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Husbands taking care of kids and wife pursuing her career far away

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vaidehi71, Aug 31, 2015.

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  1. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    I would like to know the answers for eg, where the dh is taking care of kids as well working and the wife is allowed to pursue her dream career far away.
    Let's say it is prolonged commitment about 2-3 years and the wife will visit the dh about 4-5 times a years ( lets say about 4-5 weeks a year).

    anyone have similar experience? If so how do you cope with the long distance relationship?

    I am sure there are plenty of logistical problems with this situation. Financial and flying to and fro which is part and parcel of the situation. Can't get any help from wife at times of need like when kids are sick etc. No friends or family help available as well. Also the kids missing their mother is another serious issue.

    Let's say it is a real life scenario, I would like frank opinion on this situation.
    Guys are welcome to give their input. Will you allow your partners the freedom to pursue their dreams?
     
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  2. adinil

    adinil Silver IL'ite

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    hi vaidehi,,a nice questin raised by you
    i am also i the same scenario...i have 9 yrs of exp and my carrer has slow down due to pre pregnancy kid etc and now i am not able to find a good role in job that will suit me also i wont be able to move outside mumbai for job search as i have a small kid...i am also seeking the advice...

    in between i have thougts if i get a good job in pune i will go there taking my dd and my mom but somw how the plan is not working
     
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  3. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    You can pursue ur career as ur mum is around to help you.
    Carry on with the search and wish you all success
     
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  4. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    How old are the kids ?
     
  5. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    It's very common in our community in Kerala. Many people I know, including my cousins, lead such a life style. Majority of them are in nursing profession in different parts of the world. ( 3 cousins are here in KL too ). It was easier to get job for a nurse in Europe or US for the last generation. It was husband who managed the house and looked after children. Husbands are educated but given up their profession for the benefit of the family.
     
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  6. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. I have seen that as well. Glad to hear that it is not uncommon scenario and that the husbands are able to look after the family and wives are able to pursue their career.
    @cool10
    Kids are not that young but still in schools ( middle year)
     
  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP: your original post is wondering about the marital relationship but I would be concerned with the relationship with the kids. If the father cares for the kids but the kids feel abandoned by the mother, they may start to hate her. Kids are not concerned about dream jobs.
     
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  8. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for the input.
    As far as marital relationship is concerned that would be fine if the partners are understanding.

    I don't think that the kids would feel abandoned because there is always the practical discussion and awareness among kids here. Moreover they are much more independent than in our home country. We do send kids from age 12 onwards to camping to school for atleast a week where they learn how to live without the parents and no contact over phone etc. They are happy and they do not miss the parents.

    This situation if reversed that is the dh is going overseas for his career and the wife has to stay at home with the kid due to financial or oherwise, we are acceptable and agreeable. There never raises the question that the kids would feel abandoned by their father, because the wife makes sure they understand the family situation. Moreover there is always ( atleast most of the advice) suggestions that it is in the best interest of the family that the guy is going abroad and you should think practically etc.

    If the kids are understanding and the husbands are agreeable why can't that situation be acceptable.

    When we girls give up our career and also let husbands go overseas for years, when there is a situation to continue their career why is hard so? Why do we think negatively always when the answer can be positive for the family.
     
  9. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Is this a real scenario for you ? Or for someone else? or a theoretical question currently?
     
  10. Socialbee

    Socialbee Silver IL'ite

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    Its easier said than done. I don't know how the husband or the kids would feel. But I would definitely feel abandoned :p
     
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