In-laws Don't Like Anything About Me

Congrats on your wedding ! Since you have to live with the in laws, develop a thick skin. Don't let the MIL comments affect your self confidence. The key is not expecting any appreciation for nice gifts or behavior and you will not be dissapointed. If she continues being hypercritical about the gifts, take a break and stop shopping for her. As for the kitchen issues, sit back and enjoy your MIL's cooking. If she thinks she is a better cook, praise her and enjoy the good food ( I would not mind that actually ) .

 

Your inlaws ( like most in laws) seem hard to please. Once you start cooking more, expect more comparisons and criticisms. I am sure you are a good cook, but they will never appreciate it . Is your FIL still madly in love with the MIL or is he just praising her to make you seem incompetent ?
Let the hubby know that MIL does not want you to cook. But not in a negative way. Hopefully the honeymoon phase will make your hubby more understanding . Basically everyone wants a clone of your perfect MIL, either try to be that or maintain your identity without offending anyone .
On a side note, you are newly married and try to enjoy this beautiful phase without all this negativity . Tarla dalal and her kitchen politics can wait !

 

Dear OP - congratulations on your wedding. It is your MIL who is not able to accept your presence. She has her way of cooking you have yours, period. You two are two different people which they have to understand and accept. Your H and FIL are just used to her way of cooking. They must be eating outside food, at restaurants, at relatives homes, etc. they cannot expect food like your MIL's cooking there. Next time when your H or FIL comment on you not cooking, tell them sweetly maybe your MIL likes cooking and does not let you cook. No need to bend back double to please them, are they trying to please you?

 

Your in laws sounds exactly like many traditional in laws out there. I have gone through the exact same thing and so has many other newly weds out there. So you are not alone.

This whole criticising is a power game, whatever you do, they will start pointing out that you are doing it wrong (even when you do it right) and make you develop self doubt. Then many many things adds on to this.

You need to understand that this game maybe never ending and the way to make your life peaceful is to understand their game and handle in smartly.

In terms of food, enjoy having one less chore on your list. Your hubby might be thinking that your mother is working more n u are not helping her. Explain to him that she is protecting her turf and you barging in is going to make her feel threatened and you don't want to do that. To your fil n others, say stuff like her experience is my age in kitchen, she's an amazing cook. N that you are learning or helping.

Regarding the gifts, is it possible to give cash instead? So she can get whatever she wants.

Praising any chance u get keeps you in the good books of everyone and your mil might feel less threatened by you. Also if they say you are wrong about something, say you are the elder, you teach me.

If you are going to be in a joint family forever, it's better you learn the tricks to please the in laws to make your life peaceful. Once you start this, they will start warming up to you, normally. N once you cross the initial years of struggle, it will become a lot better. You would know how to handle each one of them.

 

You should try and demonstrate before your DH and FIL that your MIL does not let you enter the kitchen/ cook anything. Do your DH or FIL ever enter the kitchen for something? If they do, that would be a great time to demonstrate to them that you are really trying to help / want to cook but your MIL does not want you to. Has she ever refused you in front of them ever? She seems really possessive about her kitchen and very nit picky in general or is she insecure and does not want to let go of her 'kitchen queen' position?

 

Hi poi098,

Congratulations and welcome to married life.

There is a proverb "Too many cooks spoil the dinner" - you can always tell the same to all whoever comments anything about your not cooking.

Kitchen issues: You can always approach MIL while she is in kitchen help her in like chopping veggies or cleaning the fruits, arranging plates & glasses be her helper why worrying so much. If there is any kind of insecurities or any kind of politics you will know in due course of time, its too early to jump into conclusions.

Mark my words she is the one who will be aging and one day she will get tired and hand over the work to you. Till then rather sit and enjoy your MIL cooked food.

Gifts issue: You can always sweetly tell her you treat her like your own mother so whatever you like to do for your mom you are doing for her also and will continue to do so even if she doesn't like it.

Don't spoil your image in front of your DH or In laws or relatives. Be cool and stay happy.

Best wishes

 

frankly speaking. i deal with one set of them. my inlaws are similiar. they have deep rooted insecurities and they think if they behave like that they can overcome you. very nice on the front. my mil made sure i never cook. i have to do all the stuff. she does only cooking part. all the credit to her and agonising looks to me saying what do you do all day when my mom is working so hard.finally ihad to verge out i never sit idle even for a min and im toiling equally. but they dont accept.
till today never let me go shopping. they say they are the best shoppers around
whatever i get is always unnecessary
please be smart and dont believe them. you slowly get into cooking. dont let her be there. tell your hubby secretly the next day you might want to surprise your MIL and give rest and you get up early then her and cook.

 

Seriously , why are you complainiing that u don't get to cook and she does all the cooking ? Please send her here as I would love to have someone cook for me . With a full time job , kids, errands and the never ending chores , it's a luxury to come home to hot piping food waiting for you . I can handle politics very well so most of the things don't bother me as long as I get good food !! If you really want to cook and take on more work , book a nice trip or vacation package for them for a weekend so they can take a vacation and you can cook alllll day.

Rest of the issues is the same age old problems that we all women face someway or the other . Idea is to give silent treatment and ignore .