I am sooo very angry

@swt.charu

Remember i suggested you to go for a evaluation if your son's school has a counsellor or a help desk for differently abled. now now, don't push the panic button.. i was just trying to think back, and i remembered this thread too..

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...918-comprehension-problems-my-son-aged-2.html

Though there is a syndrome called lazy kid syndrome i don't think that would apply to your kiddo..going by my feeling, i would have him evaluated for executive functions..since he is going to hit puberty this is the time you need to check if your kiddo needs help. let me tell you, there is nothing wrong in seeking help, your boy will appreciate it later..

few months back, a few of our friends were discussing the executive function disorder and how it is sometimes mis interpreted as adhd..i am not an expert but some of the things you talk make me think on those lines too.

since i do not have the time to discuss in detail what i mean by executive functions i am just giving you a link for a little clarity..

Difference Between ADHD and Executive Function Disorder


another angle in the next post.. do not want to confuse both.

 

@swt.charu i still stand by what i mean your son being a little confused and his laid back lazy attitude reflects his needing that power of control over the four of you.

it is not that he cannot do, it is more about he does not want to do. For ex. not talking about homework through out the whole week, not doing anything about it.
do you think, he is stringing you, knowing that it would frustate you and make you lose control..,

do you appreciate and motivate him more to do the things he is really motivated. now that he has moved forward with maths how about both of you trying to do some maths puzzle together or as a family. doing word puzzles as a part of everyday activities..

when my kids were small, i was smothered with responsibilities and chores that to get some time to do lessons or anything was hard. we used to have fun while i cut vegges, chopped greens or washed dishes. they got involved and also felt that their mom was attentive. we had loads of fun. talking about school, stories, feelings and more.

and nighttimes were about reading a book together or discussing something that they need to talk about..in a friendly way. nothing to do with studies, school. something fun..no asking about homework, marks or anything..just being him and you.

you know there are few kids who are motivated to do nothing. in that kind of situations you need to stay calm, be patient..because the more you scream,scold, or yell it is going to work reverse.

so if he fails doing a job, leave it unnoticed. if he does do the job, appreciate. he needs to realise that he has choice of doing things in a way.

 

Dear Charu
Reading your subsequent posts got a better idea about the problem and your frustration.
It seems you have a two fold problem with discipline. For the child as well as the adults.
First thing you should do is to talk to your husband and decide to stand united all agreement and disagreement about methods should be discussed minus the kid. When one parent says something other should not contradict otherwise the child will play you one against the other.
Grandparents are rather difficult, but they also have the welfare of the kid at heart. try to explain them that they can comfort him but not undermine your command. Like if you say No TV, They can say it is too bad , but he has to abide by it.
Even if they dont fall in line you and your husband can band together.

Now, seems you have a pretty smart child. So do not stay mad . I suggest you sit with him and explain the rules. Then ask HIM what punishment or rewards should be given to him, and then stick to them. No need to rant and rave but quietly and firmly stick to whatever is agreed.
Stopping the pocket money, restricting TV/ computer/ Game console time has worked for me. You have to figure out what he likes and go accordingly. He will be more cooperative when he is part of the system.
You are a smart caring capable mom of a smart kid, just frustrated now. This venting is ok. I am sure you will work out a compromise and keep your sanity.
God Bless.

 

typical lazy dreamer..lol..(tamizhla nogama nongu edukaravangannu paeru..)

I would have taken that to emphasise that to develop such a wm he needs to work hard, understand concepts accept loads of trial runs and then learn to sell what is so special about his machine that some x will buy it. even if his dad is the best sales person, he needs to sell the machine to him first so that he can be convinced.. and that you believe that he/sonny boy can definitely do it if and only if he is a little more focussed and hardworking.

enlist yourself with better tools to motivate. no screaming, no complains, no criticism and no what will become of him..(live your life a little..yes we are parents but we are adults and entitled to fun and life for self..)

one of the reasons i tell you ask for a external help because somebody who will assess him in person will be able to help you a lot better especially with a husband who is refusing to look at the issue and is in denial. you can also enlist the help of his teachers.

i went through my bookmarks, as i had a memory of a pdf that had lots of suggestions..it was shared by a counselor long time back in a group..
see if it helps..
http://behavior-coach.com/EbookMotivatingVer3.pdf

you may check inktalks and watch them with him. especially the ones like..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxS5He3KVEM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1-qvjPqaJ0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMPqsjuXDmE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4_MeS6SOwk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFExgTJzEV4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx9v_J34Fyo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVSzJsNEBtU

Oh I can go on and on..but let me ..

 

Calm down , Sit , relax for a while .

This is life everyone will have good and bad days just control to react and take it same way both ... Eventually everything fall in place.

Believe me you are good mother and your child is a child let him enjoy the childhood . Not lectures will work ... for kids..

You just take a break and think how our parents would have handles us ...

Just that this is your time and you can do it well. Be happy

 

@swt.charu
believe me i was a wee bit worried, to use that term, but i thought it fits the whole behaviour pattern ...

btw me and my kids watch a lot of inktalks, some of them are so inspiring. the one about srikanth bolla definitely inspired my son.so who knows..

you never know who will inspire whom or what..that moment of time, that just has to happen and then there is no turning point..it happens to most of us.. keep working on it..and a few rocky mountains and rocks inspired my boy towards his career selection..

i know it is a very tiring, frustrating journey, here is what you should do..think of some of us who had to battle with more than than this laziness..