If Only

LakshmiKMBhat · Apr 14, 2017

I feel that the two saddest words, or the two most pathetic words, in any language are “if only”. They reveal a sadness, a regret, a sense of loss or of disillusionment. Some time ago I heard someone say with regret that they should have maintained a more affectionate relationship with a close relative. They had not done so. They understood what they had lost only after the relative passed away. So, if only…

We take our decisions based on what we think at a particular moment. We are convinced then that we are right. It is only later that we come to know whether we are right or wrong. A senior relative once said to me with great regret that the decisions he had taken five decades earlier seem to him now to be wrong. Life in India has changed drastically in the last twenty years. Before that life went on in the same way as it had done for generations. No one in their wildest dreams would have imagined the changes that would come. I feel that his decisions were correct for those times and when he took them. But still, he sometimes experiences a deep sense of regret.

Very often we place an individual upon a pedestal. But, at some moment in life we realize they are not what we thought them to be. When we like a person, their negative points do not really matter to us. We all have plus and minus points. When we become disillusioned about that person the negative points become more important. There is a saying in my language which goes, “all colours were swallowed up by soot.” Many a time we move away from people who had once been close to us. We move on, and they are left far behind. If only…

Then, what about accidents? We always say “if only we had not done this or that.” Last November, our son slipped and fell just outside the entrance of his college. He suffered three fractures in his ankle. It had to be operated upon. He is fine now, but the after-effects are still present. We used to think, if only he had not walked down the steps or if only my husband had reached there a little earlier, life would have been different. At least he has recovered. Many a time accidents happen, and life changes drastically. Nothing is the same any more. That is a terrible situation. There is no consolation at all for the people involved. If only they had been more careful. But accidents continue to happen.

Here, in our land, our belief that “what has to happen will happen” helps us to face many difficult situations in life. We do our best and leave the rest to God or whatever or whoever we believe in.

“In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.”
~T.S. Eliot

satchitananda · Apr 14, 2017

Some degree of thought needs to be given to all our actions in order to ensure that we act sensibly under given circumstances. Those circumstances change without prior notice, in which case our actions might turn out to be wrong. So there is no point in spending too much time in thinking about the future or regretting the past. We can only live in the present and do the best we can ..... and of course, leave the rest to the one upstairs.

shyamala1234 · Apr 15, 2017

LakshmiKMBhat said: ↑

I feel that the two saddest words, or the two most pathetic words, in any language are “if only”. They reveal a sadness, a regret, a sense of loss or of disillusionment. Some time ago I heard someone say with regret that they should have maintained a more affectionate relationship with a close relative. They had not done so. They understood what they had lost only after the relative passed away. So, if only…

We take our decisions based on what we think at a particular moment. We are convinced then that we are right. It is only later that we come to know whether we are right or wrong. A senior relative once said to me with great regret that the decisions he had taken five decades earlier seem to him now to be wrong. Life in India has changed drastically in the last twenty years. Before that life went on in the same way as it had done for generations. No one in their wildest dreams would have imagined the changes that would come. I feel that his decisions were correct for those times and when he took them. But still, he sometimes experiences a deep sense of regret.

Very often we place an individual upon a pedestal. But, at some moment in life we realize they are not what we thought them to be. When we like a person, their negative points do not really matter to us. We all have plus and minus points. When we become disillusioned about that person the negative points become more important. There is a saying in my language which goes, “all colours were swallowed up by soot.” Many a time we move away from people who had once been close to us. We move on, and they are left far behind. If only…

Then, what about accidents? We always say “if only we had not done this or that.” Last November, our son slipped and fell just outside the entrance of his college. He suffered three fractures in his ankle. It had to be operated upon. He is fine now, but the after-effects are still present. We used to think, if only he had not walked down the steps or if only my husband had reached there a little earlier, life would have been different. At least he has recovered. Many a time accidents happen, and life changes drastically. Nothing is the same any more. That is a terrible situation. There is no consolation at all for the people involved. If only they had been more careful. But accidents continue to happen.

Here, in our land, our belief that “what has to happen will happen” helps us to face many difficult situations in life. We do our best and leave the rest to God or whatever or whoever we believe in.

“In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.”
~T.S. Eliot

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Dear lakshmi,
It happens many times in life "if only" situations. We regret our actions or circumstances are in such a way that unforeseen happens. Umpteen times. But human beings are made in such a way that we get up again and move forward. God has given that strength. Other wise world would not be like this.
If in an accident one has a fracture we think "if only" for a while then the same we also think that " Thank God. It is not a head injury or something more serious!"
So need not brood too much and move on.
Good one and relevant to all of us.
Syamala

joylokhi · Apr 15, 2017

Yes, inspite of all our best intentions there will always be phases where we are forced to recollect and regret - if only! - It is not always easy to forget and get on with life but needs to be done to ensure peace within ourselves.

jayasala42 · Apr 15, 2017

'If only' are golden words for self assessment and future precautions.
But situations won't be the same.We may not commit the mistakes earlier committed, but are likely to commit other blunders once again resulting in'only if',
Powerful words reminding us of 'free Will' and' Destiny' simultaneously.
Sometimes small slips may result in irresolvable issues.Believing somebody's versions, not having sufficient details about the would be DIL or SIL or life partner may land us into great difficulties and irrecoverable damages.Now a days there are crisis management studies for business people and many psychological text books to guide us from impending perils so that we may have lesser opportunity to say'only if'.

Jayasala 42

Mario123 · Apr 15, 2017

Words are very powerful. Many times we regret saying something at wrong time or even not saying right thing at the right time. And wonder if only...
If only.. is very important for relationships. Thoughts, words , actions have to be paid attention to.
And I feel when we judge people, it depends on few incidents or talks, and once we decide or label someone, it remains forever in our mind. This is wrong. Because, each person keeps changing, with his own journey of events of life and we never know the complete picture from that persons view.
So, I have stopped being judgmental or even commenting abt right or wrong for anything. Its all theory of relativity.

Later we dont hav to say If only...

Mario123 · Apr 15, 2017

satchitananda said: ↑

Some degree of thought needs to be given to all our actions in order to ensure that we act sensibly under given circumstances. Those circumstances change without prior notice, in which case our actions might turn out to be wrong. So there is no point in spending too much time in thinking about the future or regretting the past. We can only live in the present and do the best we can ..... and of course, leave the rest to the one upstairs.
Click to expand...

Agree 100%

LakshmiKMBhat · Apr 16, 2017

Thank you dear friends, yes words are very powerful and we all pass through those stages in life when we use the words'if only'. It is but natural. We have to learn from them and try to move on. Regards, Lakshmi Bhat

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Apr 19, 2017

Even adding the word "only" along with if, it has got it's power.

If I had stopped him from going out, perhaps he would not have met with the accident.

PS

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