I am guilty!

Hi Bhuvnidhi,

I am doing two things. First, getting up early, preparing all food, feeding kids and finishing all house chores and leave for the work (without bidding him 'goodbye') as per my schedule (last time, it was looking for the car, today, it was seeing the GP for formal concerns ) by the time he gets up. Secondly, Sleeping with my daughter before he arrives.

He is really very annoyed. He is quiet and silent. He had expressed his frustration in front of my 14 years old boy yesterday. But in the morning, again, he kept quiet. He has started packing up his lunch box himself and going to work.

I do not look at him while I am at home. I keep focused on my work or pretend sleeping. But he is there all the time in my thoughts. The way he talked to me unreasonably, the way he blamed and humiliated me, the way he reacted, etc. I was seeing some of his pics of his in my mobile. I could not find any love in his eyes even in the photographs that I had taken during calm times.

Maybe, because of the situation that I am going through, it may be the selective perception of mine. May God give the strength and courage to all my family members to surpass this odd time and may we all be able to establish "love and understanding" for one another. After all, if he has different kind of weakness, I feel, I too have some kind of weakness that is not allowing me to direct the family to my desired path.

Thank you Bhuvnidhi for your concern once again.

I wish a very lovely day to all my IL friends.

 

Thanks Brother,

I am trying to be 'a nice woman'. Thank you for sharing your belief.

 

Thank you dear.

Though, it does not seem easy as I had thought that doing so many things and ignoring him till he feels that something needs to be 'resolved'.

He did not take his lunch box today with him. I really feel like to phone him and tell him, "okay, forget everything. If you could not take my responsibility, that is still understandable, but why are you punishing yourself? Please take at least your responsibility and make your self happy at least.

Either allow me to live in your love or allow me to live in the disappointment for you. It is hard to see you emotionally blackmailing me while I am disappointed. Please do continue your behavior even when I am disappointed. At least, I would be able to feel assured that my disappointment is true and correct.

I dont want to think about him. I want to concentrate on plans that I have made to prosper and develop my individual self. But I am still thinking about him.

I would very much pray the God to be with him when I am not there with him. To look after him, when I do retreat from doing this action. And if ever I do any wrong thing, may God direct me towards right path. May God give me enough strength and courage to remain firm with my decisions and plans. For the first time, in such situation, I am not depressed because of my IL friends support. For the first time, in such situation, I have done something that has made me confident because of my lovely IL angels. I heartily thank you all once again and look forward for the things to get settle in my life. Thanks.

 

Thank you dear pman for your lovely suggestions and best wishes. I would help. Thanks once again.

 

I would keep my fingers crossed to see what you said on this page being blessed by God in real life. Thank you Ganaraya.

 

Sometimes, the emotions sound like a burden.

My husband spoke loudly to my son that his car is broken out and needs to be fixed up, maybe, it would be very very costly to have it fixed or maybe, the car would get right-off and he would need to buy a new car.

Morally, I felt that it would not be ideal if I did not offer him that he can use my car.

I know, what he would be feeling.

He may be feeling that "Everything has been running calm. I look after the external affairs. I do not force her to earn. I try to do as much as I can do for the house. She still creates the problem. If I would give her response, she may expect more". However, I think, that I have always coordinated with his and his family needs. He has never supported me and try to know what I really want. I have been contributing lot of my time for the family. Everything goes well unless I work controlling my emotions and expectations. If I ever open my mouth and speak out my expectation, he would ignore them or would show that being fulfilled in the future. The day is not coming closer when I can see that he sat with me to hear my feelings. Everytime, what ever I did, I always felt lonely and him not being with me. On the other hand, I have been always with him. In all his tasks. Being his strength, adding values in his and his family's life.

He kept quiet and did not react nor response and just turned his face when I gave him the car keys.

I thenafter went to sleep.

But I keep on thinking. Thinking what did I sow that is not fructifying in the relations.