In-laws Don't Like Anything About Me

Please ignore her comments. Most MIL's behave that way. I would not pay attention to any such comments unless and until they go overboard.

Regarding cooking, if she cooks well, I would say, let her cook. That way, you get time to bond with your husband. If you want to cook something for yourselves or your husband, you do not probably need her permission. Its as much your house as it is hers. And regarding gifts, its probably better to give her money and let her buy something of her choice.

 

Hi,
Are you working?
i agree with Yogirl here. based on the setup you have unless you are very wise and start taking small steps slowly to conquer the kitchen it will always be like that. i know it is very hard to even enjoy the food when so much praise for your MIL and low bearing looks for us. MILS are too clever and they know how to act too. they act very nice in front of hubby and FIL. my MIL would show it like she has been trying to teach me but i never learnt and im headstrong and i dont care. as soon as i sit for dinner they will start off with comments like how a girl should learn to cook from young age otherwise they can never be able to cook like her. be smart with her and break the control. dont lose your confidence for anything.

 

First things first, stop pleasing your inlaws. The more you please them, the more they will expect yet not even acknowledge all your sincere efforts.
Secondly, if no entry in kitchen, enjoy the kitchen-free time. If hubby points out, say that you are lucky to have such a caring mil who doesnt let you enter the kitchen.
This way you will enjoy no work in kitchen plus brownie points with hubby as you praise his mom. It's a win-win situation.

Thirdly, never buy costly gifts for mil, never show any original bills either. If she doesn't like it, stop buying gifts for her. Simple.

 

I think she is insecure and worried that her position in the house will be threatened if you cook well. cooking is the only way she wields power in the house and hence she refuses to let go of the kitchen . I don't see her giving up so easily . Good luck !

 

Hi poi098,

Almost everyone face any of these issues you listed.. esp in south Indian wedding.. MIL will not allow you to cook if you expert in it, else pester you if you cook bad, just to make an impression that you are not doing anything perfect as her. So just make it to her way, if she does not allow you to cook, then just help her by cutting veggies and take a good rest. If she is very concerned about the silk thread, just take her with you and request her to take any good saree which she likes, tell her openly that you have not much experienced to buy saree and praise her extra, she will be happy for that. there is only one thing that you need to do, if her comment hurts try to modify your attitude towards it, else ignore her comments. Just be kind to her, whatever she does, dont show your face.

PS. I have experienced that same when I got newly married, so now, I will make sure not to repeat the same, and go with her views only to her. Tune your DH according to that.

I hope your wedding is arranged type.?

 

You're absolutely right Sandy. I have understood it and never asked her to make any recipe in my MIL's home, I will just help her, else stand beside her still and will enjoy that time by doing cheer dancing i.e, praises her cooking skills

 

OP, Do you like your ILs? Most of the time, its mutual.
It is more important to respect and get along with each other well.

Anyway, don't bother too much about their comments since your dressing sense is your personal choice.
Let them know its your choice, and not up for discussion.
Also, don't live like an outsider, but a family member, shouldering responsibility in the home.
Just ask MIL what you can do to help each and every day. Get DH's support.

If that does not work, you could also try to show that you are free from chores, and enjoying your time, while MIL is toiling away day and night. Stop caring completely about cooking. Chances are MIL will herself get you involved when you act nonchalant.

 

I've learned some tactics from you ladies here to use when I move in with my in laws this month. Im really dreading it though. Very nervous. My MIL is the boss in the house. No one else has the guts to stand up to her. Thank God I work, otherwise I don't know how I will live in that house. Wish me luck.

 

Uhmm something fishy for sure..
When she goes out for wedding, just prepare another curry after she leaves or eat out. I wonder what her reaction would be.
What do u do when you miss your mom's style food? Do u make it or forgo ur simple wish?