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Husbands Partial Nature

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Worldtraveller, Feb 21, 2018.

  1. Worldtraveller

    Worldtraveller Junior IL'ite

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    mu husband just cares for his sister and his parents . He always make sure he calls them on time, send them expensive gifts any occasion he would know what to do and he even tries to go out of the way to make a relationship with his sister husband- tries to be nice to him send him messages call him regularly etc etc

    My side- he acts cold.. my sister sends so many gifts to us but he would never say to return her something .. never tries to call my sister husband by himself - he is instead very cold to them replies to his message in one line , end the conversation in one sentence and never do anything by himself and act dumb as if he does not know anything about gift giving and traditions .. but his side he will find reasons to give them and all of a sudden knows all the customs of gift giving

    His sister never sends any gift to us not even to my kids but he compares that to my sister sending gifts to our kids ... so instead of saying that my sister sent a gift and we should return her something he says that your sister sent a gift to kids we should be sending it to his sister kid.. I feel like I’m banging my head up against the wall trying to explain him or question him about this logic
    I’m very furious , angry and dissatisfied and tried to have a conversation with him multiple times but all leading to fights.. he finds reasons or logics like above to dismiss me and we end up with huge fights all the time... what can I do???

    How do I handle this unfair situation ? I feel that my side of the family gives us a lot more including my parents and even my sister , but somehow his sister is more important and get all the favors ..
     
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  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    All husband use this type of genius logic. Better you accept the truth to avoid disappointment .
    Treat your family as you want, let him treat his family as he wants. Dont try to convince him .
     
  3. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    If you are working then you can easily take care of the gifting part for your FOO..Even if not working try saving here and there and buy something for them..its the gesture that truly matters not the cost. Learn from your H..He doesnt need your validation to gift his people..Follow the same..You make your side of people happy for all the love they give you...Dont waste time in making him understand your POV..
     
  4. preethignan

    preethignan Silver IL'ite

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    As long as he doesn't expect you or force you to gift his sister or maintain good relations with her then it's absolutely fine .You cannot expect him to be the same to your sister 's husband. It mostly doesn't work out like that.You keep gifting your side relations and maintaining good rapport with them as much as possible. Stop expecting from him.You will be more at peace.
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    Blood is always thicker than water or anything. As long as your DH is not abusive and loves you and cares for you. Enjoy with your family. :)
     
  6. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Almost every husband is like this. It is very futile to make him understand ur POV. Let him do what he wants. U do what u want. When u r newly married these things pinches u hard, After few years you will start ignoring these things.
     
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  7. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    U have to talk to him and tell him that he has to treat ur family good too.. gifts u do what u want but as per respect he has to.treat his family side the same way as he does to show him how it feels..
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    as everyone said, you gift whatever you want to your family. In todays world and with themselves working, women do not depend on H's opinion to gift or care their family specially when they do not.

    We have similar situation. My H does not respond to my family's phones or respect my cousins give to him. With his nature, I have become same and not care much about his family. Morever, my family cares a lot about me and his family never spends 100rs on me or my kid. So I understood this is their culture, not gifting but taking is okay.
    So you yourself, first try a bit, not to be sidelined by H when buying for his family. Show involvement or interest. If he does not let you, then leave it.
    My H, never trusts my choice. Somehow he thinks I buy cheapest which is exactly what his family is. So earlier I used to buy for his family but he would still say we did not get anything for them and be criticizing always. Now I do not care.
     
  9. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Oh no even after u getting nice your husband thinks it's no good.. u should have shown him the receipt ..
     
  10. Aaru14

    Aaru14 New IL'ite

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    Even my husband does same thing.. as iam dependent on him not working so i cant buy anything for my family. When i was going to india he bought lot of stuff to his family,sister and her kids. And for my family only chocolates.i felt very bad., had a huge fight..but he didnt understand my feelings. And my mil says its my brother (who also
    In US)responsibilty to send gifts to my parents not me. And my hubby blindly follows it.almost for every 6 months we will send gifts to mil and sil. If we says that any friend or known person is coming to india , immediately mil and sil sends list(which is never ending).
    Till now we didnt get any gift from them, even when my child born.
    My mils rule is” i should get from my parents and we should give to my sil” .
     

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