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In-law's are scaring me.. help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shilpa987, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. geetha_muralidharan

    geetha_muralidharan New IL'ite

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    Hi Dear,

    I went through your columns and am much moved by what you are undergoing. If you are educated to a certain level, you can always qualify yourself and seek a job. If you were working before marriage, then surely you can continue somewhere else from there. All that is needed is self confidence and courage to face the realities. Dear, you have married in to a mad family. My cousin sister too had been married in to such a family and she suffered for 10 months all sorts of degradations. Actually her MIL had mesmerised her to such an extent that she did not know consciously what was happening to her. But my uncle had rescued her from there cleverly and after 48 hours, along with medication only she came to her senses. Thereafter she divorced him and took up teaching as her career. But unfortunately she died in 2002. Anyway she was happy for the next ten years when she was close to the children at the school.

    So, take courage and get out. Nothing will be lost but your fear about facing the future. You will not be alone so long as your parents are there behind you. I should congratulate you that you are in India and at easy reach to your parents. In this same forum you can see many indian girls married and living abroad facing more severe problems and trying to solve them alone! Get ready to quit the place. You cannot teach a man to be courageous unless he desires for it. He is selfish and a coward. A coward dies daily. He is not reliable. So, take the decision early and save yourself. All the best to you.:clap:2thumbsup::cool:


    geetha
     
  2. Shardu

    Shardu New IL'ite

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    dear shilpa,
    u made the right thing by letting ur parents know about the situation u r in. clearly they are playing games with u. its not good for u to stay with them any more and even the suggestion by the others is also right u have to make a police complaint if they try to get him remarried.
    i have been thru similar situations but luckly i got to know of things before the situation reached point of marriage. i was able to get rid of bad rubbish. definately things will get more worst if u had a child. so get away from them while u can. there is more to life than this.
    hope and pray
    may lord ganesha be with u.
    regards
    shardu
     
  3. devvrinda

    devvrinda New IL'ite

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    Dear Shilpa,
    I completely agree with Ria. First thing you have to do is to get out of that house. There not even your husband seems bothered. You need help from others to tackle this as the whole family is sick. Now that your parents are aware of the situation you can go there. Take elders help and decide something for your future instead of wasting it among those persons who doesn't deserve your love. Go ahead lady..... Give yourself some self respect.
    Good Luck!
    devvrinda
     
  4. jaishree9

    jaishree9 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi shilpa
    This is a scary situation but u have to be bold & take decision & inform ur parents IMMEDIATELY. Dont think of bearing all this in trying to be a good wife or DIL or Daughter ,many times involvment of parents is must , Shift to their place & dont think of bringing issue of having a baby in this situation as this wud only complicate thinds.
    What is ur husbands job & education if it is possible & u think ur husband loves u try to get an transfer and shift to another place.
    If not & husband doesnot agree for this ( i have very much doubts that he will be as he seems to be in total influence of his parent )
    If necessary take any legal help necessary as it seems that these peope r trying to declare u mentally ill. Try to take as many evidences as possible of their behaviour & whatever balck magic they are doing if possible with u.
    If u can connect on net try to involve some local ladies forum or human rights people by net.
     
  5. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Shilpa,

    You need to take charge of your life immediately. Your husband dosen't seem to reciprocate your feelings...so better come out of this relationship.

    I would like to point one more thing....don't go and confide in his friends or others for anything, its better you talk to your parents. Your parents are supportive so you won't have problems in picking up the threads of your new life again.

    Get out of this situation ASAP and either complete your education first or take up a career and bury your past.

    Also after separating, if you come to know that they are talking of alliance with some other girl for your husband, then warn them too...so no one else falls in their trap again.

    All the best.

    Roopa.
     
  6. nadhi1

    nadhi1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpa,

    I know its not easy- these people, in particular your husband, have got you totally confused and in an emotional-stun mode - break free while you're still able to do it. No matter what in laws are like, you can survive if your hubby is strong and supportive- whether there are onlookers for this show of support should not matter. Clearly, they're all in this together, toying with you. Get out now - This situation is unsafe.

    Also, if you can, get some pictures (on mobile phone camera even, if available) of the voodoo evidence etc (do this quietly, before you leave).

    The hardest thing will be to make the actual break- grieving the loss of a relationship you thought was for life will be hard, but YOUR LIFE IS IMPORATANT. Once you're safe away and settle down to normal life again, start thinking about a career you enjoy and necessary training.

    Please take care and help yourself out of this deranged situation.
     
  7. shilpa987

    shilpa987 New IL'ite

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    I am back at my parents house. My husband was more then happy to see me go he packed my bags for me and just said stay happy... I have not heard from him since.... what do I do? should I go back myself? please tell me.. I cant stay like this..

    I am in so much pain... so much... we all are so confused.. should we contact the police?

    Shilpa
     
  8. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    You did one sane thing to yourself. Now I think you should just stay a while here. Wait and see how things unfold. In my opinion, police is just another way of putting urself in long term harrassment. Your family and you may get some short time relief that those folks are getting punishment.
    But trust me, it will also open pandora's box for you. I would suggest let things take their shape. If your husband comes for reconciliation, even then you should not go and stay in that family. They can really do anything to you. And such a husband is anyway good for nothing. So dont get swayed by your own emotions. Sometime the biggest logical thing one can do, is not listen to irrational emotions.

    Do whats good for your future. Get your career back. Get some life away from marriage. Meet your old friends. You dont have to discuss your marriage. Just have time and thought away from marriage. There is more to life than marriage and husband.
    I would never contact such a husband. I am telling you, you will thank yourself for ending it in future. This is not worth it if the guy doesnot come to reconciliation.
    No point carrying a kid also for such a guy. You need to first value yourself and then find someone who value you.
     
  9. Mallika29

    Mallika29 New IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpa,


    You've done a good thing now . Ofcourse , the pain will be there for sometime but it'll eventually disappear . As of now , try to engage urself with things u used to do before marriage . Try to go for some classes and meet new friends . You'' ll find that there're more interesting and happy things in life than thinking of people who are worthless . Since u didn't have any issues sofar , it was quite easy for you to take this step so don't have to feel for it . I hope someone in your family , maybe ur sister or bro gives you the moral support u need right now or else we're all there for you . Don't worry . Think you're atleast out of the mess . If he can't stand up for you when you were not treated properly , how will you be secure with him ?
    I hope you get over this pain and confusion soon and start living your life . Be confident . Think that it's all for good . Believe something very very good is waiting for you. Even if he comes to you , tell him you'll go with him only if he takes a separate house away from his parents and that he has to realise what they're actually and stand by you . Otherwise , in future you might face more problems .
    Take care dear .

    Rgrds,
    mallika
     
  10. sonalie

    sonalie Junior IL'ite

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