I am guilty!

Great Job done pat your back that you have not buckled under the pressure and all his antics do not elicit any response form you now! Trust me , if you had done this earlier he would have changed his ways, maybe!
Even now better late than never, if you did shout at him is you must give yourself the fact it has been bottled up all these years! No need to apologise , yes , it might have shocked your son , but he too, sweetie, will for sure stand by you!

 

IBC,

Loving your husband does not mean you should not stand for yourself. there is something called self respect, that need not be trampled in the name of love and adjusting to culture. no culture actually calls for such sacrifices and remember you are not your mother, you are you and you cannot always wonder what your mother would do.. tell me if it were your daughter what would you want her to do.. just accept the abuse, or stand up for herself.. remember times change, and thing are never the same.

i agree that your son should not have been witness to this. but tell me at this age, would he not realise that there is something that is different from what he sees, what he observes outside.so you can talk to him, tell him if he has any problems with regards to what is happeining in the family. not that you should complain or talk ill of his dad. you need to find out what he thinks because you never know, with your submissive behaviour and your dh's i care a d*** attitude you may have already taught him something that is defined culture...(sorry if it was uncalled for) so you need to have a heart to heart with your kiddo who would now be a confused young man/child who does not know how to react.

Few years down the lane, your son may even tell you, "MOM you have wasted and sacrificed your life thinking that it is the best for us"..you never know..

So stand up..you showed him that you have a backbone and let him simmer in it. nothing wrong. you can always make his box, and leave it at the place from where he takes it. if he does not it is his loss..

take care...

 

sorry for the delay in response. take a few days to work things out in your own mind, first. i would strongly suggest you attend a class in assertiveness training. find your own voice. speak up and stand up for yourself. respect yourself. expect the same from the world around you. don't mix it up with ego and selfishness. just the basic, common courtesy and respect we all need to give each other.

i wrote about really talking to him, because i sense you need some validation from him. as a spouse, as a partner. whatever his response may be, it will give you closure for having tried this approach.

 

Dear IBC,

Pleased that you could assert yourself. You seem mature and confident. Introspecting, it has been ingrained in our youth to be a good tolerant wife, these behaviors which we carry on without asserting ourselves until they become overbearing. And if we retaliate, we feel guilty and try to compensate which the spouse takes advantage of. What we need to overcome is our feelings of guilt. As for the children, I am sure your older one will sense something. You need to tell your child what is right and wrong rather than apologising. The child needs to understand rationally. There are many women who are entangled into this web and find it difficult to look at the brighter side or find a way out . You seem to be optimistic and confident and independant so you have an edge over many! Sure you will find a way.

 

IBC , How is your hubby's reaction today?I read in your previous post that you did not run behind him to give the lunch.How did he react in the evening?