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I have starting hating my husband...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bliss5, Mar 10, 2016.

  1. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

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    Hello friends....
    lets me put my situation in front of you all .........seeking for your precious suggestions!
    I have fights with my husband because of my MIL. He do not say anything when i tell him my problems. I have been telling him about what his mother said... i felt bad etc etc. Once i told him that i will not stay here...i want a separate home. For almost 15 days all drama happened but we did not shift. He never felt anything bad about his mom. I was hurt even when i was 8 months pregnant......There is noone in this house who can share my grief. She has superiorty complex, is o proud, rich and beautiful woman. Her husband i.e. My FIL is at her side every time, he wil not even listen to me in this regard.
    I don't want to stay here in this home ....... i am not happy here.
    I am a teacher... i can get myself transferred from here but then i will have to live alone with my kids 2.5+ and 4.5+ years of age.
    I just hate my husband because of this......When a husband cannot do anything for his wife ......her respect her happiness....what is the point of living with such a .......?
    I have been married for past 5 years .....since then everything else in my life has lost its importance.....everything has come to an end.
    No enjoyment no happiness.......When she comes along with .....he is very happy and enjoys but when we are going out alone with kids .....he is in hurry to come back asap.I have never gone for shopping or movie with him ....even when i try without telling at home......my efforts goes invain 'coz he want to go back soon. I am hating such kind of .......only working at school or at home or looking after kids or clothes or other household work.......lastly when he do not understand what am i going through ....When he values his mother more them me........
    When she hurts me i am not so hurt but when he do not responds to my complaints i just cannot accept it........
    SHOULD I FILL THE TRANSFORM THIS YEAR? AND LEAVE THEM ?
    and live for myself.
    Waiting for your responses!!!!
     
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  2. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    I can see how much you are hurted and wounded from your husband and mil from your post. Do you have parental support? If yes, go to them for a change, discuss with them your problems and what solutions you have. If no, yes, apply for a transfer. Stand up for yourself. Tell your husband you can't live like this forever and you deserve better. Gather as much support as possible from your side of people. Don't give them the illusion of a happy marriage. Unless u tell, nobody would know about your problems and sufferings. Don't think you are alone here, u have your children and they are your strength. We women have more power and emotional strength than we think. Best wishes
     
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  3. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    I am feeling sad that you are also among many ladies of the similar issue ( including me)...

    There are 2 ways to this problem:

    1) Start Living your own life: One best way is to start living life for your own self.. with one major objective.. " I have to be happy" ... its ok if your hubby is a mamma's boy.. most of indian men are... but he is just a part of your life.. not heart of your life... Heart is you yourself.. you are working.. financially independent.. and two lovely kids.. there are so many things around you to enjoy.. why to make your husband eccentric to your happiness... This is the funda which helps me keep cool and njoy.. yes at times I also get sad but that frequency is reducing with time...

    2)Getting separated: This option seems fascinating but it is not.. it comes with so many other issues... like you will have to manage everything alone... your job, home, kids, kids school, shopping etc etc... then you will be occupied with managing all these..Now atleast you have family to support all this... on top of that, atleast your kids are getting love n affection of all family members.. which is very important...

    Personally I believe till the time it totally becomes unbearable to live together(whether physical or mental abuse)... we can still find ways to be happy in the same house.. (though there are many compromises associated)...

    all the best!!
     
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  4. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks....
    You are very true about "the illusion of a happy marriage"..........everyone thinks so and you know he is the beneficiary everywhere ......its his parents for whom he wants me to live here ........his sister her in laws.......his father's relatives ....her mother's relatives.
    I am being good to everyone but for whom ........HUSBAND? his parents his relatives his house ..............but yes the children are mine and they are not for someone's entertainment.
    Regards
     
  5. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

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    True.......he is only a part of my life and i will have to show him that he is not my evrything.......If he does care about me ........he does not deserve anything from my side too......I am not demanding something which is beyond his reach.
    I will not look back at these painful 5 years......My children will become my strength .....i am not afraid of my duties and responsibilities
    Thanks so much
     
  6. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    my dear... no you are good to everyone not for your husband.. once we marry... ideally relatives should be mutual.. but that is not the case with these mama's boyz... so if u wish like you can attend someone.. do it... if not.. let it be... whats d benefit.. if we are upset for days after that... its not its house... its your house as well... get this thing deep in your heart... once you will start feeling this by your own... your attitude will change and hence you will b able to think positively...

    one suggestion from my end.. never impose your grudges on children... let them make their own relation with their father/grand parents.. may be these guys are so good with your children and your kids are getting their love.. which is priceless...
     
  7. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    AS @mcutiepie said, many women face this problem because of mamma boys... I am also one among them....

    Try to avoid the situations which will make you feel low.... For example, if you see both your DH and his mom being together and shows too much care (Drama), just switch on the TV or get involved in some thing of your interest.... You need to show as if whatever they do is a matter to you unless you are involved in their topic!!!....

    Stop complaining about his mom to him for a while.... For him, it will be a usual story from you....

    Try creating situations that will have only you,your DH and kids.... You can make frequent outings/shoppings... He will get involved with you + kids.... No matter, if he urges you to come home soon.... if he urges you too much, tell him, dinner is there at home.... his parents can eat and take rest.... Make him understand that he doesnt need to be afraid to take his wife/kids out.....

    Dont get separated from him unless there is a real need.... This will come under control....
     
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  8. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

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    you are correct but i just cant stand that lady..........i dont know but i feel i should go away from her at any cost let it be my husband............she is taking my peace of mind .....my job, my married life, my kids, my health are suffering when i am upset ;coz of her
    My heart wants to get rid of her ........ i can never be happy when she is around
     
  9. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    Oh dear, if your mother in law, is helping u with kids, when you go to job, acknowledge her in front of your husband. Try all the ways to show your husband that you are treating his mom well and with respect. With time, your husband too will notice. How is your husband otherwise when his mother is not around? Is he caring and living towards you ? If the mil is the only problem in your relationship, I too agree with the above poster here. Give it some more time. Do your husband have siblings? How about your mil and film stay there for awhile? I know you can't directly tell them . But seek ways for it. Otherwise gift a vacation trip for mil and fil. In short look to have some private time and bonding time with your husband and kids as a family. Work on it. If there is more bonding, love and understanding between husband and wife, he may realize the problems his wife is facing and will be ready to solve it. Good luck and best wishes dear
     
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  10. bliss5

    bliss5 Senior IL'ite

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    he is a different kind of a person..........he is very idealistic kind of when it comes to me and my kids.......not allowing to have pizza burgers......even biscuits maagi chocolates and what not.....he wants to have food at home even after an outing.......But his mother is with us ...he will not mind ordering any dam thing......not even care for time ......then nothing will affect
    He wants to have everything from my side only....what is he contributing towards this relationship.....?
    He do not deserve to be with his wife and kids.........for him his family is his parents ...not us
     

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