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Husband's Female colleagues

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sushma, Dec 4, 2005.

  1. Sushma

    Sushma New IL'ite

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    Recently, I was talking with a girl-friend of mine. She was sharing with me her internal thoughts around her husband's risque behaviour with his female colleagues.

    She totally gets the point that in this day and age, men need to interact with their female colleagues in a very friendly and social way. An official prudish interaction with female colleagues might actually hurt a man's career.

    However, she stuggles with the question as to what behaviour of her husband should she consider as off limits and what is acceptable. She doesn't want to be too lenient and set the path for trouble. She acknowledges that being too strict also has the same risks. Her objective is to have a long-term sustainable marriage and family and hence she grapples with these questions. I had very little to offer her, but told her that I will check with this group. Any help for my friend?
     
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  2. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sushma,

    First of all, there is no rule that we need to be social in our work place.
    I've worked some of the big men in the industry and our work place was filled with so many men and interacting is the norm.

    But I personally feel we shld draw a line as to how far we can go..
    Once I did have a problem - one of the married colleague was behind me and I never realised it. but when he tried to cross limits - I just asked him straight what he was upto. I even asked him as to what led him to react so bad so I can mend my ways.

    From that day, I saw respect in his eyes. Its such a wonderful feeling when a man respects you. And in the same office I had another colleague who crossed limits and messed up their lives. the wife creating a scene at office and hubby trying hard to cover up things - that was one messy affair I'd witnessed in my life.

    there's another incident that I would like to share.
    when we initially moved to mysore, I didn't have any friends.
    my hubby was a member in one of the networks wherein a female frm blore had written that she's just moved to mysore and looking for friends. My hubby gave our house no., my mobile no so she can contact me. but instead this lady who got my hubby's no from thenetwork started sending sms messages to him.

    Unfortunately, my hubby is so busy that its me who check messages, both in the network, mobile or other emails. Initially both of us didn't realise it was her messages as she never gave any name. whenever I saw a message used to read and never bothered. It was almost a week later did I realise it was hers.
    I got pretty upset as I'd given all posible nos for this lady to get in touch with us and she tries to get my hubby's no from the netwrok and starts messaging him.

    I immediately called her and introduced myself and told her that my hubby doesn't even read sms messages and that its me who has to read it out for him all the time. I could feel her voice cracking and she said sorry.

    then in a beautiful, sexy, husky voice I told her that after reading her messages I'm getting inspired to reciprocate and asked her if she could give her hubby's mobile no. so I can also start sending messages. I even told her that I was good at sending better messages than her. she apologised in a hurry and said never ever will she send any messages to anyone.

    Surprisingly, this lady has posted her hubby's photograph in her home page.
    she had written she is the most content woman as her hubby is such a lover, blah, blah, blah..............

    I think its toooooooooooo dangerous when you are tooooooooooooooo content.

    I warned her that the next time I see her message, I'll go to the police.

    My hubby had a good time watching this drama.

    I feel one shld know their limits, especially while interacting with opp. sex.
    whether it is a colleague, friend or etc................
    Or both of them should be mature enough to know their limits.

    Hope to hear from others also.
     
    NeetaR, Nusra and SriPriya123 like this.
  3. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Husband's female collegues

    Hai,
    It is a rather delicate subject. Too much control and we may look like we suspect and too lenient we may lose. Balancing is in your hands only, because each one is different.
    I was a very jovial person and had many friends before marriage, all the boys had literally grown up with me. So I had no problems. But after marriage it was a problem. I was the only female in the office of around 30 people. But I always kept a distance from them and that eraned a respect for me. After 4 years, many other female staff were appointed. One was very naive- the males made fun of her behind her back. One was a flirt and other 2 bossed over the males. Myself and another married colleague kept our distance. One divorced colleague tried to get intimate with me. I tld him that I shall bring an alliance for him. Then stopped bothering me. My husband trusts me completely and I trust him, so no problem.
    Another incident- one of my married neighbours is a flirt. He would not even say hello to me, I always treat him as filth. But he will cross over in my property and talk to the other neighbour- a student. She is also a flirt. He will talk in stylish English all in-things. His wife will be fuming this side. That girl will not talk to my husband as he is not very charming like my neighbour.
    Varloo
     
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    The husband is an adult whose judgement has to be trusted. Is there a reason she doubts him? I would be resentful of anyone who tried setting boundaries for me, fact that I'm a woman notwithstanding! ;)

    There isn't any reason to make professional relationships social. One can be purely professional and leave it at that without hurting one's career.

    I'm not sure what your friend considers risqué - if her husband does something at work which he wouldn't dare do at a family wedding with an acquaintance, it is uncalled for and could land him in a lot of hot water professionally.
     
    vaidehi71 likes this.
  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    oops! My bad! :fearscream: Thought it came up on the bottom recently updated list... Thank you. Wonder how many old ones I might have responded to!
     
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  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I always get confused with the recently updated Vs "these threads are similar to the one you are reading".

    @Induslady - Might be a good idea to look at the last updated time stamp before displaying those threads to readers!
     
  8. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Laks09 / @guesshoo ,

    are you saying this thread got displayed in 'Latest Replies' in the right column?
     
  9. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    I might be wrong, @Induslady
    I usually open posts on my phone from the first page of the folder or the latest threads below. I remember seeing this, thought it looked new and picked it up. I don't recall having seen any other thread that looked new along with. I'll pay attention - in case it happens again I shall report it.
     

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