(In)Human Customer Service

I had my internet go off and on on my for the last two days. Internet is our lifeline. Our tv cable, our phone, our security system, of course all our I-devices all need internet. We feel like Robinson Crusoe on an island, totally cut off from the world.So i called up my ISP. In an attempt to provide more friendly customer service, the ISP has changed the customer support to computer based human which takes only voice inputs and tries to translate them. Here is how the conversation went.

ISP: I see you are calling from blah...blah telephone. If that number is on your account, say "Yes". If not, say "No"
Me: "Yes"
ISP: Good. Can you inform me the four number password on your account.
Me: blah blah...
ISP: <some. noise indicating me that it is searching for my account>
ISP: I have found your account. Thank for being our loyal customer. How may I help you today. You can say, "Pay My Bill", "Upgrade my Service", "Account Information", "Technical Support", "Other".
Me: Technical Support.
ISP. I am sorry I didn't understand what you said. You can say, "Pay My Bill", "Upgrade my Service", "Account Information", "Technical Support", "Other".
Me: Techincal Support + some background crying as my son timed his crying at the same time.
ISP. I think you said, "Pay My Bill" If that is correct, say "Yes", If not, say "No"
Me: No. ( I shouted)
ISP: I didn't understand what you said. Let's start again. You can say, "Pay My Bill", "Upgrade my Service", "Account Information", "Technical Support", "Other".
(ISP didn't like my shouting and i have to pay the price of going through again).
Me: (Moving into the remote bathroom and closing the door so to avoid disturbance. Aks, calm down, it is just a computer not a real person). Techincal Support.
ISP: I think you said, "Technical Support" If that is correct, say "Yes" If not say, "No".
Me: Yes. (I said calmly)
ISP: I can help you with trouble shooting of the the internet. Describe the problem for me. You can say "Internet is slow" or "I am having connection problem" or "Other". I am pleased to inform you that we now have a special on our lightening speed turbo charged internet package. Say, "Upgrade my service" to get this discounted service.
(Yeah as you know, i was not paying attention. My BP must have been 200 at that time. Again, taking a deep breath, i said in my mind, Aks, you can do this).
Me: Connection Problem.
ISP: I think you said Connection Problem. If that is correct say "Yes". If not, say "No".
Me: Yes. (said in a calmer way. Luckily my DH wasn't at home. Otherwise he would have felt jealous of the computer customer support for the patience and respect he was getting).
ISP: I can help you trouble shoot the connection problem. (some machine noise, indicating to me that the world has stopped their work and a worldwide search has begun to rectify my problem). Okay. To find the problem you are having and to solve your problem quickly, i have a few questions. Is the power code connected to the modem? If that is correct say "Yes" If not, say "No".
Me: Yes. (my BP must have been 225).
ISP: (some more machines noise indicating that a Universe wide search has commenced to solve my problem. Reminded me of SRK's dialog, "Kisi cheez ko Shidadat se chao to saari kayanat tumhe usse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai. (if you truely love something then the whole world works to unite it with you). How many lights are blinking on the modem. You can say "None", "One" "Two" "Three" "Four" "Five".
Me: "Two"
ISP: (again some machine noise, indicating that i am closer to resolution of my problem). Can you please disconnect the power chord to the modem and wait for two minutes? Say, "Yes" when you are done.
Me: (I disconnect the power chord and followed the two minute silence for the departed internet connection). Yes
ISP. Now connect the power chord again and wait for one minute. Say, "Yes" when you are done.
Me: (I connect the power chord and wait for a minute. This one minute was more excruciating than the labor pain i had during the birth of my son). "Yes".
ISP: How many lights are blinking. You can say "None", "One" "Two" "Three" "Four" "Five".
Me: Two.
ISP: (again some machine noise and some more and some more. Felt like the code Blue (adult medical emergency) code announced in the hospital). I will connect you to a technical support person to help you. (again some machine noises).
Now, the earlier computer customer support person is retired and the call is handled by another computer call person with a music being played to indicate i am on hold.
In between the music, the message is played, "We are experiencing a higher volume of calls. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. You can hold on or call at a different time. You can get faster service by going to our website, "blahblah.com/support". You can chat with a live agent.
Me: (my BP is at 250. I am having internet problems and it is saying to go to the website for faster service.:bonk)
After 20 mins of patience, i finally get to speak to a human being. She again asks questions about my name, last four of SS, password, etc to verify my account and not some impostor trying to use the great customer service of the ISP. I am again asked to disconnect my modem, pray in silence for 2 mins and reconnect. Finally, she informs me of that there is some problem with modem or the connection and will send out a field service person 3 days from now.

In the meantime, the internet comes on and off at it's own marzi (whim).

Didn't mention the times that the computer support didn't recognize my accent and had to revert back and forth. Not sure why can't they just have selection like press 1 for this and press 2 for that. Not every time, we have total privacy and saying birthdates and social security numbers is so embarrassing. And the system totally fails for heavily accented people, esp. for Gujjus like me. Gujjus can speak any language in gujrathi.

If this is human or inhumane customer service?

 

Yes. Internet is becoming our life line. I work in a company that makes sensors for mobiles and other devices. The next wave that is on the horizon is IOT (Internet of Things). Basically everything will be connected via internet. From the mobile/laptop one will be able to turn on/off, change colors, select which light to turn on or off - bulbs having internet and motion detection. Shoes will have motion sensors and detection to get statistical data for runners and joggers, Tennis racket, helmet of Skiers, etc to have similar technology. Spoons with motion sensors to limit the shakiness for patients with parkinson for ease in eating food.

Today when people visit other people's home instead of the usual greetings, the first question they ask is "what is your wifi password?".

 

Jaya Mam, yes the button system also gets irritating. Last year I had to call IRS for some tax related issue. They have button system and they have like 9 options and then 9 options for each of the nine options and so on. Worst part is that even if we know the option to select, we have to time it as it is not always ready to take our option. Finally, you either get connected to the customer service representative or it just says to call again if there are many customers on the line. It was so frustrating.

I think a reality show should be made where the CEO of the company is made to call his company's customer support number. That would be fun.

 

Yes, Vani mam you are right. I am lazy in following up. Just trying to close the errands. Most of the time, i don't like to call customer service. I leave it for the DH to deal with these. These days i am home so called up.

 

Thank you Viswa sir for sharing the video. That was too funny. Having a low battery on the phone is frustating. If it gets low, we rush the phone to the nearest outlet, just like taking a patient to the doctor and telling, "don't go to sleep, nothing will happen to you, I am there". :rotfl

Isn't it silly to ask the people having connection problems to go to the website for faster service? Don't know how these people come up with the use case scenario for the customer support software.

My BP is in control. I like the online chat support. It protects the privacy and i don't have to say personal details and i can do it from anywhere. Here the internet was down so didn't have that choice.