In Laws commenting on my son

Like many posters said above, these are some of the very common things we get to hear about our kids. Now a days, they are part of my routine during talks and meets with inlaws. If they dont say anything, I will be very surprised ...take such comments with a pinch of salt and leave it at that...

 

We have to hear..I have to hear for my pregnancy too..I pick myself and eat..as I know nobody will tell me at in-lwas place to eat this and that..And when my husband asks me that why I have not taken milk today..my MIL says..Its not sure if food is going to her or baby..then why eat..let her eat what she wants to eat...Then she will tell my husband.We are giving so much to eat to her..then also she is not that active..I feel like giving her a slap when she is noticing what I am eating..But just listen and throw out of other ear..

 

Hey..RJMK

2.3 is pretty well..Please ignore their comments..doctors know very well what is good and bad..and believe me he will be far better than in some time..its bad to compare small kids..just talk to your son whenever they comment..

 

Hi RJMK,

Don't listen to all these foolish people. Only thing that matters is what the doctor says. These people have nothing better to do so they spend their time making foolish comments..........my MIL was commenting all the way from India without even seeing the child!! I felt very discouraged but my sons doctor however was very pleased with my sons growth.

 

I really respect you that u are atleast understanding that what they are commenting about your son is not right and they have no rights to give their expert comments. I hope my mother ever understood that and she let people comment on me and never did anything about it. And that people weren't her inlaws that she can't tell them anything but her own crap family and other random people. My suggestion to you is just ignore and don't give a damn to their crap comments. Right now your son is young so just ignore. But when your son start understanding language and at that time if they comment in front of him then don't let it happen and talk to them and tell them that pls don;t make such comments and I don't like u commenting on his body or making comparisons. But don't tell this in front of your son. Also when they comment anything in front of your son, like for eg: 'oh look at him, how slimmer he is compared to other boys" .... then u immidiately say, nooooooooooo, who says, but u don't know he is so strong and sharp and hold ur son and kiss him. Do it in front of them. That way ur son too won't feel bad about himself by anyone's comment. And always praise ur son in front of others and if he has some flaws, never never never even in front of ur close friends or maternal family disclose it.

I had similar experience in childhood. I was wheatish brown while my sister was very fair. And I know how people made comment and made me feel low of myself and intentionally praise my sister in front of me. Not that I was jealous of my sister but many relatives literally trying to create wedge between my sister and me by creating jealousy in my mind however they never succeeded in creating jealousy in my mind but many times gave superiority complex to my sis and my own sis words many times hurted me. And my dumb mom always let it happen and not a single time she took my side instead at times she told me people say what they observe.

when I was young, I was very very sensitive and innocent and my family's atmosphere was very bad, my parents had no sense of raising a children. I wasn't much chulbuli and chanchal and talkative as my sister, my younger sister always gets lots of attention from my parents and outsiders while I was always ignored. People come and comment like "oh look at your younger dd, how fair she is, then have a look at me and say, is she ur dd? my mom says yes, then they make face looking at me and say "but she doesn't look like u, ur younger dd is fair and beautiful like u, but sheee (with weird facial expression), I think she looks like her father (my father was dark skinned). My cousin brother's wife, she intentionally make comparison between me and my sister and tell - you both sister looks like combination of night and moon. Then she even went to extent of asking me "Don't u feel jealous of ur sister".

My brother was born when I was 15 and my sister was 13. When he born, my maternal grandmother gave sugar water cup in my sister's hand and say u put first drop of sugar water in his mouth so he become beautiful and fair like u. Then my mom took us to grandmother's home whr one lady came to meet her, at that time I was playing with my little brother and this lady I don't know why started telling me, don't play with him much let him sleep and she took him away from me and then started telling, don't be like this sister, be like this sister, fair and beautiful. I was so hurt, I looked at my mom and my mom understood I hurt but she smiled and then tried to pretend as if she just didn't heard wht that lady said. I complainted to her tht why u didn't said to tht aunty, but she pretend what what? But I knew she was pretending, so I fought with her but she was scolding me only and said people keep talking to how many we go to fight. I cried that, so much cried. My sister also many times showed she is supreior than me and hurt me because she too heard comments of other people. But now I came to know that she is nothing as much she showed off whole life and now I am really proud of myself. I really hate my mother and siblings and if in my hand and if someday I earn enough money and once if I get good husband and have life of my own then I feel never even talk to this people and just abandon them from my life.

Sorry I made it long telling my ramkahani, but this rant just came out reading urs. But don't be like my mom, as soon as ur son start understand language, if ever ever someone try to compare ur kid with other or make comment on his looks or anything, don't keep quite, stand up to them. Take ur son's side openly. Make ur son feel proud of hismself of whatever he is. Having experienced myself I know many times people's comments create complex within us. You should also try to read that book "I am ok, you are ok". Hope I helped. If possible helpme too - http://www.indusladies.com/forums/singles-world/153981-31st-dec-upcoming-but-no.html

 

RJMK,

I am glad you found some comfort from the words of other ladies here. you should obviously ignore such horrid comments about your child. Personally I think it is horrible that anyone can think of commenting a child and that too to the child's mother! I actually feel sad to think that this is some sort of common occurrence (what i gathered from other posts):rant. I don't have a kid yet and I didn't have to go through this crappy experience...don't know how i would react :spin

My parents used to be over protective of us. Forget about commenting...nobody can even address us as ra, vey etc (which is what my uncles used to do...of course out of love and affection only). But my dad never entertained even such liberties...he will be like "call them by name". same treatment for me and my bro. maybe this would have backfired on my dad and turned us all into spoilt brats who think too much of themselves :bonk.

my point is a kid should never be made to feel inferior. it will affect them in more ways than one. i cannot even imagine what goes on in the minds of people who comment on kids' complexion, height, weight etc.

 

Here is the answer.. they intention is not towards the kid.. Its on the mother.. They are using the Kid to comment on the mother due to which they are sure of hurting the mother..

Please Ignore them, if it goes beyond a limit and not able take it then best is to give back diplomatically/sarcastically as you ve already given them once...

 

RJMK, all our ILs have given good words of wisdom. I just want to tell you that have you heard the story of Father Son and the horse? That once a father, son and their pet horse were passing through a town. The child was sitting and the father was walikng. Passer by started commenting that elder person is walking and younger is sitting. Then, the son got down and father sat on the horse. When they had walked the distance, some people commented that younger is walking and father is sitting! Frustrated by the people's comment, the story says that the father and son lifted the horse and started walking. When they were over a bridge, some people laughed and said that humans are carrying horse on their heads. Hearing this, the two threw the horse into the river below.

Iam sure you must have known this story
The point I am saying that parents are always sensitive to their children. By not such people and their words, one can prevent throwing the baby in the water :cheers

Geetha