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I am sooo very angry

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by swt.charu, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you inboxsweetee... very sweet of you indeed ..

    thank you for the encouragement...
     
  2. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    @Shanvy

    A million thanks to you for the pdf ...

    I am at office and just wanted to sample it but have completed half of it...

    the first page had me in tears and page 13 made me laugh.

    If I were to read this book with a marker pen in hand, I would have colored the entire book a florescent pink by the time I finished reading because I relate to each and ever word in the book...

    Let me finish reading it, ponder over it, pick something concrete and doable and act on it (the last one being the acid test)
     
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  3. fariha

    fariha New IL'ite

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    This is so true.
    I literally quit doing everything for my son including my husband too and it worked.
    My son has become responsible now at least if not the other one.shakehead

    Forgot to mention that along with that I started praising the other neighborhood kids (their qualities e.g. When at garden, if his friend shows a stunt I don't miss this chance to be amazed at that , no matter if it was not up to the mark. Looking at my amazement, my son too tried impressing me with the same thing and I too praised him for that so that he is encouraged.) who were smart pretending that it has not got anything to do with him.
    And I tried creating an impression in his mind of what is good and righteous i.e. liked by others. This way if he has become conscious of his activities that he chooses to do and avoid being called a bad boy.
     
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  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    I really feel you have a gifted child in your DS. His understanding and grasp in that discussion is far beyond his years. I feel one of the main reasons for your problems is that regular school is too easy for him and now he is bored and not engaged enough. The thing with such kids is that the development is not uniform in all the fields, they exceed expectations in some fields ( gifted in that as compared to peers of his age) and be below normal or still learning in others (esp in routine kind of stuff like self care). As a mother you will have to step in -in those areas- till he crosses that gap.

    I really suggest you get his IQ test done, based on that the counselor will suggest some good challenging classes ( out of school, or during summer) that you can enroll him in to keep him interested and motivated as well some good, fun and engaging ways (through games, etc) in which to bridge the areas in which he is lacking.

    As to remembering to print things out and brushing teeth etc, I have no solutions. Kids mature and become independent at different ages. Gender also matters. I too have sworn 'never again ' till I was blue in the face, made firm resolution to leave the kids to their devices, etc only to hurry to rally to their side at the very next crisis. The good news is that this stage doesnt last forever. At some point in the preteen or teenage years it will click for them once and for all.

    And another thing I can assure you is that dont worry that your words are not falling on deaf ears- he will repeat each and every one of your words back to you even years later much to your shock, it just takes time for it to click for them and put it into action.
     
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  5. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you @1sandhya...

    Thank you for the assurance.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Swt.charu

    Do something about this matter as early as possible. I just read your thread, and amazed at the descriptions that you have given about your son. I could visualize my husband- who is also a lazy dreamer- as a child while reading each and every sentence you wrote above.

    He was nurtured this way. MIL was saying that H would demand 5 items in his lunch box, else he won't go to school.
    MIL tried to give them all the time. But there were days when she was unable to provide. But then, H would demand that he won't go to School.
    Fearing this, MIL did what he demanded.
    Once when she tried to let him sit at home, and go back when he is ready. She was tired of saving him from the punishments, but this time, she let him face what he desired for.
    But then, he became habituated to such punishments, and never bothered about. Never felt ashamed to stand outside or teacher's scoldings.
    So, either way, he did not change.

    Instead of making a change, my MIL would do what is demanded by her son. In your case, it is a print out. In my MIL's case it was a different thing.
    But the core point is, the kid wasn't responsible for what he is doing. He made others responsible. He was successful at that too.

    My H grew up like this. In his adulthood, he didn't rush himself towards a job. When all his peers were working, he was finding faults in each company. He dreamt of making a change, and joining a new company which is fault-less.
    Until then, he was shamelessly eating from his parents.
    His dad tried to stop funding for him. But then he was shameless to say lies and get money from his friends/dad's friends.
    To prevent him from going on debts, his dad continued to fund him.
    Once when they cut all his funding sources, and made him earn his money.
    That's when he met me. I gave him a job, made him earn. Because he is highly qualified.
    I made a good financial source as his wife. He is thankful to his wife for that.
    Even his parents always wanted to secure some finances for their son, so that he won't face any dark days.
    MIL's all the 3 sons were like this only. Blame her upbringing.
    Their elder son is now settled, because he married me.
    Their selection criteria for the other 2 sons were strange. Because they never wanted a potential bride, but a good funding source.
    Their sons' were bachelors, but their parents were ok for any divorcee or widowed women, that too a light age difference (old). As long as these women were able to meet their financial requirement, they were ok with the other qualities.
    Because they knew their sons can never take the responsibilities of their lives.
    What a heck... But yes, I blame the parents for this.
     
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  7. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you SGBV.. I see where you are coming from...

    Have chosen a few corrective plans first to my behaviour and influencing my son differently.. Let's see where this goes..

    Have started another thread named positive parenting..to see where I am heading as a parent...

    fingers crossed
     
  8. diva31

    diva31 Guest

    hello! I have read your post. I would say this is a life of almost every parent. This is not an easy phase at all. you should be prepared for it already. this happens to me almost every day in a different way. But I would say that just go with it. You would miss all of this once your children will be grown-ups. I know that for the moment you can't control your anger ut its okay. this happens with everyone who is a parent. I am also a mother of six kids. and I can relate to every mother's story. Best of luck everyone!
     
  9. brindhaGanesans

    brindhaGanesans New IL'ite

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    Dear shanvy mam

    Sailing in the same boat as OP. Unable to open the URL of ebook attached. Requesting you resend again.

    Many thanks
    Brindha
     

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