i think my special needs brother in law is attracted to me

NewlyWifed · Nov 18, 2013

My brother in law(husbands brother) is a special needs kid and he was very affectionate to me when i came here during the early days of my marriage. I loved him very much. He used to hug me and hold my hands more than is appropriate but i brushed it off as an innocent thing..in a week i understood there was something wrong and his approach and words started becoming creepy..he would say things like- anni, you are and so beautiful..in a way that sends chills through your spine..he would get furious and rise his voice if he sees me and my husband spending some time together...he was always angry at my husband...i often find him on public, which i dont think is always a coincidence- on roads, on shops , on bus everywhere...he asks my husband when he will be at work and visists me home when he is not home..once he asked me to let him take a picture of me alone...i refused him and he cursed at me in public...it was the last straw and i went to his mother and told her what happened and told her that i dont want him coming home when husband is not home...she first blamed me that i let him do it that is why he got comfortable doing it...then she said that she will speak to him...she said that i and my husband need not bring this up to him directly as he will go into depression or something...after that i started totally avoiding him...then again he 'bumped' into me in bus and cried to me why i ignore him and he wants me to behave to him normally...i was too scared to say anything in negative so i said yes i will behave normally...my husband also encourages me not to upset him, because when he becomes upsets he turns his house upside down...when we told his parents than we are pregnant, MIL did not disclose it to BIL, and told me not to do it...my husband, does not know this and he told BIL on phone that we are going to have a baby...his response was- why are you telling me things i dont want to know....this creeped me out...i am so scared of him, and i think everyone is so supportive of BIL rather than me...I lack sympathetic ears to listen to my stories and i lack support and good advice because i have not disclosed this to anyone so that my in laws privacy remains protected...but now i wonder if i should let my own parents and brother know about this..or would that be a bad idea? I am also worried about taking away peace from my parents by discussing these things with them...please give me some ideas

malathi0874 · Nov 18, 2013

hi friend,
pls discuss this with your dear husband. this is a serious one,

blackbeauty84 · Nov 18, 2013

Does your husband knows the complete picture of it or hear he doesn't want to hear it completely. If he doesn't see complete sense of it, I think you should tell a third party about what's happening there.

As far as your PIL's are concerned they are never going to support you. Maybe after seeing you, Your BIL too seeks a partner for himself.

NewlyWifed · Nov 18, 2013

My husband knows the situation well but he is in denial...he does not understand the true seriouusness of it and does not understand my fears...sometimes my thoughts get the better of me and i become worried sick if BIL will hurt my husband

Vidhyadev · Nov 18, 2013

Speak to your husband first if no proper response.. disclose to your parents and ask them to speak.. this is serious issue, there is a chance in future if he becomes more arrogant he may harm ur baby and husband as welll for his needs

guesshoo · Nov 18, 2013

Hi dear,

so he has special needs but he need not be supervised all the time - since he seems to be freely stalking you I ask this. While I sympathise with your ILs for the huge responsibility in their shoulders, it should by no means be a threat to you. Especially now that you need to be as stress free as possible. Tell your DH that you sympathise with him but at the same time this continuous stalking and over friendly behaviour must not continue. To this end ask you DH and mil to go with you to his doctor for a chat about how to deal with this situation. The doctor might be able to give strategies to tackle this issue.

And do let your parents know, perhaps in a rather superficial manner - he seems too attached to me and it's making me uncomfortable - if you feel you don't want to alarm them by bombarding them with all the details.

Can you and your husband get transferred to a different location? It is extreme but it is a slightly less personal way to put some distance between you two. All the best. Take care

sweety17 · Nov 18, 2013

"special needs kid" - but he stalks you on the road,bus,shops etc. So he doesn't need monitoring all the time? A kid who has special needs is left to be on his own. Am not sure i understood this correctly.

Yes i too think the best way to deal with this would be to first take your DH into confidence. Then talk to your BIL's doctor and take advise how to deal with this situation.But make sure your own folks are aware at least at the high level. No need of giving them details unless required.Or you could talk to your brother about your fears and take his help/advise.

Even better relocation would be the best solution i suppose.Good Luck dear!!

Radhai · Nov 18, 2013

kingkong1 said: ↑

It looks like Vaali movie by Ajith
Click to expand...

spoke too soon? vaali-2 may be rated R unlike part1 when it grows 2 or 3 pages old.

rachaputi · Nov 18, 2013

OMG.. Its time for counseling for Ajith 2

NewlyWifed · Nov 18, 2013

Wow...did you ever think how insensitive that would sound to someone who is actually going through this sort of crap while pregnant and away from parents? Some people really get a kick out of such smart as responses dont they?

Radhai said: ↑

spoke too soon? vaali-2 may be rated R unlike part1 when it grows 2 or 3 pages old.
Click to expand...

As for the other posts, my bil is special needs cognitively...physically he is fine and this is not india so he is not in a mental institution or under supervision..he goes to a special school that deals with kids like him...he always has this cycle of putting forth a demand, me refusing, him not talking to me for a very long time, then approaching me and creating a scary drama, then everyone else interfering and playing the referee and calming him down, him being nice for a few days, then him putting forth a new demand etc etc