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'I will always be there for them!'Mother's Day Blog contest

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by mithila kannan, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    Mother,Amma,Mai ,Thayi,…..Different names by which we call her,but the feelings that the word evoke are the same.
    There are certain things about mothering that are handed over from mother to her daughter and from daughter to her daughter and this continues.

    You may be a highly qualified, independent and intelligent woman but your mother must have definitely influenced you and part or whole of your mother’s love for you, has shaped you as a mother.Atleast my mother had this influence on me.

    I became mother to two lovely daughters at a pretty young age.Since I did not live in a joint family and since my husband’s transferable job took us to many states in our country,I learnt being a mother by myself.There was no one to guide me,I did not refer to any manuals. My instinct alone guided me, as my mother’s instinct alone guided her in being a wonderful mother.

    My mother loved her children unconditionally,no sacrifice was too big for her to see that her children were happy and taken care of. She never gave me loads and loads of advice and inspite of there being a big age gap between us, she treated me as her friend,confiding in me ,talking to me about everything,be it politics,books,family matters etc.When I did something wrong and would regret it,she would hug me and say,”Never mind,everybody commits mistakes.Now that you have realized your mistake, you will not repeat it”.Those words gave me the confidence to face life.

    So, I did the same with my daughters.When they were toddlers,I showered all my love and affection on them,constantly worrying and planning their menu,seeing to it that they got friends to play with.My husband was a marketing man.He used to travel a lot.There were Diwalis that I and my daughters celebrated on our own, since husband dear was on tour.I had the tremendous responsibility of bringing up my daughters.But I would be telling a lie if I say that I did it on my own.My husband’s support was there,without a husband’s support the wife can’t achieve much and vice versa .

    When my daughters grew up , I became their friend.I confided in them.I spoke to them about my childhood ,my growing up years.If I told them about my wonderful school days and how I was my teachers’ favourite student,how I excelled in oration and dramatics,I also told them about the crushes I had as a teenager,the heartburns I learnt to accept,the disappointments that hurt me a lot, the mistakes I committed and the lessons that I learnt the hard way.I did that purposely,because I thought this was the best way to teach my children about life and to be careful.Today my daughters tell me,”Amma,you were awesome in confiding in us.We hope that we also treat our children the same way ,as trustworthy friends.”Well ,since my daughters’ welfare was the only thing that mattered to me,I did not think twice before opening up my heart to them.

    I talked to my daughters a lot,I knew about their friends.Their friends were always welcome in our house.I treated them as my daughters only and invariably their parents became our family friends.This was the best way to see that my daughters kept good company.

    We lived in a sprawling,beautiful flat in Delhi.We had live in servants,two cars drivers,very luxurious lifestyle.I would call my daughters and tell them,”This is like living in a five star hotel for a short stay.Appa will retire and we will go back to our place and continue our simple life style, since we are not a fabulously rich family.Iam mentally prepared and I want you both also to be prepared for that.You should know how to sit on the floor and eat from a plantain leaf spread on the floor and you should know how to eat with fork and spoon as well.You ought to learn our customs and traditions and you should be capable of being an excellent hostess in a formal party.”


    I never pampered them.If the elder daughter arranged the table, kept the dishes on the table during dinner time,the younger one had to clean the table and leave the kitchen absolutely clean, when we retired for the night.My friends used to make fun of me,”If your daughters are doing so much work,why do you have a live in servant?”But I knew how I wanted my daughters to get ready, to run their own homes.

    My elder daughter keeps a marvelous house,is an excellent hostess,she is a calm and composed person and as a doting mother I feel that the most beautiful flower on this earth can not be compared to the lovely shy smile on my daughter’s face.
    My younger daughter who acts as my mother and grand mother, maintains a fine balance between tradition and modernity.She attends parties with her husband ,wearing beautiful dresses and she conducts elaborate pujas at home, wearing our traditional nine yard saree.

    To me manners were and are very important.I never could bear my daughters being rude to anyone.They had to be polite and kind.They could not raise their voice on the maids.Even today,my daughter who are in their mid thirties are very well mannered ,kind gracious ladies.They are polite and kind to their maids and insist that their children are also the same.

    Being the eldest daughter in law of a big family,I had my fair share of small and big hiccups with my in laws.But I never passed on my dislikes to my daughters.I allowed them to build up their own strong ties with their chittappas,chithis ,athais and their families.My daughters are very attached to their close relatives on my side and my husband’s side as well.

