1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Husbands taking care of kids and wife pursuing her career far away

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vaidehi71, Aug 31, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,176
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for taking time to reply.

    I do agree with the problems of long distant relationship. But the loyality I am not sure why you brought up the reason to be being together. First and foremost the loyality is for both the couple and I find it most amazing we only talk about the guy's loyality in most of the threads. A guy would expect the same from his wife. I have full trust with my dh and so does he. I don't have to bring my personal things to point how we know it. For any partner to be disloyal it can happen when they remain together under the same roof, not necessarily separated.

    I thank you for your response, but atleast I am sure how to avoid complications in my relationship with dh, we had enough to begin with and it is something like we say in tamil, pudam potta thangam pola. It is not about making money or financial benefits I am talking here, it is about a passion.

    I do have a passion ( my soul searching work) and my dh understood it and we are quite comfortable with it and I find it that there are more of negative thinking among Indians. One thing for sure the answer I receive have made me think how forward thinking we are.......

    I did post this thread to see the reaction and mostly the response tends to be not do so as you have suggested.

    Well I have my opinion a bit different in this regard. I think I am a really different person but I do have a very understanding dh and I reciprocate the same to him.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Vaidehi
     
  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    32,949
    Likes Received:
    25,784
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Vaidehi dear I understood that you both are abroad and only few hours difference because you had written that you visit him whenever necessary.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    406
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    As I said, it is between you two. I personally think it is not good to take love for granted - things always change with time. It is another thing that with a disloyal person, things won't work even if you are right next to them. If your husband is totally okay with this arrangement, then it's your call. But then, what about your kids? There may be a time in future when you would look back and feel that you lost that time with them and nothing can make up for it, did you think about that angle? If you think that you have to pursue your passion, then it's your call, you should not even be posting a question on it, because the judgement is yours, not others. I am not the passionate type at all and I am discovering now that it is not a good trait at all, keeping and pursuing a passion is very important because it empowers oneself, striking a balance is even more difficult, but if possible, it should be done - that is my take. Please follow your passion, but also try, if possible, to do it without affecting your family time. I would say don't go for anybody's suggestions, other than your husband and kids. His opinion and the kids are utmost important, not others.

     
  4. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,176
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    I think the question you have asked I have answered already when someone else asked the same.
    So it was a decision which did involve the kids having their say..
    For example when the kids are under the roof of caring parents who are separated just for the sake of their career will be better and well behaved and have good overall picture of the family, than kids who live with parents who have lots of misunderstandings but live under the same roof stating the kids sake.
    That's my opinion.

    As regards to passion, I do not want to further state my career thoughts here. It is for me, we as a couple are happy and share the same with the kids. They do understand the meaning of family.

    Thanks for replying
     
    sindmani likes this.
  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    923
    Likes Received:
    757
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I know 3 cases where the wife stayed in a different city/different country for 2 years or so for further studies and enhanced job prospects..In 2 cases the couple did not have kids so it was ok, they could visit each other during vacations..But there was a lot of opposition from inlaws and they could proceed only with support from their husbands..
    In one case the lady was married and had a kid..due to some financial reasons she felt that she needed to do masters from a reputed inst. in another city..Her DH and in laws supported her and looked after the kid..she also visited her family whenever she had time..She finished her masters' and got a very lucrative job..she has really grown in her career and has got so many onsite opportunities..sometimes she travels for months together and her husband and inlaws manage the kid and household..her husband's job doesnt require travel so they manage...
     
  6. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,176
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for sharing.

    It is really nice to hear such positive changes and the extended family coming in to help as well.

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    4,463
    Likes Received:
    8,958
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear vaidehi,
    By chance I went through the thread only today and worthy responses.I don't know how I missed.It is good thing that there is perfect understanding between the couples.This happened to me in 1966,when I got promotion and was transferred to Bombay,my husband not yet promoted.We had no children by then.One year I was staying in Bombay in a ladies' hostel.

    Appaa!i can't describe the gossips, rumours and unsolicited advices through posts, telegrams. So much of black mailing.Not even a single day passed without mental struggle.After 15 months I gave up my promotion and gave my consent for reversion and posting to madras back.After our office accepted my request, next day my husband 's request for transfer to Bombay ,applied a year back was accepted and he was posted to Bombay. My office people were not agreeable to withdraw the order.I came back to madras.My husband was on continuous leave for one month and saw to it that his tfr to Bombay was cancelled,.If I had not done that, my life would have been devasted.But present day situation many men are considerate and take equal part in domestic duties and rearing up children.It is a welcome change.
    My daughter /her husband and children are in Singapore.In Singapore, for boys army traing is a must after plus Two.My daughter wanted to get Australian citizenship for her and kids while my son-in-law is well employed in Singapore.My daughter with her two kids lived in Sydney from may 2011 to july 2015 and after getting Australian citizenship has come back to Singapore.They intend educating children in Australia.After 2009 my daughter never came to India because of 4yr regulations. After 7 long years she is visiting us tomorrow for a week leaving kids with her husband.She had to manage alone in Australia, sending kids to school, purchasing a house, car etc etc.Now she has given the unit for rent, sold the car and settled back.I have to talk to her a lot-all stories of 7years.I will be taking off from IL for ten days.
    World is changing and we have to change giving due respects to women and their career.Sorry for my delayed response.

    jayasala 42
     
  8. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,176
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    @Jayasala42

    Mami,

    Thanks for your response.

    It is a pleasure to see your response. It is good to know that your daughter was here as well. I am carrying on with my work, with God's help and my husband, kids cooperation. We need understanding between couples to do so, and the advice we get are innumerous. But we need to have clear understanding of how to lead our lives and our goals. Have a nice time with your daughter and her family.

    Thanks for giving a nice response.
    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page