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I Love My Parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Dolu, Feb 5, 2018.

  1. Dolu

    Dolu New IL'ite

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    I love my parents so much. I never slept without my mom until 17 years. And now the situation is i just speak to them everyday when nobody's home. My in laws never allows me to meet them, stay with them. They force my husband to stop me for any meet. I feel so bad for my parents that they never saw me happy after marriage. If I go visit them, then my husband, in-laws makes a big drama out of it. Why people don't respect others love. Why women controls other woman. How can they be very selfish. I am still struggling for 8 years, what should be the solution. I tried once to let them know that, my parents didn't sell me to them. I stopped going to India for this reason. Even if I go there will be lots of rules and assurance will be there for not meeting my own parents for certain days. As soon as those days are over, if I go to parents home, they will start interfering in my life, never let their son to go to my house. My parents are very humble and educated people. They have gone through a lot in their lives. So they always tries to make piece. They suggest me not come. Stay happy where ever you are. But after giving birth to a daughter I really feel bad for my parents. What type of daughter am I? I feel so selfish and sometimes helpless. They put that much love and affection in me and now because of this bad society rules I am forced to stay far. Why these married things always applicable to girls.
    I know many woman are sailing in same boat. What would you do to give them all respect what they deserve? Not with hiding way. In front of all.
    If your suggestion is talk to husband and all then it will never work. He is scared of her mom. And he can control only person who is me.
    My parents are growing old, I want that they play with daughter, eat some food made by me. Spend some time with us with positive vibes.
    Please suggest.
     
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  2. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you independant/working? If you are working and still endure this, I would blame you for putting yourself into this position..Even if not,you dont have to take this rules.

    The only solution is to put your foot down. If you cannot defend yourself,no body can stand for you. If your husband is afraid of his parents, that is his problem. Very clearly tell them that you cannot avoid your parents. Just think what can they ultimately do? Badmouth about you? Talk ill about your parents ? Or worst case divorce? I doubt if they will go to the extent of divorce.
     
  3. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    OP-(1) so did your MIL never went to her parents place?(2) does your husband’s sister never comes to her parents place?

    Learn to stand for yourself. Even if you are not working outside home - meaning you are not earning money, does not mean you are living for free. You are working at home 24x7.

    It is not that only you got married. Your husband also got married alongwith you. He goes to meet his parents, why not you.
     
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  4. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    As others suggested you have to speak for yourself else nobody will. Your MIL is not going to become fine one day and be generous or caring towards you. So stop expecting that. Only option is to speak up. I am also staying far away from my parents and we are two daughters. I have clearly stated to my husband that, my parents are nearly 60 yrs and have lived more than half of your life. We can’t expect them to live for another 20-30 years which means I have only limited time to spend with my parents.

    While my husband gets 365 days to spend with his parents I need to spend at least 20-30 days every year with my parents. It is my RIGHT. Being a working lady I do split these days according to the convenience of my daughter’s school and my office duties. So even if I spend 30 days a year with my parents and do it continuously for another 20 years it is just 600 days or roughly you can say 1.5-2 yrs. IS IT FAIR????:imp:

    It is seriously unfair on this parochial society to let a guy live with his parents lifelong and make us live with our parents for hardly 2 years. :smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp::smilingimp:Please don’t accept this and fight for your right. You have to fight not only for your own peace of mind but as a dutiful daughter.

    Before going on holidays, my MIL shows a lot of concern like mosquitos in my parents place because she has not got a valid point so far to argue with me. And I am like right, there are no mosquitos in my in laws house and all the mosquitoes are in my parents’ house. :rage:
    In front of hubby she does not leave a chance to drop a big tube of odomos to show her concern for granddaughter. Still I choose to ignore and GO….:hello:
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    If your husband can be scared of his monster mother,he can be scared of you too.
    Why do you take this nonsense ?To be called a good wife and dil?
    To whom?these monsters?
    If the monster in law can make him do this to you,you can make his life hell too.

    Ask your husband if he wants to paid back the same way for having a daughter as he is paying back your parents?

    Become kali and do a tandav at home. Tell your husband you will go home to your parents and he can go to his parents.If he refuses...tell him refusing to let a woman go to her parental house is grounds for divorce.

    This time...go to your parents place and refuse to go to mil's place. Tell her you have had enough of her tyranny and you will not visit her as she has refused to let you spend enough time with your parents.

    If your parents make you weak by telling you go to in laws place,ask them what you did to deserve such rejection . Tell them to be your strength and not your weakness. Your parents are also to blame for this.
    Often girls with weak parents have to bear with such nonsense.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP,

    Stay strong. Book ticket and go to your parents place, enjoy your vacation there. Dont go to PILS place. Be ready for a fight.

    Take a stand, if you cannot visit your parents, your dh should not visit his parents. Fight for your rights. Stay cool.

    You dont have to prove anyone anything especially those people who dont respect you. Do whatever you think is right. Completely ignore PILS tantrums .

    If you cannot fight for you, no one will be able to help you. Let your dh cry in the corner if he is afraid of his mother.
     
  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s a lot easier to tackle these situations early on when they first happen early in the marriage when there are no children . Somehow Husbands and IL’s don’t mind using children as pawns to get things done their own way. I suspect that is what will happen in your case. If you put your foot down you will be asked to visit your parents without the granddaughter .
    But it’s never too late to show the H and IL’s who the boss is. The first NO will be tough but then on everything will be easy. You will have set new norms and shown to them that you cannot be bossed around.
    Your daughter will appreciate a strong mother that does not take cr*p from anyone. Irrespective of whether you are working or a housewife you have all the right in the world to maintain relationships with your own parents.
    So make that india trip , visit your parents and be very very unapologetic about it. As for the coward you married, let him stay put in his mommy’s pallu.
     
    Vandhuamma likes this.
  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't get intimidated, you yourself said your parents didn't sell you to them , right? Then why behave like a prisoner? Go visit your parents, it's not a crime. Let MIL keep reacting, she will only look bad and cruel in fornt of all.

     
  9. Rakshini

    Rakshini Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Doli
    I feel very sorry for your situation.i can understand your pain.atleast your husband should support you.365 days u take care of ur family just few days with your own parents s genuine.you Ve stand for your self.otherwise it will continue and it will become rule and habit.
    Two ways I can suggest,
    1.explain your husband and try to express your feelings.make him speak to your parents via Skype etc.by which respect and love may develop.through your hubby s route you can ask him to convince his mom.otherwise how he can be happy when wife s longing for parents love
    2.try to express your feelings and if he doesn't understand then show your anger side.become monster like mil.dont give up.if he s not ready to understand then how will ur in law understand.fight and get back your affection from parents

    Parents love s true love.they will even die for their kids well-being.my parents help both me and my sister whenever we needed them.there s no expectations in their love.please don't have these feelings inside you for long.afterall they didn't do any mistakes to deserve such treatment.
    Parents will say to adjust bcos they don't want to spoil your current life.so they wanted to continue.
    Just my ideas.
    Hugs to you
     
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    So true, Parents' love is the most unconditional love. Our parents will even ask us to ignore and neglect them for the sake of our married life and wellbeing. It is never worth to neglect parents for sake of husband/inlaws. Be strong and stand up for your right, otherwise your life will become absolutely miserable in long run. Ofcourse be tactful but unrelenting.

     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018

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