I Went Through And I Am Going Through Hell With Mil Fil--please Help!!!

I was born in India and came to the US a few years ago. Although I have indian roots I adapted to the culture here in the US. I learned and adapted to the US Culture- not in a bad way. I wear a pant and shirt. I dont drink or party and I am a homely person.

I talk a lot and I admit I faced a lot of problems because of that.

My husband is typical Indian minded with filthy minded parents who always wish and hate even the air that I breathe. Reason- they have only one child who can earn and the other one is mentally challenged so treat him like crap..

They are actors without makeup if you know what I mean. This post is to vent out my problems and to discuss the issues I faced several years due to them and how much my parents have struggled because of them. I feel like dying sometimes and loose all the hope.

I am a straightforward person and will confront a person directly on their face if they make a mistake ... I tried meditation yoga but nothing seems to change this. I tend to get angry when it is about them .. While the MIL FIL can act very well I cannot. I just tell whatever is in my mind. In several instances I told my DH that they will act very well but he never listens. They might bitch about me behind my back but will act 100% if they talk to DH.

How it started:

Just like any other Indian arranged marriage my marriage was arranged by parents. It was arranged but we both had consent.

A background of my DH family: They are orthodox, narrow minded (just like anyones I suppose), with a sibling who is mentally challenged. We did not know this until after I got married. They said that he didnt study well before marriage when we asked.

I have not paid a single rupee as dowry. I got married and got hurt from day1.

My MIL threw vessels on me during my wedding. My DH said you are going to go away to US so dont worry and suck up a few days.

As days passed by issues increased. They wanted me to call daily which I did. They didnt want to leave him alone.. I wrote emails and confronted them but its like keeping leg in cow dung. It splashed on me in a very very negative way.

DH says I dont call him and followed whatever they said. They started harassing me more and more. I sent call history to everyone including my parents - (of course I did because I am an honest person and would confront everything on face).

I involved several people in this conflicts because DH would run away according to the wish or order from his parents or just kick me out of the house one time. Everything some issue happens between us we will have to bring someone to rescue. If not DH will run away..

I dont know what to do as this issue came back in a different form recently. DH told MIL FIL that he is facing some depression because of his work stress. He didnt tell me that.. I found out after talking to them. I told FIL MIL and FIL says its my fault blatantly. I cook do vessels clean up after DH do everything. DH is like a typical Indian man and does nothing. I suck up to everything..

My FIL is orthodox and believes in horoscopes so he told my husband a few years ago to DH that DH will commit suicide in a few years as per horoscope. Even enemy wont tell this to anyone even if they hate them so much. He dared to tell this to his own son.

Daily his call continues for 20-25 min a minimum.

I dont have anyone to share and anyone to vent. My parents went through hell in this whole process. They are old and I dont want to trouble them with this and would like to fight this battle on my own. I feel sorry they have to go through such mess because of me.

I am scared to leave.. I really am. I dont have the guts.. My indian roots wont let me. I heard divorce and stuff are pretty costly and I cannot afford so much. Recently found a job.

Please help me and give me some advice. I am crying as I am typing this right now.

I am already in pain so please help in whatever way you can.. Thanks.

 

Thanks soulful for your response. I refreshed this page like n number of times.
I spoke to H and he says that he doesnt want to go see a psychiatrist. I think it is coming from work pressure + fil pressure regarding bitching me both..

 

Thanks soulful. I feel like you are my friend who came to rescue when I am drowning in water.. Thanks a lot.. I am writing this from my heart. It is really hard to change my honesty habit and I made several attempts and failed. I will try to be less blatant about truth and less honest/ direct in the future. Confrontation is leading to more problems. Regarding going out H says he has no time for this stuff and cannot come out for outings. I retaliated in the past and I must admit the fault is on my side too.. FIL & co. always complaining to H that I never call them over the phone. They were not there when I was in trouble and will not. I do not want to talk to them..

 

Thanks Chennaiexpress. I am still in a dialemma whether to go for divorce or not. It is not easy, it is painful and costly affair. Middle class person like me cannot afford divorce lawyer in US. I dont need a single penny from my husband. Is there anyway I can make this exit simple and less painful? I hate to write this.. I want to try the other less intense suggestions mentioned earlier and give it 100% before I try this route may be? Thanks for your response..

 

Thanks sbonigala. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I meant to generalize based on the women I saw in my life and that might not be all women in India.. - may be thats the small world I saw. You have a point -there might be better stronger people than me who have stronger outlook towards life.. Thanks for your response.