I don't know what to do?

Hi Luc,

As all others said,you are really blessed with a caring husband and nice in-laws.Juts have a look at the married life forum to get an idea of how many are suffering lacking such people in their lives.Job is really not required for you at this moment.I feel that your job is being useful to you in another way now which is very dangerous to your life.Agreed,that that guy is showing million tons of care on you..but there is a line always not to think beyond that in few relation ships.Just feel him as a good friend and if it is he who is trying hard to attract you in an unwanted way,better you quit your job and live with your husband.It would be very painful for your husband to know that you have another guy in your mind/heart.As others said,imagine yourself in your husband' place and am sure you would be very scared to even visualise it.Distance creates so many problems if any one of the couple is not strong enough to bear the pains.Then in that case better you take a break for some time and enjoy your time with hubby and in-laws.Am sure you will forget that guy.

In case if the guy is also feeling same for you,,do you think he is really good in doing so?how can he be a good person by attracting a married woman..??He would just enjoy the thrill of attracting you to him and then leave you.Please try to get away from him and don't spoil your lovely life.you are the one who need to be very determined to come out of this.I understand that you love your husband a lot..

I have only one question for you now..Don't you want your husband ??

 

For some men its an ego trip to woo committed/married women. Be cautious;do not end up with nothing.

 

luc..
Its just a crush compounded by ur long distance marriage.Can happen to anyone at anytime. It will run its course ..just make sure you dont act on it.
Dont call/cook/meet him .Try to focus on spending more time with ur girl-friends and actively divert your mind.

 

Hi luc,

You are saying you have complicated your life, which is true. Now that you know where your problem lies, you are the only one who can solve it. No IL here would be able to be with you physically and control you, for that matter no body can control others thoughts.

Also, when you said you love your husband , WHAT DO YOU MEAN? To be clear when I say I love my husband, I mean I always think about his happyness, I expect for his calls, his closeness, his love feelings towards me, his commitment towards me, I accept him with all his weeknesses, I let him know what are my week points, I try to be 100% honest with him, what ever I try to do, I do that thinking that I will gain more respect from him by doing it etc etc? What is your meaning of Love dear? I mean I can't see my husband crying even for a single moment, for what ever reason it is, even though if that thing is not in my hands, I will try to get him away from it, and I don't want to see him cry. But you are saying "YOU" made him cry, " YOU" being the reason. How can you do that to a person who you love?

Now the other person, He knows you are married and still he just takes you for granted? Don't you see something fishy there. Do you think he respects you? really? Be strong, I agree that such kind of things happen in everybody's life. What matters the most is how you are handling it , that will decide what you will get in your life. Think about youf life, your husband, your in laws, most of all your parents, who are respecting you thinking that they have given birth to a girl with good morals and responsibilities. Nothing seems a major problem to you, if you have these priorities.

 

Luc, I really appreciate that you have openly told what is going on in your mind.
I cant say that your friend is bad or taking advantage on you. cooking , going out for shopping is not wrong when you do for friends(that is group of friends) but doing exclusively for him is completely wrong. Its absolutely crush. Try to avoid in the beginning itself, definitely you need companion, that's the best medicine to stop this crush. So, I would recommend you to find job in your husband's place. if you are in Software Industry, this should not be problem. you have long way to go, you have to face lots of challenges in future, so, get rid of this silly crush and live with your husband.

 

luc,
This might be termed as lust.... is he that handsome?
You say that you love your husband a lot.. ,Btw do you know the meaning of love??:rant
And, one thing is that, at this age, these lust feelings may crop up but ultimately, its understanding and warmth that your DH gives is going to stand till the last... believe this or not, this is the universal known fact...
so, coming to this guy, does he care for you? did he do things that made you happy or smile atleast?? if not then are you at his back?? check this...:roll:
And what is this long distance relationship with your DH? without peace in life? what for are you earning then? dont you have goals such as raising a family, saving for your kids etc?? then please check.. what you are upto....

Come out of this before its too late. only you can help yourself in this...things have not gone so far.. so take control of the situation before its too late..

Take Care

 

The best solution for this issue :
Take that extra step and get close to this guy. Follow your feelings and see how far you can go.
Everything has a peak or limit.
I think once you reach that limit, when your infatuation or feelings are satisfied and done justice, then you might start to revert back to your husband.
On this process ,if you realise that this so called guy also has mutual feelings for you, then try to pursue him. Give him a chance .I knew one of my friend/co worker who had the same kind of feelings for another co worker(even though she was happily married with kids) .she was so miserable forver, then one day she decided to cross the safety line and got closer to him inspite of all our advices. but within a short period of time 'things' became saturated, they separated and she was back to being herself again!!! & the guilt she carries with her until today is tremendous and she is so loyal/slavelike to her husband now !!! but atleast nothing major happened , she is still married , has gotten over that guy and things back to normal.
I think you should do it also/ Good Luck

 

check if you can do any of these things

1. take 1 week leave and go to your DH's place.do not think about anything and spend time with him.
2.ask your parents or any of your close relatives to come and stay with you.you may rent a house and stay with them near your work place.this way you put a check on yourself and do not make yourself available to him
3.if possible change your project or ask for a transfer to a different location where you cannot meet these common friends
4.limit your conversation with this guy or when you feel that you are in his company just call your husband and start talking.its ok to miss your friends and always talk with husband -afterall life is more important than friendship

 

simply think if only your DH was getting attracted to anyother girl. how would you feel. this feeling itself is enough for you to STOP thinking about this other guy Good Luck!!
its ok you had crush on this guy, its no sin. but dont think too much about a crush and make it complicated.