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In Laws commenting on my son

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by RJMK, Dec 15, 2011.

  1. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Hi to all my IL frens,

    Now a days I am getting a little worried for my son.He was pre-term baby and now he is around 14 months old.A little on the lower side but still very cute and a beautiful kid.
    Evryone in my Il family keeps saying Oh he is so small,thin etc..Now me n my H are also not very tall SO obviously the kid will take after his parents.But when they speak like that,I feel very bad.Sometimes I cry also.
    This time wehn I went to my in-laws house these are trhe comments I heard from them.

    MIL:Very tiny,not good.
    FIL:He is not fat unlike my elder grand child(born after 5 years to my BIL and is very dark but a full tem kid.One year elder to my son)
    SIL:He is so thin.You put on so may clothes to him.Give him something to eat.
    BIL: He looks fat in the video.Give him chocolate.This will make him fat.He is not speaking at all.My son started speaking when he was only 1.This is TRUE.He started so speaking early so thats not my problem.(I wanted to scratch his face that time)
    Co-sis:My son is the best.He is very sharp.
    H:When I complain he says all mean good and we argue over this.Forcing my son to eat chocolate(I have already warned him against that).

    The problem is my doc is very happy with my son's growth but these people dont seem to understand.I feel very bad and have cried sometime.I want to hide my son from these people's eyes.I wish all these people just suffer for making my heart bleed by their comments.And all this comes inspite of them knowing that I feel very very bad about this.

    ladies please help me here.
     
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  2. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    Dear RJMK,

    These are some of the common comments which we hear .....i have a 19 months old daughter for whom the people around us gave so many different comments. I was worried initially and took it to heart. But now i just keep my self calm and tell them that each child is unique and comparison is of no use. So the comments have actually reduced.

    Please dont cry and try not to complain to your DH...as you know the result of it ....
     
  3. kiranavvari

    kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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    Dear RJMK,

    Hugs to you!! these are very very common. I do hear all of them, but unfortunately, Doctor says my daughter is slightly on the higher side of the weight chart which means I should see that she don't gain much weight.. But InLaws always says she is so thin, blah blah blah.. she became so thin. They want to see my daughter just in size of small elephant I feel. I really get irritated when they suggest me to different diet habits, and especially when my SIL whose son is acutally lesser in weight (but 1.5 yrs elder to my daughter). Now I started to tell them I am more happy with her when she is thin (she didn't gain much weight last 1.5 yrs, and looks good now for her height), as she don't have any problem in playing etc, otherwise, initially with her overweight, she used to sit at one place only. NOt much physical activity. Now, its better for her.

    What I could say is just learn to laugh at them who try to give advice, as their kids too will have something that you can comment on. Each one is unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. I just listen to what the doctor says.
     
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  4. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    "The most beautiful child in the world and every mother has it" How true is this quote, let 100's of people around us give all sorts of comments but we know we have the best kid and we will do the best for him/her.. please don't pay any head to what others say negatively,,, if they compliment you can smile and say thank you but if they hurt you they are doing it intentionally ....
     
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  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    I dont understand why people comment on color , looks , length of babies and infants !!! so baad !!! Every kid is beautiful to his/her mom and dad. Why don't they realize this??
    Next time anyone says like this Stare at their faces with eyes big and angry expression on your face without speaking anything. Hopefully they will get the point..
     
  6. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    I am so thankful for all your advice ladies.
    Actually I know all this is said to hurt me and make me feel bad.i have ignored much and I will definitely ignore more now.
    To hell with such filthy people(including my H).

    I am going to instill good values in my son and make him a lovable human being..Ameen:)
     
  7. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Oh these remarks are very very common!just ignore!
    My both children were weighing less compared to normal birthweights of full term babies.
    My elder son was also born a month early and was tiny in built weighing very less compared to full term babies.
    But believe me doctor assured such preterm babies will surely catch up normal growth chart once they turn 3+ and it is very true so dont get upset on other people's comments just ignore and take good care of your child
    People always compare their children with others and assume that they have perfect knowledge of child care!
    My younger one also was very active! his walk and talk everything was normal even though he was under weight during birth.
    people generally advice to feed more sweets to gain weight for babies.. please follow your peidiatric advice everything will be alright.You too never compare your child's weight/height with other children of same age as all children are unique and have their own pace of growth:)
    Take care
    RGDS
     
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  8. bhavatarini

    bhavatarini Silver IL'ite

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    I too face lots of such comments :rant.. in your case this is just the beginning , you will have to hear many more such comments at different stages .. now get strong and take care of your son, do what is best for him!
    you cannot stop people from talking but you can stop those comments getting in to you :) take care :)
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    RJMK,

    As mothers we are very sensitive (there is a saying in tamil..kaakaikkum than kunju pon kunju..the crow feels that its offspring is gold..). so we give too much value to all the comments.. have you not heard people asking you to have this and that when you are pregnant with your baby..and you knew what was good for you and your baby. did you give importance and value to all the suggestions, you knew where and what you should pay heed right. now coming to the family, it is the same way. people tend to make comments. if your child was tall, they would have told, it is ok, he has not taken after you both..if he was active, then they want the credit that he takes after them.. it is natural for people to look at things with what is in their mind.

    I understand that you are angry, but just for a second relax and look back at what you have written..
    see you have also commented on the color....

    Right now concentrate on how to raise him healthy, active and better person. all these comments will go away when they see that you are doing the right thing by your child.

    there are two ways of doing it..just doing it silently knowing you are right..or behaving rude (giving back answers, feeling angry, showing faces..) you decide how you want to go about it.

    just remember to make your child feel the most cherished one. Forget he was preterm, right now he is fine and growing up well..and that is what is needed..knowing that you are loved and wanted, cherished is the best thing that you can give your child.
     
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  10. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    i rjmk,

    can understand ur problem.
    u know this has been a general thing in our society as well as family members.they just keep on advising us uncessary but its on us whether to listen them n follow them or not.
    i too hv a son. well he was not a preterm baby but i do understand the things regarding a premature baby.my MIL my SIL who has a 2 yr child n then other relatives n neighbours everyone keep on telling this n that...i just use to tell them that every child is diferent in his own...so u too keep telling them..
    n when ur MIL says anything then just ask her back that her both the sons were equal in everything even today...some things like height n weight must be differing in both of them...n ur BIL n COSIS just be straight to them that ur son is urs n mine is mine. n just make it clear to all of them that u r the one who takes cares of him n let u do what you want...n if someone has any problem keep him with them n tk cr ...
    this time no one stands that ok i will tk cr of him..u try this...i hv tried this n everyone was just mouth shut..
    n if some one says yes just leave him fr some time like 2 hrs n go fr shopping thy will get to know what it is..

    just try..
    n your H clearly state him that you r his mother n its u who know better whats gud fr ur son.

    n one thing more...whenever u visit ur docter n he tells u that everything is fine...come home n just sing songs abt it to everyone frm your H to MIL to BIL to COSIS that docter congratulated that u r doing verywell n he is absolutely well n also add this that docter is the one who knows better afterall thy see so many cases daily..:))

    best of luck..n still there then keep ur ears deaf for unwanted one but sometimes u get some gudones too
     

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