In Laws Entering Your Room

I may sound harsh but this is what practically happened in my life, my hubby being the only Son I had no option but to stay with my in laws till the end of their lives, I lived with them for nearly 19 years until my MIL passed away, believe me even in my 19th anniversary I felt like unpaid maid in that house ( the word Guest seems more honorable) the only liberty I had in making decisions is with regard to my daughter, I was not included in any family discussions because they thought I was to dump or incapable, hubby was highly influenced by his two older intelligent sisters who were ruling our home even though they lived in differed states. Every day was a night mare, silent treatment, cold wars, frequent arguments between me and hubby, putting me down in front of all the relatives, were part of my daily life, the only privacy I had is in my 10/10 room which was luckily in the first floor and she wouldn't climb up because of her arthritis problem, how I use to long to re doing our home, I wanted to change the furniture, bring in small changes but never was permitted to do so... hubby never went against his parents.

Fast forward today, after MIL passed away, Fil followed her in 3 years, their home became ours, we totally renovated the house , I brought in so much of greenery in to house, gave it a new look according to my taste, this is the privacy I wanted and I am enjoying it now.

Dear OP and all my friends who are still dreaming of privacy, please don't wait like me, be strong go ahead with your decision of making your own home but close to your in laws place so you will be always available if they need help, convince your DH ( I failed to do so ) be polite yet stern, after all we have one life and cannot afford to waste it.

 

This is true. But time changes. We are of different generation which DH can never understand. They don’t think according to this current generation but want us to go for a job earn money and sponsor and come home and slog there too!!

I was also thinking same. True MIL will be only MIL nothing more that and so is DIL

 

Dear Op,

I have a suggestion related to your problem.

Before marriage didn't ur parents visited your room? If yes how you used to react?

I would suggest before jumping into some conclusion and souring relationship try to think in that way.

Now try the other way if your MIL wants to show her power try to use these steps :

1. If u & MIL share same bed (double bed) just start throwing ur legs and hands as playing football on her (try not to hurt her), pretend as if u r in deep sleep and dreaming. Even if they wake u up just continue this policy after 10 - 15 minutes.
2. U can switch the AC to 16 / 17 degrees saying u r feeling hot. Keep it going till they move out. We use this technique.
3. Snoring loudly and talking loudly as if dreaming - My dad and uncle did this.
4. Start a conversation with ur in-laws or MIL when they feel most tired and ready to sleep.

I will say try to make the relationship bit spicy instead of argument and cold war.

Best regards
Disha

 

U have to speak up ..if she cleans your room go and clean hers .just say u must be tired cleaning mine so I will cleaned yours..
If she comes in your room to sleep in noon just go n sleep in the living room couch it’s your house too don’t feel u r doing wrong..once u back answer politely they will get it ..don’t let them run over u all the time..
When we would visit them my mil would enter that way even though I always knock the door before I go in her room so she learned it too that she has to knock....I never touch her cupboard if I need I ask her ..so she does not too ..so when your mil does not get this concept u do what she does ..
I don’t feel wrong if they come in the room but I want mil to treat right we will treat them as our own mother too...

 

Such a good idea !!.

 

I am 64 years old and therefore take this opinion with a pinch of salt. Once a room is assigned to the couple in a joint-family, it is their room and everyone else need to knock the door, if they need to enter for some reason day or night. That is how important privacy is for a woman who marries someone and moves away from her family to live with her husband.

Whether the h is the only son or second son or third son, it doesn't matter. When I got married to my wife (who is the only child for her parents) in 1983, we lived for a brief period of time with my parents. When the restrictions such as how many times her parents can visit her in a month, what time she needs to wake up early morning, head shower everyday, how wet clothes need to be put in the wire with a stick, when she could cook but only under supervision of my mother, etc. were enforced, it didn't take much time for her to share it with me. We moved within 6 months to a rented house. My father was excited to see us happy in that small house and he used to come every Sunday to have lunch with us and watch his favorite program in the color TV at home.

Many MILs consider the daughter in law as a threat to her authority and it is hard to convince her otherwise, unless she has the best interest of her son in mind.

 

Indeed you are very understanding husband sir. Your wife is lucky and I mean it !

 

Yes he is so understanding ..I wish all men understand the same way as u do atleast some percent..