I won't repeat this again - I'm sure this time!!

Happy2be · Feb 9, 2012

Ghosh..its so damn hard when you are swinging between the loving mom and the disciplined mom Status. She always has the same thing to say - Mumma..I won't repeat this again...I'm sure this time..I promise....and many a times this gives a kickstart to the same dialogue session when I try to tell her each time in all possible ways that its not the first time I am hearing this from her... :bonk
Hmmphhh......pleeaaase someone tell me who teaches these kiddos such dialogues!!! SHe'll cr over the milk..Its done..she'll cry over wearing the shoes...done again..she'll sob clarifying..I'll hug her and talk to her...once in a week, she'll get ONE from me. Yes..mommies, I know, we shouldn't take to hitting...But don't tell me you never did!!!
Reward sessions are an old trick now....
losing a fav toy means Mom is blackmailing..teaching how to blackmail!!
Soft talks means there is plenty of time to waste or that Mom is weak this time
Yelling means its okay to shout when you are angry...
Not talking mode means cold wars are acceptable.

I have heard kids learn from actions they see at home and this leaves me Nowhere..then how to beahve..how to react..they are so much smarter than we think. WIth those pretty faces and with those gloomy poor faces :-(, they know when the iron is hot enough to give a strike!!! Mommying is a never ending learning. She makes me think over something I said myself. I told her its okay to get angry and you can kick out your anger..but in your own room...without harming or destroying and we talk when you're done...THAT'S IT!! She got the trick..Now that means I can at least kick legs on my bed whenever and however much I want to..then why do you tell me to learn to control and behave...even if its unnecessary...I am angry and you said its okay to be angry . SIGH!!!

jayavk · Feb 9, 2012

Hi happy 2be,
I guess you are not so happy after all. But yes all the moms have to go through this. But I guess sticking to the rule is important and just ignore all that is done to oppose it. And you mom just keep yourself busy with something else and relax, I know its not that easy but give it a shot.

satchitananda · Feb 9, 2012

Hi Happy2be, you can't win with them. Don't even try. I can imagine your dilemma. As you said "mommying" is no easy task. All the best to you. :biggrin2:

Happy2be · Feb 9, 2012

yes Jaya....I'm not happy with these daily sessions as after each one...when I see her smiling and back to her naughty plays just once I hug her..she forgets everything and is back to play and cries"when she needs it"...I feel its not that easy for me to do away with that anger frustration wave and get going in a minute like her..I feel angry for having lost that day's charm with her..I feel defeated that none of my hugged talks till date have helped to make her understand...But then...at times..thinking that I have no choice..at times...settled by DH...at times catch a headache by my own stress and loud voice at times, be it mine or her cry....I get back to looking out for new tricks..lol...
I understand sticking to rule is important but then its again so hard to make kids understand how rule needs to be modified at times...like I usually keep telling her to begin writing from top left of the page ...write date and name first on worksheets else she forgets to write it later..I tell her to begin from top and work orderwise downwards and in between comes the draw color the alphabet part... Now some fine day when I tell her, to complete the writing part in my presence and do coloring later..cos she takes lot of time in coloring leisurely..I have to go to the kitchen ..I'll give her reason but she'll stick to the rule that I only told her to work orderwise...hmmpphhh!! Many such instances come up which leave me dazzled, smiling at times, in agreement to her at times, frustrated at other times.

Happy2be · Feb 9, 2012

I know Satchi but you know HIGH HOPES

sushmavja · Feb 9, 2012

happy2be,
same thing at my house too.as our tickets are booked just now, i was telling my DD " you should not for anything to eat when we go to granny's place" she immediately said " ok amma,i will ask for annam,that is ok na"as if i wont give her food:bonk..i was referring to the junk she has at home :rant
mommying as you said is a really tough task..now a days kids get to understand everything so quickly..
happy parenting dear:thumbsup

Sush

Jananikrithsan · Feb 9, 2012

Happpy2be,
Sometimes mommying is a woeful task, they get their way with just a sorry look and then it is the poor mother folk who face the music from all directions! Not that we dont love it! Jai ho to us!

kylie · Feb 9, 2012

My son threw many a tantrum when he was younger. Nothing seemed to work. He would cry n I would run to him to explain what he did wrong. If he went to his room to sulk - i would immediately leave my work n try to reason with him or blackmail him or scold him as the case may be. He would shout n cry and I would pull my hair out. I would feel guilty whenever i punished him by making him stand in a corner. He also knew that it made me miserable to punish him n he always tried to encash on it.

I realised i was going nowhere in trying to discipline him until i tried to ignore his tantrums n devised newer methods for the proverbial "crime n punishment" techniques. My son is now 10 n has understood the rules of the game. Am listing some below for those who want to try.

1. Previously, he would cry in his room after an argument expecting me to come in with consoling words. Not anymore baby ! You get a complete ignore from mommy. If u cry - u cry alone while I watch yr favourite show on TV with a bowl of popcorn [of course with the volume turned high enough for him to hear]!! Now he goes to his room in a fit of anger but comes out in 5 minutes - says sorry n watches the show !

2. Previously, I would cry myself hoarse in telling him to write neatly or to put down the date. Now, if yr handwriting is not neat - you dont take yr notebook to school n risk being punished by the teacher and made to stand outside the class. Writing has improved drastically.

3. Previously, when he shouted - i would get angry myself. Not anymore - when u yell, mommy simply ignores n walks off. In addition, all yr pocket money goes to yr sister who is always lurking around for moments like this !! This really works wonders.

4. Earlier, many a lecture had been devoted to the importance of telling the truth. No impact. Now, if u r caught lying - u forego yr "benefits" for the month. "Benefits" include going out for a movie, eating yr favourite pizza or burger, playing yr favourite game on the PC, buying yr favourite story book and of course u also receive the perennial cold shoulder fm the rest of the family during the punishment period. Now, who wants to risk all this !

5. For the first 3 times, the mistake will be pardoned without any punishment by just saying "sorry".

At the same time good behaviour is promptly rewarded - playing for an extra half hour, getting a bonus in yr pocket allowance etc.

Things hv certainly calmed down. There is no fretting or fuming - u do something wrong, check the log n be ready for the punishment guys !! No negotiations. My son is 10 n my daughter is 14. Ofcourse, there r still the occassional - "i wont do it again, i didnt remember the rule, i didnt know this was not allowed etc." which have to be dealt with as the case maybe.

love,
kylie

tanoshii · Feb 9, 2012

My goodness are they smart!!! Enjoyed reading. I hear all this from my friends too and it gives me a chance to brace myself and prepare for my own future (my own protection)..lol

Thanks for sharing Happy2be

Happy2be · Feb 11, 2012

Thats wonderful Kylie that all this worked for you...mmm...but would it work for my 5 yr old too??? I try some of these..but then I feel isn't she too young to understand all this..wouldnt she feel that there's a punishment for evrything with mumma.....even now when i talk to her omnce she is calm she'll say - mumma you are gaiantelling me same things..even if you are saying softly but detailing means you are still angry n taking me at fault...sigh...sigh..but I'll surely try your tricks as much as possible.