Ils Biased Nature Hurting Dh

@Minion
Maybe you are correct . I've experienced much worse partiality from my inlaws.I don't care much about partiality in giving but disproportionate responsibility accompanied by constant dissatisfaction does hurt. Maybe my advice was colored by my own experience as I've come to accept partiality as normal and have no expectations . Sorry if I gave biased view. I assure u, with all these experiences I have resolved never to do any kind of discrimination between my kids which my husband have faced. I know how much it hurts him and how much my heart cries for his hurt .He doesn't care for money but even concern is lacking that's what hurts him .And he takes all responsibilities because he is good at heart I support him in that.

But yes I do believe that just like we don't like to take dowry from our parents same way we should not expect money or property from in-laws. Just asked OP to make sure she doesn't get any disproportionate responsibilities that's all.

 

Your thread made me think a lot about it. It’s pretty obvious about your in laws favouritism towards the younger sibling. It’s a real scenario in many houses.

It’s long standing and inspite of your husband having a talk, has not gone out well. That means it’s going to overflow onto your kids as well, being the less favourite grandkids. It will become obvious in due course of time. Often we hear that in laws favour their daughter and here it’s your BIL.

As all pointed secure your financial position because in times of need there is not going to be support from them for your family. @yellowmango - as she told what they sow so they reap. It might look rude and harsh by that saying but one needs to look at the bigger picture.

I am pretty sure that this favoritism had been going on since when your husband was young. Whether he noticed it or not or just ignored is for him to know. Where can you pitch in? By being a strong pillar of support for your husband and your kids. Never ever allow your in laws to talk low about your husband in front of you or near hearing distance. Cut it off as soon as you hear.

There are many online resources which show many incidents of parental bias towards one sibling. They are only humans with flaws. So unless they realise it we cannot do much other than to discuss or distance ourselves away. Here discussion has failed so maintain your distance.

 

Dear op,
Actually what is worrying you?
Pil spending on BIL not on your h?
Co sister is not making much effort as you towards pil yet still she is getting luxury financial support?

As far as you are not obliged to be part of the financial contributions,you can relax and be a listening ear for your h.
I see this as more parenting toward the weak child. Is there any instance where you guys in need(actually asked for) of their fin support and been neglected? if yes then possibility of partiality, otherwise theyre just seeing you guys as bench mark of progression and tryna uplift the younger one equally which he isnt valuing.

how is the relationship between your h and his parents,h and BIL?
Does your co sister knows about bil's debt?

 

Such things are easier said then done....

And when it comes to parent-child relationships, unfortunately people have to let go of past grievances if circumstances change ....

 

All this is theoretically making sense but not good practically . Should we abandon our parents if they squandered away their money and have nowhere to go ? Just because we did not get anything from them should we just let them become.destitute and uncared for ?

No matter what they do , they are her husband's parents and he can't just abandon their responsibilities if tomorrow their parents need them .

The best thing to do is tell the parents now that first they have to keep aside something for their own future before giving away everything to the other son . That's the only solution .No matter what they should take responsibility of parents in future if it comes .

 

Op...same issues here.
The only way forward is to mind your finances and plan your life seperately from them . Do not ever get involved in joint investments.

 

I clearly mentioned don't expect anything from them .
The point is regarding spoiling one child and sqandering all money on him and then expecting to be taken care of .
If parents are poor or helpless ,it is one thing .
But when parents themselves spoil their son's future and their future,then they should not expect the world from the non fav child.

A warning given at the right time may make them think.Taking care of parents is their call and they can do it inspite of warning the parents in advance.

If not for themselves,at least for the sake of their fav son,they will realise that the other son is not going to take responsibility of their ladla ( favourite son) after they are gone.
If someone is jumping in the well,you need to warn before the person jumps and not repent after the person is in the well.

That is what my post meant.....may be not as politically correct as yours.

It is not theoritical...I told them to stop expecting us to take care of ladla ( favourite son) in future, from the money we are saving for our kids. We are no longer expected to and there is a change in their attitude towards the free flow towards ladla.
Earlier we were asked money for things like house repairs while the ladla was given money for luxuries.

If you are not ready to fight for the future of your family,then there is no point in crying when it is too late.