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I Am In Depression

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by soni1987, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Ladies,

    How are you all?

    Life update... I forgive my husband for lying to me multiple number of times for going to Thailand without informing me. Anyhow i came out from that depression and started a life with him.

    Still after all this he has not changed a bit, as a husband he is very loving, caring, good father etc. But every 5 to 6 months he want to go with his friends out of country. Last time we were in India and he went locally somewhere with his friends, which i didn't mind much.

    Recently he went another country for 4 days. First he told me that travel is with friends, later they cancelled their trip. But he has one of his old friend in that country, so he decided to go alone to enjoy and meet his friend. Until the last day i kept on asking him, did he inform his friend about his visit, answer was yes!

    After reaching, he is telling me that his friend is out of country for some emergency. I felt really bad. All this 4 days he was alone in hotel room and did site seeing all alone. I sense something wrong because every night from 10 pm to 2 pm his phone used to be not reachable or switch off. Many of my friends warned me about the place illegal issues.. such as ladies availability etc.

    I was also having public holidays during these days. Also i suggested him that I can come with you with my son. We can enjoy together. (also i am broad minded to go for parties, drinking & smoking) so he don't have to bother on that part. Still he paid deaf hear to my suggestions.

    Now he is back and i don't feel like talking to him. If feeling depressed. Every time i start forgetting everything and come back to life. He leave me along go for this type of trips again and again.

    Sometimes i feel, i m overreacting. Do i need counselling?
     
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  2. deepthylakshmi

    deepthylakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Friend... This is not over reaction.. this is normal only.. better have an eye!. Get information from his friends / mobile etc.. At times i also feel why should we do that.. but really it is required!
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you ever looked into his passport ? There will be stamps for arrivals and departures from all countries. Check that out to see where he has been.
    If you are having intimate relations with someone, and suspect that someone is also going to professional ladies, you need to talk to your doctor and learn how to protect yourself from any disease transmission.
    good luck.
     
  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't think you are over reacting neither in need of counselling.

    I think your dh really, really wants to go on his vacations, either alone or with his friends. But why, that desperately?

    Two things: either he desperately has the need to get away from his family (since he likes going with his friends, n even alone but doesn't take you) or he has ladies weakness (since you are ok with drinking, smoking, partying but still doesn't include you).

    Had a friend who was in a similar situation who frequently goes to thailand, goa alone or with his guy friends. Figured out he hooks up with women there. Big big fight happend, nothing changed. He still goes, they are still together, but she doesn't care anymore n does her stuff.

    Few options for you:
    Try talking to him about only you two going on these vacations. Leave your kids with the grandparents.

    Or send him for counselling.
    Or together go for marriage counselling.

    or talk heart to heart n share your feelings n understand his need to go on this trip.
    If the talks are pointless, make a hugeee deal about it with his family where they interfere n stop him.

    Or either dump him or accept him and you do what you want. Since he shows no signs of changing based on the past.

    Basically you need to make a choice about how you want to handle this n not lose your mind about it. You need to be strong.
     
    anika987, poovai, sindmani and 3 others like this.
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP if he is simply going Thailand (why Thailand) for fun with his male friends, you can ask him to take you and kids next time.

    If not, if you suspect anything else , like fun with other ladies, how can one live with a cheating husband like this. Just for the sake of marriage!! I am not able to understand how a wife can accept it and do what one want or live her life. He is simply using her status as a wife. But he wants all the fun out side marriage. He do this because he think his wife will protect him and will be with him for ever.

    Ask him if he is ready to sent you alone to other country for having fun with other men. I am sure he wont. Anyway please make sure you dont get any STD's. I can understand how uncomfortable this thought itself is.

    OP, you are the only one who knows what you can accept or not. You only can decide whether you can stay with him for the rest of the life like this or live a life of self respect alone. If you cannot accept this behavior, let all the family know about it. Don't protect him. How can he be a good father. What message is he giving to his kids.

    Be strong.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
  6. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    sorry op, looks like your husband is one of those people who needs excitement outside family once in a while . some men and women are wired this way, they can't be monogonous .. your nagging or sulking or any therapy won't help. instead negotiate a solution where he can take one outside holiday a year with his pals or alone and one or two with you and your kid. dont let this bring down ur confidence .
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    He cheats because he knows he has a wife who will ' forgive ' him and call him a very loving husband and father.
    He has a wife who buys him shirts after he goes ' whore shopping ' with his friends.
    He does this because he is sure you have no options.

    Either have the guts to leave his effing ass or stop caring about him. Let him eff around and catch some disease. You don' t touch his filthy body.

    Get yourself some professional help girl. This guy is not worth loosing your mind over.Save it for yourself and your child.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op ,you should have packed your bags and moved out the first time he cheated. May be then there was a chance ...but you have allowed him to get away with this many times.

    Now he is bolder and doesn't give an **** about what you feel or how it effects your marriage.

    You can try threatening divorce but then he will cry and you will again give him his next chance knowing very well that he is a lying ,cheating piece of ****. What is the use? He knows he can get away with this.

    Hugs to you. I feel really bad for you and your child.:(
     
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  9. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear op,

    Have you ever asked him why does he go along with his friends so often on trips?
    Did you guys go out anytime on family vacations earlier?
    I suggest you to sit and discuss with him on why does he prefer friends over family? while i feel there is nothing wrong going on trips with friends.. i have a problem betraying the family and going on vacations with friends often.. I agree when your husbands goes on vacation so often with friends ignoring family a sense of doubt arising is so obvious... But clear the air talking to him than really assuming things for yourself:) Are the friends he goes out often not owning family? what kind of friends is he often making trips with... This situation is little tricky to handle.. I would suggest that you sit down..Try to find out if you could get more background of his friends and trips and have a detailed discussion with him when he is in a ideal state of mind:) Good luck!
     
  10. KavyaKMV

    KavyaKMV New IL'ite

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    I think you should get a group of ladies and head to Vegas or Goa - someplace fun. Dump the kids on your husband. Think he needs to feel exactly how you feel so he stops hurting you.
     
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