understand your loneliness but what about indin friends..eventually the rleaitonships grow like family....

Join a couple of groups like hiking, music or whatever entire family develops interest towards... will get you more friends.

Even joining RSS, or Chinmya mission kind of religious group pertaining to your religion give kids flavor of india and u some company

satchitananda · Dec 16, 2014

As an outsider reading your situation and looking objectively at your question, I have (as usual ) some options to suggest. Which one suits you is upto you to consider.

1. Yes, it is lonely abroad without relatives. (What do you do with them, what do you do without them!) Make a concerted effort to find happiness and contentment in each other's company. Try to make more friends with families - local as well as Indian - around you and develop a mutual support system.

2. If that is not your cup of tea, come back to India. Stay in a city which is separate from your ILs as well as your parents' and visit them whenever you feel like. Let him visit his family and you visit your's, if you don't want to visit your ILs.

3. Do your parents and pils live in the same city? If that is the case, you could live separately in the city and do the same as in 2.

saps105 · Dec 16, 2014

I understand how lonely you feel when there are no relatives around in another country. Coming back to India will give you a sense of belonging. As Satchi has suggested 2nd option is good one. That way you can visit as and when you want to and yet maintain a distance. Staying in the same city will make you feel obligated to be there all the time.

If you settle in a nearby city which is neither near nor far, will give you freedom too. Being abroad you cant visit that often.

gaurimahajan · Dec 16, 2014

Thanks Raji, Anamika,satchi, saps105. You gals really read my mind.

1. Here in USA I tried to make friends around in last 6 years. But now I notice that even friends move to other places after some time. (Though they have their own house)
Few of my friends have there own relatives which makes me more lonely and feel to miss my own family
2. Me and my husband tried to convince my in-laws to move to different city , FIL is ready to move but MIL wants to stay in the same city where we wants to live. And she is emotionally blackmailing my husband. She says that she will not interfere but we know for sure that she will create problems as we had few experiences before.
3. My parents, brother and sister lives in a different cities so no any issues about them.

I am really worried about my kids. I want to grow them in a family environment (which I can do only in India from my side) and in a safe advanced place( in USA only).
I know I have to sacrifice one thing here but confused about which one ????

Iamagoodgirl · Dec 16, 2014

If you H agree to live separately from inlaw in same city then go for india.Inlaws can still annoy you but you can have limited contacts with them since you are not living under same roof.