    Both my daughters are enjoying their motherhood as I did as a young mother.I know that they will be good mothers and wonderful friends to their children in the years to come.Thats what I was to my children, that’s what my mother was to me.

    That does not mean that my mothering days are over,oh,no!When my daughter rings me up and says,”Give me recipe for morkuzhambu and please make it fast”I jump with new vigour and give her the recipe.Both the daughters seek me out,when they have their minor squabbles with their husbands,misunderstandings with their in laws,friends,neighbours .I lend them my shoulders to lean on and cry.I just listen to them,I don't advise them,they don’t want advices,they want their mother’s shoulders to lean on.I am there for them and will always be there for them.I will continue to be their understanding ,caring mother as long as I live, for these daughters of mine are God’s gift to me.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/phoenixritu/mothers-day-competition-1717/
     
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  2. ssusha123

    ssusha123 New IL'ite

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    dear mithila mam,
    fantastic post. i liked it very much. there are no words to express. long live mam. as u said, even i share with my daughter each and everything. i am so open to her and she also. i enjoy my daughter's company always. in a way, i am so selfish that i want to live long atleast for my daughter.
    once again thanks for reading a nice post.
    usha
     
  3. Paulina

    Paulina Moderator Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    My v dear Mithila,
    That was a very nostalgic trip for me reading your lovely blog on mothering .I belong to the same two daughter club as you do and found myself nodding over and over again as I read through your account of rearing the young girls to blossom forth into talented homemakers or professionals as was warranted in their lives.
    The parts about the dress codes for selective occasions like poojas and parties is just what I had taught them to do also.So , even with their 'phoren' hubby's they are following the age old rules and are respected by their in-laws who admire our cuktural norms and values.In fact they too love wearing sarees and kurtas along with them on festival days like Diwali.
    Now that we have reached the evening of our lives we can rest assured that we have done our part of mothering and have moved to a more enjoyable part ....that of gradmothering ......no reponsibilities... only the fun of pampering .....we can take the praises and they ,our DD's can take the blame if something does not turn out the way it should !! We are enjoying this chapter aren't we now?? !!
    warm regards
    PAULINA
     
  4. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    dear mithila mam,

    lovely blog...very true most of the time we need sounding boards only and not advice..who else except mother with whom you can just be yourself...

    dear paulina,

    i too keep thinking grandparents have the bet..only the joys of spoiling the grandchild..the parents can do all the disciplinig..but I still have a long time to go for that:)..you enjoy yourself...:thumbsup

    love
    Mindi
     
  5. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear Mindian,
    Thank you for the lovely feed back.I was so happy to receive that.I agree with you,mother is the only person with whom one can be the normal self.You can open your heart only to her.
    As for grand parenting,Iam enjoying every minute of that role.
    love
    mithila kannan
     
  6. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear dear Paulina,
    We have many friends with two daughters and you are one.Iam happy that this post took you on a nostalgic trip down the memory lane.Paulina,in our time we could talk to our daughters,discuss with them and they listened to us.In the present day set up,I wonder if mothers have that kind of inflence onver thei daughters.Very often I hear even school kids telling their mothers,"You don't know anything mummy,you keep quiet."

    Iam happy to learn that your daughters like the traditional way of dressing for occasions like puja s and functions.Iam not surprised that their in laws dote on them.
    As far as grand mothering is concerned,Iam enjoying every minute of this phase in my life.
    Thank you for the lovely feed back.
    love
    mithila kannan
     
  7. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear dear Usha ss,
    Thank you dear for your kind words of appreciation.The bonding between mother and daughter is so very special.
    May God bless you my dear friend,with good halh,long life,peace and happiness.

    love
    mithila kannan
     
  8. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    My Dear Mithila,

    A great blog. You sure are a fantastic mother Mithila. I am sure your children worship you. Its nice to know they are so inspired by the way you brought them up that they wish to raise their kids the same way.
    Parenting is a wonderful experience.. Right from birth till forever.....
    Lovely blog Mithila. I thoroughly enjoyed the way you have written. As always superb!:)

    Love,
    Devika
     
  9. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Devika,
    Thank you for the lovely fb.A word from you always cheers my heart.
    love
    mithila
     
  10. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Mithila,
    Very beautifull ! Nallathouru kudumbam !
    Life becomes enriched by being mother, it is fulfilled by being grandmother. So happy to hear that lovely relationship is maintained, you are lucky to have such lovely daughter and they are lucky to have a mom like you. Win Win situation.
    Unfortunately i don't have a daughter, so my DIL will be my daughter,all the love i want to shower will be for her.
    Jaya
     

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